Ok, let's see if I can get through this post without falling asleep....I have Rhuematoid Arthritis. It is an auto-immune disease that attacks your whole body. It's like your body is at constant war with itself. There is no cure. And yes fatigue and arthritis are just a few of the symptoms. I've heard it expressed this way: You wake up tired, you fight to stay awake in the afternoons and you can't sleep at night because you're in pain. Very accurate if your meds aren't working and you are having a flare up of symptoms.
I'm rather blessed as this draws me to God for strength. But some days I just don't know what to say to God.
Getting into my upper 20s and having trouble controlling the symptoms can make one think: What am I going to do when I can't work anymore? If I'm this bad now....what will it be like when I'm older? Will I have a place to live? with my horses? I don't want to be a burden to anyone......I need to invest in my future right now! Should I move to a better climate? Should I be doing something more for you God, while I still can? TEll ME! WHAT DO I DO?
There are 3 things that one must have in order to beat this disease. 1. God. I don't know how He does it or why He does it when I've often yelled at Him...but He does! He provides strength to get through each day even on the days where you can hardly convince yourself to get out of bed let alone get dressed due to pain/stiffness.
2. A support system. My family deserves blue ribbons for dealing with me. At times, I just get so tried of being TIRED and fighting every day that I say hurtful things to them when I know that they are just trying to help. I'm sorry family and I'm super thankful for each of you! My extended family included!
3, A sense of humor. A good sense of humor is a must when you fight any disease. For ex. I'll have days where my hand just won't work...."Hey could someone give me a hand over here!" (That's a lame joke, but you get the idea!)
You have days where you feel guilty. Guilty because you know of others who have it far worse than you do and you almost feel blessed to be able to do the things you can do.
Then you'll have days where you feel worthless and wonder how many things you could do if you didn't have this disease.
Then you wonder sometimes..What's the point? What's the point of life? To live a comfortable life being a responsible adult, paying your bills on time, working a steady job, investing in your future, doing things that are profitable for all when the time allows you, going to church steady and being active with that, supporting your family, get a proper education, go on vacations, raise a family, etc? That doesn't seem quite it to me...
I've been wrapped up with many of those things right now. I've even questioned God. What's it even mean to be a Christian? Should I move? Where? Better climate for RA? Cheaper land for horses? Should I stay? I've got a great job (and I love being around my family), but reality tells me I won't be able to do it forever. I'd love to invest in land, but land prices around here are outrageously expensive so expensive that I've looked into other states prices....I can't stand living in the city and I'll need a place for my horses.....the list goes on and on.
Being a responsible adult is no fun most of the time. Trusting God with your life and plans is really really tough. I like having a plan. I like having a backup plan....even a backup's backup plan if necessary.
Some days I laugh at myself. Why invest in me when this earth is not my home?!! Why am I so bothered with my future plans? Why am I being such a human? God's got this. He's got a plan! Why can't I trust Him?
I've gone to the Bible for "my future plans" and it's kinda confusing. "If you don't work, you won't eat." (2 Thess. 3:10) But then Jesus says, 'Don't worry about your life' (Matt.6:25) Proverbs 6:6-8 tells us to plan ahead (like the ant) and Proverbs 27:23 tells us to pay attention to our "flocks and herds" which were investments of the people back then. In contrast James 4:13-15 says “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’
I'm a mist.
So what should a Christian be doing here? I read an article and appreciated it's closing: "Invest your time and resources here on earth wisely. Invest into your eternity even more. Repent daily of sin. Pray daily to your Father. Sing praises daily to the Lord. Bring the gospel to the lost daily. Be a hearer of the Word and then do what it says! Pray for your family and friends! God loves you and desperately wants a life with you in heaven. If you have not accepted Christ as your Savior, do not delay! Your hour may be at hand today!"
The Bible states that we have to become like little children. Matt. 18:3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Children, for the most part, believe anything you tell them without any doubt. That's what I want. I want to be a child of God that believes in Him without any doubt. I have a long ways to go so I must throw away the "adultness!" Surrender the control you think you have, it's just an illusion! (heard that once in a sermon)
You can plan for your earthly future, but you first need to tell God of your plans. Trust Him with your earthly future and your Heavenly future will be secure. Remember you and I are just a mist that He created. A very loved and treasured mist, but a mist that will soon vanish.
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