Refuge Rock (Not much time to live for Jesus)

I think sometimes we think we will let God use us at a certain age or stage in our life, but then when that said age or stage comes we say well not just yet..this hasn't happened yet...I haven't been healed...I don't have a good job....I have no securities...etc.

.....until the storm comes....until God gets our attention.

I often think that my time here on earth will be short.  God's not supplying the things I think I need so maybe He plans for me to die young!  But then I get a little scared and ask, "Wait God, not yet...let me do what you created me to do to bring you glory before you take me." Yet, I also think that it may be longer than I think as I get comfortable in pushing things off with excuse after excuse.  I say it won't really matter.  I can't make a difference.  True. I can't.  But God CAN.  I just have to be willing to give Him a little something because then He can make a big something out of it.

I remember when my cousin, Rebecca and I Christmas caroled on horseback around my "neighborhood" a few years ago.  I thought it was such a silly idea and surely people would think I was a bit..well over-the-top weird.  Yet, God urged me to do it...so I gave Him a little something.  I went through with it. (Thanks to a supporting cousin)  I think we surprised most, but one lady just seemed so appreciative of the gesture and thanked us many times....she still talks about it and how special it was to her!  I'm not sure how God worked that night, but I know He did something big out of the something small we gave.

My youngest brother, Ted, really made me think about this topic while we were trail riding and family camping at Shawnee National Forest in southern IL.   My Dad, Mom, and cousin Rachel came with us as well to round out the group.  It was predicted to be a rainy week but we were hoping for the best.  We were able to enjoy 2 days of good riding, but the other 2 days were rainy especially one in particular and that's the day I learned something about the heart of many of us today.

After being caught under an overhanging rock for an hour the day before, we were sure the worst of the storms were over for us.  The day started off partly sunny as many other riders in the horse campground were saddling up for a ride as well.   We had checked radar and all seemed well for at least a few hours.  So off we (Me, Rachel and Ted) rode.  We were going to try to find a trail that the campground host recommended.  As we journeyed on our way we were maybe 45 minutes into our ride and it started getting really cloudy and rainy looking.  Well as much as you could tell in the woods...We were making a climb up a long, curvy hill when we heard a loud clap of thunder in the near distance.  As the oldest of the group, this meant I was the one in charge and responsible for taking care of each rider and horse and I made the quick decision to get off the up hill route and go back down to more cover.  I did not know the area, but we were in the sameish area of the overhanging rock we took refuge in the day before so we worked our way down and to the rock.  As we rode the rain and thunder got louder and heavier and I knew the rock would be the safest place for us for now.  I think the prayers for me started some time during the trek and I felt fairly safe when we got to the overhanging rock.  The hard part was we had no cell service so no way of telling Mom and Dad we were taking shelter underneath an overhanging rock.  I knew we could try to ride back but the lightning was pretty fierce and I thought it was best to seek cover.  Once under the shelter of our rock, we ended up having some fun waiting out the storm.  The rock shelter was situated 3 to 4 feet above a very rocky, but beautiful creek. We had to ride in the creek to get to it.  The creek was surrounded by walls of rock on either side.  (It would have been a really cool ride to do sometime).  With the rain pouring down on us the creek began to rush and the rock walls were now making small waterfalls which seemed very lovely and peaceful in their own way.   Even after making up our own rendition of Gilligan's Island 3 hour ride (cuz that's what we were trying for just a 3 hour ride or was it 2 hours?) before the afternoon storms, we started to get a bit bored and a bit nervous.  The thunder was really loud echoing off the rock walls causing even the horses to jump at times.  The lightning flashes lit up all around us causing us to feel insecure to go anywhere but where we were.  Finally after a horrifically loud clap of thunder that scared all of us (even the horses), Rachel suggested we pray out loud together.  I hurriedly agreed after feeling a bit silly that I hadn't suggested it before as we started to pray that the storm would subside so we could go back to camp safely.  We even sang some hymns to calm us and give us something else to think about.  Continuing to pray silent prayers I'm sure our happy little rain dance became more serious as the storm kept it's fierceness.  After the startling thunder crack, we realized we may not be so safe here and fear crept in.  As I was trying to keep the positive vibes going my little brother was thinking deep thoughts of his own.  He wondered aloud and said, "This can't be when I die....I'm too young to die and haven't been able to do anything for Jesus.  Shocked to hear something so deep come out of someone so young, I was unable to reply to his question in that moment.

Isn't it interesting how trials and tests can bring out our deepest thoughts? The thoughts that really matter?  Not the everyday earthly physical concerns, but the spiritual ones...yes we forget the spiritual ones don't we.  I sure can.  But God wanted us to learn what was important underneath that rock which we later named Refuge Rock.  He wanted us to learn to trust Him and to take courage even when fear was all around us!  God also helped remind us what was important....following Him even through the storms life throws at us, trusting Him even when we are fearful and don't forget to pray!  God says, "Let me in on the storms and troubles and fears in your life!  I love you and I want to help you if you'll come to me!" 

You see my little brother had a good thought but He was wrong on one part.  God used him.  Yes He was young but God used him to help us remember why we're here.  We are here to serve Him not be served by Him.  We don't find refuge in a rock, we find refuge in HIM!!!

The storm eased it's intensity and I silently prayed, "Is this it, God?  Is this when we should head back?'  The horses seemed just fine with their cover, but I knew Dad and Mom (especially Mom) would be worried so I told Rachel and Ted it was time to head back. I explained that this may be our only chance or break in the storm so we must go now.  As I lead my horse into the now rushing creek with the lightning still above me, I encouraged the others to follow.  I knew it wasn't exactly the safest spot to be in the storm...in water...while it was still lightning but God just assured me that everything was going to be okay.....but I had to be the brave one and step out and trust Him! You see sometimes God is looking for us to trust Him with that first scary step in our lives. And scary it was as Ted's pony was pretty stubborn as she didn't want to slide into the rushing creek leaving her dry shelter....Ted was frustrated and scared since his pony wouldn't mind him and all the while I'm standing in the creek encouraging him to take his time and he'll be ok.  I wouldn't have ever left him behind but I think when we are in scary situations we panic thinking God is going to leave us in them and go on with His day. But God doesn't do that.  Neither did I.  Seeing that Ted needed assistance,  I lead my horse, Kitty, back over to him and Chica and helped guide his pony into the water.  Giving Ted back his pony we all got on and rode back through the creek and soon followed the trail along it that would eventually get us back to camp.  The lightning got less and less and the rain had eased up as well. I'm sure I probably said something along these lines, "See this isn't so bad!"  Of course, I'm not sure who I was encouraging...me or them!  However, I knew something special had happened under Refuge Rock and I couldn't help but feel very loved by a God who deserves so much love from me and so often I forget to tell Him a simple thank you and I love you.  Thanks, God, for being with us at Refuge Rock, and for the reminder of what's important!"

Do you think you are still too young or too old to be used by God?  Do you think it's too late to even start?  It's Never too late to start.  You can give your life to God right now. Today!  And if you've lost your passion for living for God, ask Him to renew it!  He will.  Sometimes you just have to be on the look out for it.  I didn't know God would remind me of so many important spiritual thoughts the day we got stuck under Refuge Rock, but I'm so glad He did.

Sometimes it's during the storm, where we feel alive the most because that's when we are reminded what matters most.  Does God matter most in your life today?

Refuge Rock- a fitting name as we took refuge underneath this rock twice! It reminded us of who we should be taking refuge in...Our solid rock....our refuge...our God.

"Stuck in the Roundpen"

Do you feel like you are always stuck in one place?  Like you'll never get out and experience all that is meant to be for you?  You're caught up in life's never ending circles and you wonder...Is this it? God, is this how you want my life to be....I don't get it...why am I stuck in this place?

Part 1

The best way to start horses is by using a roundpen (which is an enclosed circular area with a diameter of 30 to 60 feet.)  That way the horse can focus more on the trainer without many distractions and room to get away and learn the basics to becoming a reliable, safe, and trust worthy horse fully connected to the trainer.  Similar to how we, Christians, start out.  We would never learn anything from our Heavenly Father if we never stopped for a moment of enclosed time with Him.  For example, reading your Bible or praying at a certain time of day in a place away from distractions. (that's comparable to us in a roundpen looking to our trainer).  We have to start (and become refreshed) this way because the outside world is full of distractions that take us away from our Trainer, who wants to create a reliable and trustworthy human for His use.  The best way of connecting to our Trainer is to get to a place where we can focus almost entirely on Him.  I say almost because we are so distracted...Like horses if we see something different or hear something crazy we loose focus right away on our Trainer.  But with lots of small steps and lots of effort by our Trainer we get drawn into His love and we desire and long for a connection because we realize that it's His love and guidance we most need in our lives.  Without it, we have no purpose or use and we'd just be wondering around and spooking at whatever we want and never ever finding a place of comfort or rest.

As time goes by the horse eventually trusts the trainer to even get on his back and ride him.   Just as the more we learn from our Trainer, the more percentage of us we give Him.

....But there are always distractions, tests and trials that seem to shake and rattle the horse when taken out of the safety of the round pen.  Now the horse has to trust the trainer in a different position AND area.  The horse that once did everything so beautifully in the roundpen and with the trainer on the ground now has to work with the trainer on top of him and in a bigger area!  Free from enclosure!

It is at this time some horses can't handle the open space...without seeing the trainer on the ground they can't seem to focus so these horses are usually worked with more in roundpens or sometimes bigger enclosed areas before finally being free from all enclosures...because they need more time with the trainer....and this isn't a bad thing as most of us along the way need more time with our Trainer too.

Some horses are ready to delve into this new exciting moment of freedom, yet they realize (unlike the above horses) that the trainer is still there and with them so they don't need to fear eventually leading up to more trust and a deeper connection with their trainer.

Why do some horses learn to trust faster than others?  Same reasons we learn to trust our Trainer (God) fast or slow.  Sometimes we really agree and like what He is doing with us so we learn and bond quickly.  Sometimes we hate what He is doing and fight against it fiercely so we learn and bond slowly.....even becoming more suspicious and distrusting of why our Trainer would want to hurt or upset us...we can't see the hard lessons as growth in our relationship....Rather we see them as moments of  where our Trainer left us or let us down.   Then like horses, we look for a way out of the hurt....we fight our Trainer or we flee from Him causing even more distance and less connection between us.

A good horse trainer, like our God, will notice this struggle and bring the horse back to the basics...with horses it's usually the roundpen or smaller steps....we lost their trust and we want it back.  God, too wants us back when we fight and flee from Him....no He doesn't put you in a roundpen, but He does take small steps toward you.  They are often hard to see as we are so full of hurt and anger it can be almost impossible.....

The difference between humans and horses is about as much as we are similar.  The biggest difference being our souls.  We have a soul.  Horses do not.  Our souls long for love, peace, hope and truth.  We can't seem to rest without them.  There are temporary fixes that we find but they don't last.....what lasts?  With all the questions racing through our minds, we remember a place where we had love, peace, hope and truth.....we remember how it was in the "roundpen."  That place we went to focus and be with our Trainer....that place where the truth exists and where we are loved by God and we have peace in knowing that and a hope that even with all our mistakes and missed opportunities, God still wants us.....we go back to the basics.  We dig deep into the Bible...looking for Truth, Love, Peace and Hope....We cry mixed tears of agony and joy in our prayers for forgiveness while longing to be loved again.

Part 2

Sorry to slow you down from those above questions, it's where God seemed to lead me at the moment.

So you've graduated from the basics and you still feel stuck?  I don't need to be overly used by God, I just want Him to use me more than He is.  (Which is kinda a silly statement because we really don't know how He is using us)

I'm looking at this quote as I type, "The secret of success in life: Prepare for opportunity when it comes."  --Benjamin Disraeli  (whoever that is)  Psalm 118:25 O Lord, save us; O Lord grant us success. was the verse with the quote.  I'm not going to go deep into that scripture right now except that the success that the psalmist is talking about could mean heavenly not earthly.

But the quote just reassures me of why we sometimes get stuck.  We need to be prepared more for whats up ahead.  You can't just ride any horse on the edge of a cliff!  You gotta do some preparing and trust exercises to build your relationship so that it is strong and not easily shaken.

I usually get stuck for 2 reasons:  ( at least these 2 are the ones that came to mind) I look at my life and I go wow, I've been in basic Christian training for so long...when is God gonna use me?

The other is that I'm afraid of what's outside the roundpen!!  Fears swell up!!  Success?  Failure?  Pain?  Hurt?  Loss?  A blessing?  A test?  in short I have Lots of doubt.

I don't really have any wisdom for myself except that God must be preparing me(us) for something....maybe only contentment with where I'm at, but maybe there is something big that He wants me to be prepared for?  The best thing I think (and what I've been told by those with more wisdom than me) we can do is to get to know our Trainer more and more so He can prepare us for His use and in His time. We blossom with more time spent with our Trainer.

Hang on partner and I'm talking to me
The roundpens not the worst place to be!
For one day soon you just may be called on
Stay ready, don't pass up that baton!

Part 3
One thing I feel like I need to add.  Well trained horses still get problems.  Sometimes you have to take them back into the roundpen for some more trainer time...its not usually because they have completely lost it and can never be used by the trainer...its just that they need some redirection and focus time to fix their problem.

Us too. Just because you've been a Christian for 20 plus years doesn't mean you don't have any problems to work out...you still need that bonding and focus time with your Trainer too. So don't feel bad if your struggling or having problems....your Trainer wants to help you get your focus back on Him.  Join Him in the roundpen.  Yes it can be humbling and agitating that we still need training.  But He wants us to realize we need Him to be useful. Will we let Him train us?

Is Hope dead?

Let's call it out right now...we don't always have the feeling of hope.  There are things in this world that we think are hopeless to hope for and we get lost in the hurt and darkness around us.  Because there is much hurt and darkness and so it's easy to focus on if we lose sight of what Hope really is.  We ask ourselves "Is my Hope dead?"  I think we've all done it. Placed our hopes and dreams into countless hours of research, work, time, things we accumulate, and lots of effort.  Only to have it disappear on us in a small matter of time.  But as Kim Meeder (author of Fierce Beauty--great read!) puts it Is Hope just a feeling?

She continues on to say, Hope is a choice and an action.  

It's about picking up our sword of truth and destroying the darkness and lies around us by spreading the hope and truth of Jesus.  

It's a choice.  An action.  

Do I want to choose to let myself be swallowed up by darkness, lies and the hurt around me or will I choose to see that my hope is in Jesus (He promises to never leave me) and choose to follow Him and spread His love in whatever way we can....but it's a hard choice most of the time and takes a fierce warrior.  

Hurt is so rampant in our world today.  It affects everyone.  Whether you believe in God or not.  Rich or poor. Sick or healthy.  Each day can be filled with hurt or hope, but the choice is ours.  That is why Hope is more than a feeling it's an action...a battle...a choice.  

I'm not typing this to you because I have alot of hope.... rather I'm trying to push back the darkness and fears and lies and feelings of hopelessness and hurt when I'm not sure how to stand and fight all this darkness that the world is so good at handing out.  Hope is dying around us.  Stand up for the hope that lies deep in your heart.  Fight as God fought darkness by sending His son, Jesus, to die and shed His blood for us all so that we can have a place in Heaven with Him where there is no darkness...no hurts...no ugliness of the world....and where there is Hope forever.

I think that without Hope in Jesus we cannot truly love others, we can't have peace that passes all understanding, and we can't live a life of fully trusting Him.  

So how can you start reviving hope?  One choice at a time.  One action at a time.  Here's an example of what I mean in my life.  When I'm feeling like my life is going nowhere or even getting worse in various areas. I can chose to focus on acts of love that God has already poured on me in the past reminding me that I am so loved.  An action would be as simple as a prayer to my God for my broken heart to be mended by His love so I can truly shine for Him inside and out.

  

God cries for us

I was out riding Missy for a much needed life break....As we rode through the mist and clouds, I couldn't help but think of all the clouds and rain in my life and I wondered if God really cared about all this stuff in my life.   Even the rain wouldn't quit all the way...While riding my mind kept thinking of all the recent rain in my life:  my RA flaring and the hassle of doctor appointments and insurance and learning new things, the overload of work that I can't get done because of either crazy heat or constant rain or body pain/fatigue, the things I want to do for God, but can't seem to find the energy or time, my concern about my health and future...And God to top it all off, this rain won't quit...I wondered why God had made it so humid or rain so much (as to ruin all the full capacity of the roundup spray and pasture fence line growing so out of control it'll be a miracle if I can clear it without getting poison ivy)...then there's other concerns like family, friends, church, the world, and they all have problems or concerns that need attention or prayer and it makes your heart hurt, but you don't know what to do about all the worldly problems or your friends and families....Where ARE YOU God?  so you do the one thing you can do...pray.

As I talked with God in the rain on Missy, God gave me a little insight that popped into my head that helped me see this rain in a different light.  What if rain was God's tears?  What if when it rains God is doing His best to show us that He is concerned with our problems, He does see the worlds hurts, He is concerned for us and because He loves us...Our God, my God cries on my (our) behalf!  Maybe some of you can't imagine our big mighty God crying!  let alone for us.....but He Does!!  He feels our pain, our hurts, our brokenness and He cries for us.  Jesus cried for Lazarus....do you remember the shortest verse in the Bible?  It's "Jesus wept."  I began to feel happy as I rode along on Missy and began to appreciate all the rain...God cries for me...for us all....I thought, Wow, God is really having a good cry right now, but there is lots happening in each one of our lives and God wants to show us that He is seeing that...He knows!  He loves you!  He's crying for you!  I bet God would love to swoop down to us and pick us up in His arms and just hold us in a loving embrace, but He chooses to not do this physically yet so He has to show us some other way....so God created rain.  His tears wash over our wounds and cleanse them.  They wash our scars, our dirt, and our fears.  The hot anger we feel is cooled by His refreshing tears.  Our pains our drowned in His tears of love for us.  Our hearts melted by just one of His teardrops.

So what remains after our God cries over us?  A new, refreshed us.  Cleansed by our God's tears we can once again face our fears.  Why does God let it rain?  So He can show us that His love still remains!  We can once again say, "Thank you, God, for letting me know you love me!'   When everything else is cloudy and raining in our life, we can still know that God loves us!

Missy and I started to enjoy our cloudy, rainy ride and I couldn't help but sing praises to my God as we rode down the country road.  I wasn't about to let satan defeat me now...my God was present and just like our ground here I was over saturated by His love!

So now, I smile at my God and let the rain wash down my face and arms and wherever it wants to go because it's love from my God and it makes my heart feel so good when I know He loves me so much to even cry over me and any of my struggles.  My God is so good.  Bring on the rain, God.  I need to feel your love again and again because I am weak, but thankful your love is strong!

A hard question....how do you answer?

Felt the strong need to share this with you because I often put my mouth into a situation instead of my arms and heart.

While doing this Prayer study by David Healey a question seemingly out of the blue stated this:  Imagine you have a Christian friend who feels that God is remote from his/her situation and has no sense of God's presence in their daily life.  Consequently prayer is difficult.  How can you help that person to pray?  
This question really broke my heart because I've been here.....maybe more often than I'd like to admit.
Prayer can become so hard during this time....you can think it's bouncing off walls, or maybe it's just lack of wisdom in knowing what to say because it sounds stupid or too easy or does God even care about me?  Sometimes I just can't pray.  I don't have words.  But do we really need words?  (oops I sorta trailed here...but yes I believe you can pray without words...God knows and listens to your hearts cry)

So back to the above question.  How can you help that person?....period.  At this point, God has taught me that words even with wisdom and love sometimes feel like rocks being thrown at a heart longing for acceptance and love.  

It comes down to the saying that God gave us 2 hands and 1 mouth for a reason...  I tend to let my mouth do alot more than my hands...maybe because it's easier and way less awkward than......putting your arms around someone and holding them tight and saying something like this to them...."This is what God wants to give you!  Lots of love!  He wants to hold you tight!"  Because God does!  Never have I been touched more than by God's love.  But you have to ask Him to reveal His love to you sometimes and then you have to be willing to open your eyes to the small things that God does in your life.

Yes. I know that is very hard.  You are at your lowest....you need something spectacular to lift your spirits....to know that you are loved....but He will....it just may start out with a gentle touch.

As a horse trainer, I can tell you that horses who are having the most difficult/really struggling/overwhelmed tend to not be able to handle a "quick" one step fix.  They need a gentle slow moving method as not to rush their nerves.....you don't hit your friend who is struggling with your hand or words or methods of wisdom, you first need to show them that you care and are going to try to help them in a loving gentle manner one step at a time.  So don't shove your friend into praying right away....Show them God's love first!  No words are needed, just pour out some of the love that God gives to you and share it with them.  God will do the rest.  He's the best heart doctor around!

As a sidenote, if you are struggling with knowing if God loves you, I'd encourage you to ask Him to reveal His love to you!  God loves to do this for us!  Even if it's something as simple as a sunny day! (He knows I love sunny days to ride my horses!) ;)

God's jealous for you

I'm really thankful that God is jealous for me...for you!  It's kinda something we don't talk about much....God being jealous for us, but He is.  You are so special to Him because He made you unique and beautiful as you are and He wants me and you!!!

It's not a coming and going kind of jealousy that we often experience here on earth (for example a favorite item that your friend has that you want or more for me it could be watching a horse trainer doing amazing things with their horses and wanting so bad to have that kind of relationship and fame with my horses!)....With God it's a relentless pursuit!  He pursues us.  Sometimes I feel that I need to pursue God every second in order to be loved by Him, but He's constantly reminding me that He's jealous of me and even pursues me when I'm flopping!   I laughed a bit when I came to this realization because no one loves me like that.  Let's face it, I don't have much to offer even on a good day.  God's jealousy is strong enough to love me and pursue me when I'm running away, ignoring Him, want nothing to do with Him, or searching for answers, or caught up in a whirlwind of life matters, or just plain flopping, etc.  The flopping doesn't bother Him at all!  He pursues us all the more it seems!

Recently, I was focused on something else and really thought I'd get an answer by doing this thing but I found it very unsatisfying.  I later came to realize that I had put my entire trust/hope in the wrong thing and when my high hopes came crashing down, I questioned God and my motives.  What God really did was instead of satisfying me with an answer that was not directly through Him, He made me thirsty and cry out for an answer directly from Him.  Since God was jealous for me, He wanted to be the only one to supply my need!  Not through someone else. Not through circumstances.  Not through my own reasoning.  Not by chance.  Through Him!  It's so very satisfying when relief and satisfaction comes through God.  It's a moment to soak in for sure!  I long for those moments!

I'm sure there are other reasons why God lets us be unsatisfied or find satisfaction through things other than Him, but one of the reasons I believe that God does this is to draw us closer to Him and to make us realize that He alone holds the answers we long for (even if they take forever getting to us....or seem to never come) because of His jealously for us!  He longs for us to love Him and will do anything to get our hearts and minds focused back to Him.  I love that!  God's jealous for me, and will do anything to get my attention and love!

Sometimes it's good to focus on how much we are loved by God.  Then praise God for how much He loves you!  I'm grateful that God is jealous for me!

Sink or Swim. When God asks for your life-jacket....

I'm scared to be in big bodies of water...I'm no beach bum nor do I get excited for water sports or crossing bridges, but I had a scare with water when I was young so hence the caution.  I can't imagine why God put a water story for me in my brain today other than I really must need it.  The story goes like this...

I'm on a boat, big enough to have a small deck above and below it.  Not sure what I'm doing on a boat as it didn't make much sense at the time but I had a few ship mates as well...we all served the Captain (who was later revealed to me as God) of our ship and we all were given one life-vest in case of an emergency.

I'm not exactly at smooth-sailing in my life right now so you can bet that boat found a horrific storm! Pelting rain, hideously loud thunder and lightning streaks were the only way of seeing in the darkness that swallowed our boat.  The storm raged for days and we all suffered, but most of the crew could sleep, while I was fully awake a fearful tossing and turning on my sleep turns.  The crew of the small ship tried their very best to control the boat under the Captains orders but the waves were too strong and the order of "Life-jackets on!" made my heart in my chest drop to the ground.  Great! I hated storms and being stuck in the middle of the ocean on angry waters and winds was not my idea of adventure.  With my life-jacket securely on, I tried my best to help the crew, but I really didn't know what I was doing. Water was everywhere and I knew the boat would surely sink or be tossed under the angry waves.   I was thankful for my life jacket. It was my security and only hope of surviving clear out here and in these conditions.  But the Captain called me to his quarters where He asked me to take off my life-jacket and give it to him.  WHAT? I cautiously questioned his authority....I'll die without my life-jacket?!  I mean really we all know the Captain goes down with the ship right?  He's been out in storms before why make me who knows nothing of how to do anything with a ship or fears water....why should I have to go without my life jacket?

I handed the Captain my life-jacket, the one thing I had, the only thing I had was now his.  I gave all I had to him.  Stunned and shocked I began to look for another life-jacket...it was hard being tossed to a fro and look at the same time....I asked the crew for help and none of them would give up their life-jacket for me either....a couple of them said to trust the Captain.  But how could they know what it was like to not have a life-jacket when they all had one on!!!!???  It was no use....no spare life jackets were found and while the crew was either swept over or abandoning ship with a chance to live and succeed through this storm I was forced to stay aboard and sink with the ship.  The Captain, who was by this time the last one besides me on the boat, found me again. I thought how strange that He isn't wearing my life-jacket just holding it close to his side.  As if taunting me he looked directly at me and said,  "It's up to you, either you sink or swim."  Now alone on the steadily sinking boat, I began to search for things that may be able to yet save me.  However, it seemed that whatever I found was already broken, old and rusted out, or too weak and powerless to hold hope in.  I couldn't believe the Captain would leave me here all alone to die so I yelled and cried,  Why my life jacket? Why couldn't he have left me that life-jacket?  Didn't He know that was my only sense of security the only thing I owned that could get me through this storm and He takes it away?  Why?  He didn't even use or need it?  Why did He leave me here all alone.....no one would be coming to my rescue.  

As I was tossed overboard, I remembered my Captains words....what was I to do sink and drown or swim and keep swimming?  Where though?  Where do I swim?  Shore could be so many different directions.....which way do I go?......could I reach the shore before tiring out and drowning....what if a fish attacked me?

I decided to swim.  I picked the direction the waves were pushing me and then prayed I could keep swimming....How long was I to swim and where would this swim lead me?

Suddenly I knew who had my life-jacket.  I knew where my security was....I knew where hope could be found.  It wasn't in that life-jacket at all.  It wasn't in the securities I let go of.  Hope was resting in knowing that God was holding my life-jacket, the very one I gave up for Him when he asked me too. I hadn't realized it but I indeed left my hopes and securities in His hands and I knew whether I sank or continued to swim, God was always going to hang onto what I gave Him which sometimes isn't much at all and sometimes it all looks bad but He'll never let go of what I give Him.

So now I'm swimming because sinking isn't an option right now.  Could I still sink?  Yes, I could sink....I've done it a couple times already, but when Peter began to sink He called out to Jesus and Jesus caught Peter.  So I have to believe that if I sink, my Captain, my God and my Jesus will be there to catch me and pull me out of the world and storm that's making me sink.  After all, He's pulled me up from sinking a few times already.

I may be swimming alone right now.  You ever struggled with something that no one seems to understand...maybe you're swimming alone right now too....it's ok we need to go it alone sometimes. Have all your options run out?  Is what you've trusted in gone?  God wants you to swim and renew your trust and hope in Him as sometimes you gotta get tossed into the middle of the storm to see exactly where your hope lies...Is your Hope lying in Jesus's hands?

Who's holding your life-jacket today?

Your hopes not in the life-jacket, but the One who holds your life-jacket!

Searching for God's will-2018 Battle Cry

Did you miss me keyboard?  We haven't had a touching moment together for awhile!  I've needed to type but it seems I'm having a hard time putting life's matters into words.  Words can be tricky can't they.  We can say things we don't mean to say quite easily, and yet when it comes to something healing and loving it can be few and far in between.  Why is it so hard for me sometimes?!

Sometimes I think that God can be few worded and far in between with the words I need desperately from Him.  I'm not alone in this as the Psalmists wrote about wanting God's help, refuge, strength, and direction.  There are a few prayers I pray that have not been answered, and it's frustrating. Maybe I'm just not smart enough to understand what God's trying to tell me, maybe I'm not in tune or blocking Him out, or maybe I'm being too loud, or maybe I'm not trusting God enough.

Recently, I heard lots of songs about giving God control and trusting Him on the radio.  I know they were all played for me from God.

ALL my life....I've heeded the messages of waiting on the Lord...though I admit I wasn't patient and there were times of failing, but I waited....yet still nothing as yet another year passes and another year praying.

Yes...The Israelite's waited 40 years in the dessert before they could enter the Promised Land, I told myself.  Wow! I'll be 67!  Can waiting turn into rotting?  Because I'm pretty sure that's just what my body will be doing!

Last year, I asked God for courage and He provided some for me.  With His help, I was able to do many things I thought never possible.  In many ways, He has answered my prayers and I'm so very grateful.

Fear often grips me (for whatever reasons) and so I ignore the dreaded fear or run as fast as I can to get away from it to get relief and find safety and control!  I was surprised when God used some of my greatest fears and "out of my controls's" this year and turned them into my greatest spiritual/God moments of the year!

A thought came to me....what if waiting was me running away from a fear?  What if I need to be bold and go courageously into the unknown?  What if I changed my passions to acts of compassion?  What if I traded my securities for insecurities?  What if I traded my distrust in God for trust in God? Dared to help others more than myself?  Dared to live life with very little and give alot?  What if all this waiting is just an excuse not to face my fears?

This year, 2018, will be a year I strain to face my fears (or at least a few of them) so that I can give God total control.  Yes. That means I could end up doing things that people/the world don't understand why I'm doing and honestly, I won't understand either, but I know I can trust God.  He is the one that got me through 2017 and if He wills it...2018.

Romans 12:2(NLT) 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

I think the above verse will be my verse of the 2018 year!  I really really want to know God's will for my life, but the customs and behaviors of this world keep pressures on me almost constantly!  And yes, I've been known to explode because of them.  After all I'm getting older and should already be a parent, or at least married or moved out, have a well paying job, sound investments, and retirement plans and future plans in order....That's a successful life to our world here in America.

However, the times I've been most successful are generally filled with moments of facing my fears and letting go of "my self"  and giving God total control...it's not when I make myself a success, it's more like when I let God use me for what He designed me for which is good and pleasing to Him no matter how little I have to offer Him.   And these are also the times I feel most loved by Him since He doesn't have to use me, but chooses to because He loves me.

What if I traded my distrust in God for trust in God?  To myself I ask this question.  What's causing me to not fully trust God?  Since I've been praying much (at least for me) about my future and God's will for my life and not getting a direct answer.....it can cause me to think God doesn't care about me....or has no future plans for me....(Am I dying soon?)...or needs me to wait.....did I pray the wrong prayers?  or maybe I need to simply trust God and do what He wants of me right now.  Don't worry about what the world says, or what others are doing or saying, or what those mocking voices in your head are screaming. 

I've found that God is more than happy to give us ideas of what we could be doing for Him right now!  I just get wrapped up in the many things I'm not doing for Him sometimes and then end up with doing nothing.  Or tell Him that what He wants won't matter.... and I'm only interested in the long run or ending result....If I were only interested in what my horses gave me in the long run or end result...that would mean, I didn't really care about all those little moments of growth and love we shared with each other through our training and relationship building.  Those little moments just didn't matter!  Hmmm...they didn't matter?  I'd say those little steps of training have helped make my horses into something wonderful and have helped to keep me safe working with them by not skipping little things.  Don't you see that little steps help in the long run?   

Letting God speak to your heart about the little seemingly unimportant things can only lead to Him helping you with the bigger more important/pressing things and maybe even the pressing/important things won't seem that pressing when you are listening to a loving God who gently holds what's best for you.....So go ahead...do what God wants of you today!  It matters even if it's just between you and Him. 

Below are some fun pics to get me "jump" started this year!  They remind me of how sometimes we need to take action and fiercely fight our worldly desires in searching for God's will in our lives.  The other picture reminds me of resting in knowing that God desires to have a close relationship with each of us and wants us to trust Him fully.

Needing a purpose?

Philippians 3:10Amplified Bible10 [For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [[a]which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]