Afraid to be Weak

Only the strong survive. If you're down, suck it up, move on.  If you're hurt, hide it, don't expose the hurt.  Be strong.  The weak get trampled.  It's what our society says.   It's what I do and probably you do when you are hurt...I'm afraid to be weak.  Christians are suppose to be strong, right?

I've been fighting so long with my disease, trying to figure out life and if I have a future, what I need to be doing for Jesus,etc. and feeling so weak and tired because it feels like I'm walking alone and no one understands.

I've hurt others and that's something I hate doing, but feel like I'm doing it too often.  I try to do right and be strong so hard, but I'm still messing up...I'm still weak and I'm afraid that I'll always be weak.

My relationship with God has really changed over the past years.   I'm pretty needy of Him because I'm super weak and these past 2 years have been a challenge physically, mentally, and spiritually. God's deepest desire for us is for us to desire Him and maybe....maybe I'm getting to this point this year.  Ever since getting a disease, I've had to learn to rely on Him for health and strength. Now it's time for me to rely on Him for bigger things like my future and freedom from myself.                                                                                
When God seems to be silent in areas of your life that are most important you tend to panic and wonder if He's left it up to you....but you know you're not strong enough.  Still you think it's up to you now so you fight...keep fighting the good fight...right you're a fighter not a quitter.  But what if you need to quit fighting a fight that God wants to fight for you?

How do you let go? I'm still trying to learn this and I'm trying to be ok with not being strong...being weak. I like being tough and strong...broken and weak is not my style.  But what if that's what God wants of us to use us.  Are we willing to show others we're weak and broken? That God still works through the weak and broken? The ones that can't fight any longer? The ones that have fought too long?

Found a song I really like by Jason Gray called Weak.  It caught my attention.  You should give it a listen. I really like Jason's songs and am learning that God has really used his weaknesses so this gives me hope that maybe God can use my weakness too!  You don't have to be strong because God is already strong and can be your strength too if you let Him.

God, help me to let you help me because when I am weak You are strong.  Help me learn to let go and not be afraid to be weak.  Amen.