Did you miss me keyboard? We haven't had a touching moment together for awhile! I've needed to type but it seems I'm having a hard time putting life's matters into words. Words can be tricky can't they. We can say things we don't mean to say quite easily, and yet when it comes to something healing and loving it can be few and far in between. Why is it so hard for me sometimes?!

Sometimes I think that God can be few worded and far in between with the words I need desperately from Him. I'm not alone in this as the Psalmists wrote about wanting God's help, refuge, strength, and direction. There are a few prayers I pray that have not been answered, and it's frustrating. Maybe I'm just not smart enough to understand what God's trying to tell me, maybe I'm not in tune or blocking Him out, or maybe I'm being too loud, or maybe I'm not trusting God enough.

Recently, I heard lots of songs about giving God control and trusting Him on the radio. I know they were all played for me from God.

ALL my life....I've heeded the messages of waiting on the Lord...though I admit I wasn't patient and there were times of failing, but I waited....yet still nothing as yet another year passes and another year praying.

Yes...The Israelite's waited 40 years in the dessert before they could enter the Promised Land, I told myself. Wow! I'll be 67! Can waiting turn into rotting? Because I'm pretty sure that's just what my body will be doing!

Last year, I asked God for courage and He provided some for me. With His help, I was able to do many things I thought never possible. In many ways, He has answered my prayers and I'm so very grateful.

Fear often grips me (for whatever reasons) and so I ignore the dreaded fear or run as fast as I can to get away from it to get relief and find safety and control! I was surprised when God used some of my greatest fears and "out of my controls's" this year and turned them into my greatest spiritual/God moments of the year!

A thought came to me....what if waiting was me running away from a fear? What if I need to be bold and go courageously into the unknown? What if I changed my passions to acts of compassion? What if I traded my securities for insecurities? What if I traded my distrust in God for trust in God? Dared to help others more than myself? Dared to live life with very little and give alot? What if all this waiting is just an excuse not to face my fears?

This year, 2018, will be a year I strain to face my fears (or at least a few of them) so that I can give God total control. Yes. That means I could end up doing things that people/the world don't understand why I'm doing and honestly, I won't understand either, but I know I can trust God. He is the one that got me through 2017 and if He wills it...2018.

Romans 12:2(NLT) 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

I think the above verse will be my verse of the 2018 year! I really really want to know God's will for my life, but the customs and behaviors of this world keep pressures on me almost constantly! And yes, I've been known to explode because of them. After all I'm getting older and should already be a parent, or at least married or moved out, have a well paying job, sound investments, and retirement plans and future plans in order....That's a successful life to our world here in America.

However, the times I've been most successful are generally filled with moments of facing my fears and letting go of "my self" and giving God total control...it's not when I make myself a success, it's more like when I let God use me for what He designed me for which is good and pleasing to Him no matter how little I have to offer Him. And these are also the times I feel most loved by Him since He doesn't have to use me, but chooses to because He loves me.

What if I traded my distrust in God for trust in God? To myself I ask this question. What's causing me to not fully trust God? Since I've been praying much (at least for me) about my future and God's will for my life and not getting a direct answer.....it can cause me to think God doesn't care about me....or has no future plans for me....(Am I dying soon?)...or needs me to wait.....did I pray the wrong prayers? or maybe I need to simply trust God and do what He wants of me right now. Don't worry about what the world says, or what others are doing or saying, or what those mocking voices in your head are screaming.

I've found that God is more than happy to give us ideas of what we could be doing for Him right now! I just get wrapped up in the many things I'm not doing for Him sometimes and then end up with doing nothing. Or tell Him that what He wants won't matter.... and I'm only interested in the long run or ending result....If I were only interested in what my horses gave me in the long run or end result...that would mean, I didn't really care about all those little moments of growth and love we shared with each other through our training and relationship building. Those little moments just didn't matter! Hmmm...they didn't matter? I'd say those little steps of training have helped make my horses into something wonderful and have helped to keep me safe working with them by not skipping little things. Don't you see that little steps help in the long run?

Letting God speak to your heart about the little seemingly unimportant things can only lead to Him helping you with the bigger more important/pressing things and maybe even the pressing/important things won't seem that pressing when you are listening to a loving God who gently holds what's best for you.....So go ahead...do what God wants of you today! It matters even if it's just between you and Him.

Below are some fun pics to get me "jump" started this year! They remind me of how sometimes we need to take action and fiercely fight our worldly desires in searching for God's will in our lives. The other picture reminds me of resting in knowing that God desires to have a close relationship with each of us and wants us to trust Him fully.