All of you probably know by now that my Dad lost his battle with cancer but gained forever with Jesus on December 23. Even through it all God heard our prayers and took my Dad without making him suffer too long and he got to spend one more Christmas with the Kieser family.
Honestly life seemed to stop for awhile for us. The grief hits hard and then it's like your walking and going through your day reading your Bible and trying to pray but you don't really know what you're doing...it's like a fog comes over you and sits on you for awhile and it's heavy. You go through a time of questioning....God why did Dad have to get cancer? Why couldn't the treatments work? I wasn't ready to let go yet...I still had learning to gain from my Dad. I learned I had to call out to my Heavenly Father...my dear God because I didn't understand. I knew God loved my family and my Dad but I was still full of hurt and complete exhaustion. Standing in the funeral line my body was completely shaking afterwards. During the line before the funeral service I had to sit down because I felt faint. But even during that time, I just want to thank my family and friends neighbors and church for praying for us and your outpouring of love on me and my family. You helped us realize God will help us through so thanks for sharing His love with us and being His hands and feet.
To help get myself out of the fog, I asked if Mom Ted and I could pray together at night. We always need Jesus but felt like we needed Him even more since everything was just hard. So we have begun praying together and it's been great to check in on each other almost everything night. It has really helped. Praise God. We are all doing ok. Lots of new challenges/changes ahead but we have God helping us through them. Taking one day at a time helps.
Ok remember those blood tests that my RA Dr had me get? The results are in and I have mildly high platelets and my antiphospholipid antibodies are also mildly positive. I'm told I'm at a greater risk of blood clots and told that I need to go hemotology for further evaluation....I found out about this Monday. Not so good of a day for me especially when you have a cancer center calling you to make an appointment. Doesn't God know what my poor family has already been through? Sure He does. My memory verse this week was super appropriate. 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.
I love this verse! Yes I'm super weak and my body is completely messed up...I'm even getting over another migraine as I type this. Previously I had them every other day or so but have recently gone around 2 and a half to 3 weeks without one so that's a praise....ugh I hate em though! Also my MRI was normalish so another praise God moment. I'm exhausted but yet I love Jesus and I want to make sure you know that it is Him and Him alone that is my strength a d joy through this tough journey. That's Him you see in me! I can't get up in the morning without His strength, I can't train horses without His wisdom, I can't encourage others without His love for me. I will choose to boast about Jesus no matter how weak my body becomes because I do so need Christ's power resting on me.
I would very much appreciate prayers though as the devil is a great discourager. And I really really don't want another disease or disorder or ? I'd rather Jesus just take me quick....send another chariot for me God like you did for Elijah! What a way to go!!
