What is Rheumatoid Disease? How you can help me!

I'm going to take a break from the normal blogs I post to help you understand what RA is.  So most of you may be clicking away from this boring post as you've seen me and think.....what's the big deal with that disease?  You look normal to me!

Unfortunately Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) is falsely named as it is not an arthritis (so please don't tell me it is) but a very serious immune system disorder/disease which affects your tissues, joints and the rest of your life!  If you were to look up a definition online you'd get something like this: a chronic progressive disease causing inflammation in the joints and resulting in painful deformity and immobility, especially in the fingers, wrists, feet, and ankles.   

 However, as bad as that sounds...you don't have the complete definition.  It affects all of your body including your heart and lungs and teeth!  So to summarize:  You will have this disease the rest of your life.  It will get worse.  You will experience alot of pain.  You will have deformed joints. (Already 3 of my fingers are deformed)  You will experience immobility. (No joke...lots of joints are unliftable during bad days for me)  Oh yes and it's incurable!  All of which is overwhelmingly bad news.

When I was told I had RA, I never understood how horrible this disease was...In fact, I was in denial....I thought I was strong enough and could persevere through it.  I was also mad, confused and doctors told me I would have to be on drugs (that could present adverse affects) the rest of my life.

Going to the doctor and hearing no cure is not a good day for a patient.  Through my years of having to live with a disease everyday (no breaks)  You do have less painful days and you do have extreme painful days.  But...You are always fatigued (a new level of tired) as your body is constantly fighting against itself.  Just think... it's like living with a cold the rest of your life....no matter how much you want to be rid of it....it's always there.....only this is 100 times worse.....having to live with this everyday can make you feel alone, weak, useless, and hopeless as you become better acquainted and knowledgeable about your disease. Living with a cold everyday of the year would be bad too but I was desperate for an example.

So a typical RA flare day for me is getting up stiffly in the morning with a joint like a hand or wrist that won't open or move.  So little things like doing your hair became very difficult and painful.  It really humbles you.  Waking up at night to go to the bathroom and limping to it.  Not being able to lift something that should be light like a feed bucket or saddle without difficulty and pain. Being so tired you want to sleep but you can never get restful, refreshing sleep.  (I have previously suffered from chronic fatigue for 4 months in which I could only sleep 3 to 4 hours a day)  Talk about serious issues there!  Not being able to find a comfortable position to sleep in at night because of the pain you are in.  Finding new ways to open things if your hands are not working right or not doing them because it is too painful.  Feeling unmotivated because you know it will hurt or cause you pain later.  Other things I've noticed during my life time with this disease (or times when my RA drugs are not working or even when they are working) is more stress, anxiety and depression.  And all of this plays a role on you as a person.  I like being self-reliant so having a disease like this is crippling to my pride.  I don't like asking for help.  I don't like being tired all the time and feeling like I'm not getting things done efficiently or effectively.  When small tasks like opening doors, putting your clothes on, brushing your hair, walking, folding your hands, opening things become so hard it can be very frustrating and depressing as you wonder how much progression will this disease keep giving me when I'm not even 30 yet!   Actually, one of the first things I noticed was how immobile I got....but yet I didn't notice it I just accepted it as I never thought it could be anything serious.

I've now been fighting RA for around 10 years.  I'm use to pain, drugs, shots of all kinds, doctors, new medicines, even tried diets and somewhere in between I lost hope that I would never ever have energy or be pain free again until I died and went to Heaven.  I've asked God for that at times....to take me home, yet I'm still given the opportunity to be here with you.  I've wondered why, but have found new hope in that God's not done with me yet.

When I become very sick (especially in the past 3 years) and my RA seemed to progress aggressively, I placed my hope into newer, bigger drugs, but when I had side affects from those I began to lose hope in ever feeling "back to normal".  Recently, I began a new injectable that helped but cause other side affects not to mention I began to get extremely shot shy.  Even just smelling alcohol made my stomach turn, and the shot itself stung as you put it in and hold it for a long 10 seconds.  As I broke out in sweats just before the shots, I would cry out to God for help and ask Him to help me do this one more time.  Crying and pep talking and eventually getting it into my leg.  One night I couldn't stand it and I told God, "I can't do this anymore!"  I've wondering why God hasn't healed me at times, but am learning He knows best.

I had researched diets before but there was nothing proven to help people with RA.  There are diets to help with arthritis, but please remember that RA is NOT arthritis!  I dealt with lots of false hopes during the past delving into them with no success.  So I decided to wait and if anyone with an RA diet used by RA sufferers said it helped and worked then I would try it!  I just couldn't stand another disappointment. 

Well I'm very excited to say that there is now a diet out there designed specifically for RA sufferers and I am respectively excited to try this.  I know some people can never get off drugs because of how bad they are....Many need surgeries to replace broken joints....but if I could control my RA with diet though it looks to be a mighty HARD diet plan, I'm willing to give it a cowgirls try!

I've been reading the diet plan and finding the info interesting.  You control RA 2 ways (notice I say control not cure) 1. Drugs/Shots 2. Strict dieting. 3. Fasting...I added a 3rd but obviously you can't fast all the time because you need food to live.  Recently I did a 20 hour fast two days in a row and it did help however, the foods I ate after did not...bummer because I love food.  So how serious am I about trying to get a lower level of pain, more energy and better sleep without more and more big drugs?  EXTREMELY!  I have never fasted a day in my life...sure I'll go without lunch or breakfast but I make up with it in the other meals and snacks during the day.  Also I'm learning a fast is kinda pointless if you aren't going to eat good foods for yourself afterword.

I intend to start this diet as soon as I can get all the supplies (which don't look too yummy) so Fasting February here I come!  Actually I will be eating it just won't be pleasurable so please be nice, encouraging and forgive me when I don't want to eat with you or enjoy the food you offer.  So please hide your food before you invite me over.  Maybe have some raw fresh celery around though! ;)     

Asking for prayers of encouragement and wisdom as I delve into something I've never ever wanted to do!  Then again, I never wanted to delve into having a disease either.  And with an aggressive disease you have to be an aggressive player!!

Thank you for your prayers in healing!

You are a big part of my success in this diet plan so be encouraging, hide the sweets, and offer plenty of encouragement!

Also you may ask, what keeps you going through all these years?  I've always said I really love the verse "The joy of the Lord is my strength." because I understand that verse better now and have come to really appreciate it and find in so very true that His joy is my strength!

The Bad me, the Good God

It's that time of year again when my horses feel cooped up, energetic, grumpy, forget how to be good and become very spooky!  I guess humans would call it seasonal acute depression.  If you live in either mud or frozen ground and can't giddy up and be a horse, it can cause even good horses to act well....a bit insane!

I rode Kitty yesterday with my sister and her horse Colty.  It was warm but very windy as it was blowing in cccold air.  My horse decided to be really energetic (did not want to walk and if she walked she also wanted to spook which led to more prancing and not walking).  Many times horses react to a change in the weather and today Kitty was letting me know she had been cooped up too long and not given enough exercise even though it had only been 2 days! Not only was the wind blowing hard at my coat, but it must have blown my horses brain away!  I decided to trot her up and down the road back and forth since Colty wasn't about to do an endurance ride the whole time!  This seemed to help and although she was spooky the whole ride she settled in and became a mostly good horse again.

Missy had the grumpy grulla routine going on and MUCH energy to release as well.  I worked her in the round pen all the while she was rearing, leaping in the air, bucking, kicking (sometimes in my direction...not good at all), and continuously at a slow run which is impressive for the small space!  Generally, I get it...my horses need to get some horse time and run and buck and get "the edge" off as we, equestrians call it!

I thought I had spent enough time with Missy that she could be good and listen now in order to try more liberty training, but her mind was just not focused.  Instead she was ...running over me and doing her best to not focus on me...in fact she was looking away from me and turning her backside to me (a big sign of disrespect).  I kept at it though and had her doing some things ok and other things she just wasn't there! It was like her mind had totally blown away like the wind!!!  I was frustrated and so my training technique became more stubborn, as did my horse.  I was thinking to myself....Missy this should be easy for you...why can't you get this?  Why can't you do this basic thing right like you usually do?  What's wrong with my horses today?

I'd have to give credit to God for help in training my 2 horses and especially me because I was getting impatient, but He reminded me of this:  Sometimes, I think that about my children too.  They get so caught up in how their day is going or how they feel, they forget who they really are and all of the training I have taught them!  But just like your horses, I know that all my children have bad days....and this doesn't make me love them any less!

I've often wondered and questioned God about being bad.  I'm bad many times and no matter how hard I try, I still have a Bad me!  I've thought...What if God comes back on a Bad Day for me?  What if I'm just like my horses and ignore the things He has taught me and disrespect Him?  What if I'm not focused on Him that day?  What if on that day, I act like I'm not a child of God?

Would God still take me to Heaven with Him?  Or would He give me what I deserve....a good whipping?....not claim me as one of His?  Forsake me because I had a bad day?

I think this is a question we ask in many different ways.  God, how much do you love me?

Then God let me in on something that sounds too good to be true.  He claimed me.  God doesn't want to sneak up on His children and point out all their flaws and erase their names from the Lambs Book of Life.  Instead He told me He is patient and kind and that I needed to apply the same method to my horse.  I needed to be patient with her.  Just because she was having a bad, not-focused-on-her-trainer day, just meant I needed to be even more patient and loving to her.  I backed up my training to kindergarten steps which seemed silly with the caliber I'm use to with her, but God told me too so I did.  Taking the time for one small step closer to being focused on the trainer helped Missy progress and the safer and more focused she became....not to her potential but it did slowly return her focus.  That's exactly what God has to do with us at times.  I'm so glad He doesn't get as frustrated as I do!  Instead He provides even more patience, love and gentleness to draw back His Bad children.

I love my horses even on their worst days and even when they hurt me.  My horses would never purposely try to hurt me, they genuinely love me and this is the lesson God wanted me to learn that He loves me in the same way.  He loves me on my Bad days and He loves me on my Good days.  He wants you to know that He has enough love for you to get you through those bad days! He knows we don't purposely try to hurt Him, ignore Him and disrespect Him....He knows we face many trials of all sizes and shapes...He knows we can't always be good.   And if you are wondering what if God comes on one of my bad days will He forsake me or claim me as His....?  I'm proud to say I most certainly claim and love my horses!  I'm proud to own and train both of them!  And that is how God responds to us even on our bad days!  Thank you, Thank you God for loving me and claiming me as your own even on my bad days!

It's not about having more good days than bad, it's all about letting God live in your heart everyday.