Update on my Dad and Myself (God, when are you coming?)

    I haven't had the words or energy to blog.  My life and that of my family's is a constant inconstant.  Days where I just want to cry and cry but don't have the time.  Days where I cry anyway.  Perhaps I shouldn't even begin to try to even blog about it.  There are days of ups and downs.  Days where we can handle the situations (or God gives us enough joy and endurance) and days where we can't but have too (but we aren't sure how much more we can take).  How does one prepare for a single day when its so unknown.  How cruel life is when you have to watch a loved one suffer and become old and weak and not knowing what they are doing before your very eyes.  What hurt!  What deep hurt comes from that.  Questions.  No answers.  This, alone, seems to be a constant.  Exhaustion.  Stress.  Pain.  Confusion.  Worry.  Yes anger at the entanglement and truly different life changes....Things I want to do replaced with I have to dos.  My young body filled with inflammation and disease....painful joints....migraine flare ups, visual disturbances, numbness and tingling and decay and more decay....but we all fight on and say...We will be ok one of these days.  Maybe I'm just really looking forward to THAT DAY!!. So God, when are you coming?  I sure pray its soon. 

    My Dad is back in the hospital again.  He eats very little, gets dehydrated then confused, runs a fever and can barely walk at times.  He had a very bad time last night.  Mom had a rough night taking care of him and I know I didn't sleep well knowing what was likely happening after seeing a good dose before I tried going to bed.  At this point, my Dad really needs a miracle of healing or God to come get him...Again I know Christmas is a joyful season but this year all I can think of asking is...God, when are you coming back again?  Could it be this time of year when we celebrate You?  All I want for Christmas is JESUS!  

    Perhaps some of you knew, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus, two autoimmune diseases That cause inflammation all over your body.  It can be hard for my Dr. to determine where the inflammation is but if it were to settle in the right spot that could cause a heart attack or breathing issues many etc.  I was so bad with pain, I decided to try a steroid shot in September and it may have been the cause of my recent migraine issues and other sideaffects.  I was getting the effects of things associated with headaches or the bad headaches themselves every other day for 2 weeks.  My RA DR. ordered an MRI of my brain to check for MS (another autoimmune disease).  Thankfully, that test did not declare me to have that. However, I do have a couple spots on my brain we will have to recheck in a couple years as if they grow we need to try something as inflammation in your brain will very likely lead the Alzheimers and that is something I do not want.  I'm sorta unique in all the potential areas I have inflammation as I questioned my Dr as to why am I getting all these autoimmune diseases???  He used a big word for me today.  He want to do more blood tests on me because my inflammation just will not go down.  So he wants to see what those tests say.  But he said I could fall into the category of Spondyloaothoroapafy which is a huge word for YOU HAVE A VERY DISEASED BODY!!  or you could have several autoimmune diseases so you are going to be hard to treat and they will need to know more about which one is attacking me so they can better target that one so that we can control inflammation because if we can't....no good will come of it at all.  I was thinking if we can't control it how Id actually want to get struck by lightning and go quick cuz I have to tell you I'm tried of all this constant pain.  So the steroid helped me feel the most normal I have ever felt since the disease.  I have had some really really rough years gang.  I know I'm a pretty joyful person and I look normal but I rarely feel normal.  I really do live off the joy of Jesus.  I do desperately need Jesus.  On the days I feel His presence in me and around me I feel unstoppable even in this body of mine.  But boy the days where I wonder if He even cares about me cuz I just seem to get worse off, my Dad seems to get worse off, and life in general just gets worse and it feels like God is personally attacking me, those are really rough days....Again, I ask, hey, God, When are you coming for me?  How much more must I endure?

I see my own body attacked more and more, my Dad suffering and dying either from cancer or chemo or both, I see the toll it takes on all my family members, I see the world in a dying state, I see America rejecting God and His Word.  I see America's church dying of "cancer" because she let's in the world instead of the world changing because of the church, I see mass sufferings, shootings, rise of suicides and health problems and opioid use, kids being slaughtered in the womb, I hear the silence of Truth, I see kids confused with there identity, In short I see evil running rampant and I wonder...God will you come back now?  How much is enough for you?  How many more must be persecuted or killed in the womb?  How many more children led astray?  How many more of your believers must continue to suffer here on earth?  How long will you let this evil run rampant and evil men/women prosper?  (Am I sounding like David cuz I just got through reading Psalms) When will you take pity on your own?  God, You sent your son, Jesus, a long time ago.  We needed Him then, but I think we need Him even more now.  Jesus, Come quickly.

https://youtu.be/SPkq5oDGkzk

     

Eye of the Storm Shawnee 2016

Are you peppy for Jesus?

I'll never forget what a dear elderly lady in church said to me one Sunday..."You're so peppy!" Peppy is kinda an old word so I'll help give you some meanings: high spirited, enthusiastic, lively, full of energy, active, alert

Of course I loved her compliment...I can certainly be peppy. What happens when your peppy gets pooped? The devil doesnt like peppy believers at all...so he will try to tire them out in whatever way possible to create pooped worn out of all peppyness believers.

Here's the thing about peppy believers the devil cant stand....their perseverance! It falls under their spiritedness. My buckskin is very peppy and high spirited. Try telling her something she doesnt want to do....see how far you get with her. But then be amazed at how much and how far she will go for you just because she loves you and wants to please you. It's not that we lost our connection when she doesnt cooperate it's just that she thinks she can handle the situation better than you can. I suppose you could call that just plain stubborn! But even then stubborn peppy believers are tough to break away their connection with God and the devil knows that.

This type is often laid out flat on the ground but while laid out they are trying their best to trip up the devil. If we have to be down we may as well be tripping the devil ok?

This type not only wants to tell you about Jesus but wants you to experience Jesus for yourself so like my enthusiastic horse who is not content with just showing you one small trick but 10 other bigger and tougher tricks she knows! So we, as peppy believers, are not content to tell you just one thing about Jesus but everything we know about Him!! Everything! Sit down....get comfy...that may take a couple days!

Peppy believers can mess up and hurt others and have days where we want to give up but thank goodness God provides and revives our pep when we're pooped.

If you're pooped, Ask God to get you excited about living for Him again.

If you're peppy, Ask God who needs to get excited about You?

 

God's Not Done! (I just want to get you excited about loving Jesus!

 

God's Not Done. A super encouraging thought! And if you are here today reading this than you can be sure that God is not done with you either. I have known my horses for many years and I love them just as they are. When they fail I forgive them, when they get rowdy, I discipline them when they get sick, I help them in every way possible because my love for them doesn't just leave one day and come back another day depending on this or that. No my love for my horses wont ever run out or be done! Oh how my horses love to learn new things when I train them tricks! I think they get excited to please me more knowing I'm not done with teaching them new things or taking them on new adventures! It excites them! They love to be used! But they have to know certain things before I can do certain things with them. We have to have developed a strong relationship with each other. This comes from a pattern of struggles and achievements. Ups and downs and even lower than downs at times...like giving up.

Isn't this the way God works with us too? I get so much excitement from God knowing that He has placed me here for a reason! Even after knowing Him for many years, I still get excited everytime He teaches me something new about the Bible or Himself! Or how He keeps forgiving me after I fail Him or I forget what He taught me and He has to remind me again or how He provides me strength and endurance to get through another day. How much joy that brings me to know that God is not done with me or any of my situations...those struggles you are enduring could be a way that you get to experience God more in your life! Those challenging relationships could be helping you to become more like Him! All those mistakes you made could help you see your desperate need for Him. I'm so thankful that God is not done even when it seems like He's not doing anything. Nothing is done until God takes your last breath. You might be done but God isn't. He's the One that made you and knows you and wants to teach you so many new things about Himself if you and I are only willing! Willing to learn when it's easy and when it's really really hard and painful...it may be dreadful...but you wont be going through it without God! And God has so much He wants you to experience with Him! That's correct. God wants you to EXPERIENCE Him! God doesnt just want you to know Him but to experience Him. Did you know you can experience God? That you can feel God? You can but you have to go through the ups and downs and yeah sometimes the way way awefuls. But heres the encouragement...God's not ever done in your life unless you choose to be done with God so always seek God and never give up! (Luke 18:1) God can bring light even to a dark situation so seek God for direction. God can provide joy even when your situation does not change so ask God for His presence. God can answer a prayer when it seems so far out of His hearing and highly impossible so keep praying. And along your journey with God, He will amaze you by His love and provision and you will not be able to contain your love or excitement for Him.

Wow! How much more that should make us desire to spend more time with Him! Even though we have a struggle or fear or overwhelming situation...even when the trial wont quit or maybe we are faced with it forever....even when all hell is breaking loose all around us and in our country and the world...we can remember that God is not done. Stay strong believer. Pray strong! And believe that with God all things are possible! You plus God equals majority! And God wants to use you because He loves you and once you develop a relationship with God you'll develop a Gods not done attitude too!

 

 

God, I'm Exhausted

I write this being exhausted. It's a busy time at work. It's a busy time here at home with many spring projects to do or horses to train and just trying to keep up with the normal stuff! Then God asks you to do more and you do because you know its from Him. But there's still this project God wants me to do that I'm dragging my feet on as I tell God, I'm just too exhausted! I say this in complete honesty as I'm getting over a bad migraine. My body is completely drained. My health problems are flaring. But my God says Keep going. Keep fighting. Do it.

Reminds me that there are no retirement verses in the Bible. Run the race! Fight the fight! Stand fast! And having done all to stand...STAND! I heard a preacher say, When God takes me, I want to be lying exhausted on the Battlefield!! Why? Because I gave God everything I had!

Had me thinking...do I want God to find me on my couch watching a movie when I'm tired or exhausted on my face before Him praying when I'm tired?

When my body is in pain does God want me to excuse myself from the battle for that day or season or do I limp, crawl, and drag myself to the battlefield anyway because a true follower of God refuses to let circumstances deter them from the battlefield.

Will God find me exhausted on the battlefield? How does one even accomplish that?

Remember this verse? Always pray. And never give up!

Now, I'm not saying that I'm against naps or taking a day or a season to do way less. (Today I'm doing way less!) In fact that can be healthy and absolutely needed! I'm just wondering are we exhausting ourselves for Jesus? Are we all in for Him? Even when lying exhausted on the battlefield? See, We can exhaust ourselves with work hours... family functions...entertainment...and yes even good things like ministries can exhaust you.....but what about the battlefield? Are you fighting the battle God has for you or your own battle? Will God find me exhausted on the Battlefield for Him or will He find me holding back on what He called me to do? A true soldier of Jesus knows their assignment...Do you know your assignment? If you don't, ask God to show you your battlefield. He will. Wow just standing up for Biblical values in America is a battlefield now!

If you are off course in your battle and you know you have not been fighting well then get back in the fight! God desires you to stay in the fight!

Dear God, Help me to finish the race not holding back anything that you wanted me to do! Let me lie exhausted on the battlefield for you!

 

Let Me Get This Straight – Pastor Shane Idleman Love what God loves/hate what God hates

As always, I speak to myself first. Did you know the Bible actually states that if you love God you should hate evil. You should hate what God hates.  That's strong language. But in our society wickedness abounds....did you know IL is the most welcoming midwestern state for abortions? Did you know that women flock here just for that? Did you know that our politicians want murderes to be able to vote in prison? Did you know that criminals have more rights than policemen? Did you know that kids are getting taught in school that transgender is ok and you can be whatever sex you want whatever day you want....we can even give you pills and surgery to transform you? Did you know that marriage is between whomever you desire? Forget what the Bible says about one man and one women...did you know that they want to make abortion pills for vending machines? Marijuana is now legal to use.  Did you know you can use your phone to set yourself up with sexual immorality? Does any of this bother you? This is even looked on as good in our society...I weep over this. And I have only begun to mention the evil going on. I could go on and on.

We have been silent too long...passivity has set in...we no longer hate what God hates for fear of being persecuted or rejected or called a bigot or hater racist etc. Our standards are not Gods high moral standards...I wonder what will it take for us...our nation...Believers to become desperate for God? Are our eyes blinded? Do our ears not hear anymore? Does our heart not cry out at the sin of ourselves and our nation? Do we not cry out because we are ignorant or refuse to even want to see the evil? Do we just try to stay inside our own little box to hide and protect ourselves from any evil.  Have we turned into cowards instead of soldiers? Does evil not affect us anymore...is it not offensive to us...does it not cause us to pray more? To humble ourselves before our God and beg for revival of hearts starting first with our own heart and then with all believers....Have we bought into the lies of our society? Have you been decieved slowly for so long that you no longer feel or recognize evil?  Are we asleep? No outcry no emotions no anguish over what is happening? I wonder how much more of this can Gods heart take? We have offended God by our silence and lack of boldness and our lack of seeking the full council of Gods Word. Because if you really read the Bible and Gods take on things you would see that God hates evil. Look up what God hates. You will be convicted. But we need to be convicted to repent and to become humble and to act. The other amazing truth you will see over and over in the Bible is this: when believers (nonbelievers too) humble themselves before God seek Him and pray God heals and forgives or postpones judgment. We need God. We really really really need God. 

If you're not sure of truth anymore, pray...then look at Gods Word...all of it...dont just hang your hat on one story or one verse.  Absorb all of scripture. Then pray again.  God is closest to a contrite heart and a humble heart and a heart that cries out to Him in sincerity and reverence and persistence.