I haven't had the words or energy to blog. My life and that of my family's is a constant inconstant. Days where I just want to cry and cry but don't have the time. Days where I cry anyway. Perhaps I shouldn't even begin to try to even blog about it. There are days of ups and downs. Days where we can handle the situations (or God gives us enough joy and endurance) and days where we can't but have too (but we aren't sure how much more we can take). How does one prepare for a single day when its so unknown. How cruel life is when you have to watch a loved one suffer and become old and weak and not knowing what they are doing before your very eyes. What hurt! What deep hurt comes from that. Questions. No answers. This, alone, seems to be a constant. Exhaustion. Stress. Pain. Confusion. Worry. Yes anger at the entanglement and truly different life changes....Things I want to do replaced with I have to dos. My young body filled with inflammation and disease....painful joints....migraine flare ups, visual disturbances, numbness and tingling and decay and more decay....but we all fight on and say...We will be ok one of these days. Maybe I'm just really looking forward to THAT DAY!!. So God, when are you coming? I sure pray its soon.
My Dad is back in the hospital again. He eats very little, gets dehydrated then confused, runs a fever and can barely walk at times. He had a very bad time last night. Mom had a rough night taking care of him and I know I didn't sleep well knowing what was likely happening after seeing a good dose before I tried going to bed. At this point, my Dad really needs a miracle of healing or God to come get him...Again I know Christmas is a joyful season but this year all I can think of asking is...God, when are you coming back again? Could it be this time of year when we celebrate You? All I want for Christmas is JESUS!
Perhaps some of you knew, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus, two autoimmune diseases That cause inflammation all over your body. It can be hard for my Dr. to determine where the inflammation is but if it were to settle in the right spot that could cause a heart attack or breathing issues many etc. I was so bad with pain, I decided to try a steroid shot in September and it may have been the cause of my recent migraine issues and other sideaffects. I was getting the effects of things associated with headaches or the bad headaches themselves every other day for 2 weeks. My RA DR. ordered an MRI of my brain to check for MS (another autoimmune disease). Thankfully, that test did not declare me to have that. However, I do have a couple spots on my brain we will have to recheck in a couple years as if they grow we need to try something as inflammation in your brain will very likely lead the Alzheimers and that is something I do not want. I'm sorta unique in all the potential areas I have inflammation as I questioned my Dr as to why am I getting all these autoimmune diseases??? He used a big word for me today. He want to do more blood tests on me because my inflammation just will not go down. So he wants to see what those tests say. But he said I could fall into the category of Spondyloaothoroapafy which is a huge word for YOU HAVE A VERY DISEASED BODY!! or you could have several autoimmune diseases so you are going to be hard to treat and they will need to know more about which one is attacking me so they can better target that one so that we can control inflammation because if we can't....no good will come of it at all. I was thinking if we can't control it how Id actually want to get struck by lightning and go quick cuz I have to tell you I'm tried of all this constant pain. So the steroid helped me feel the most normal I have ever felt since the disease. I have had some really really rough years gang. I know I'm a pretty joyful person and I look normal but I rarely feel normal. I really do live off the joy of Jesus. I do desperately need Jesus. On the days I feel His presence in me and around me I feel unstoppable even in this body of mine. But boy the days where I wonder if He even cares about me cuz I just seem to get worse off, my Dad seems to get worse off, and life in general just gets worse and it feels like God is personally attacking me, those are really rough days....Again, I ask, hey, God, When are you coming for me? How much more must I endure?
I see my own body attacked more and more, my Dad suffering and dying either from cancer or chemo or both, I see the toll it takes on all my family members, I see the world in a dying state, I see America rejecting God and His Word. I see America's church dying of "cancer" because she let's in the world instead of the world changing because of the church, I see mass sufferings, shootings, rise of suicides and health problems and opioid use, kids being slaughtered in the womb, I hear the silence of Truth, I see kids confused with there identity, In short I see evil running rampant and I wonder...God will you come back now? How much is enough for you? How many more must be persecuted or killed in the womb? How many more children led astray? How many more of your believers must continue to suffer here on earth? How long will you let this evil run rampant and evil men/women prosper? (Am I sounding like David cuz I just got through reading Psalms) When will you take pity on your own? God, You sent your son, Jesus, a long time ago. We needed Him then, but I think we need Him even more now. Jesus, Come quickly.
https://youtu.be/SPkq5oDGkzk
