Are You In or Out?

I've been doing this study of God's attributes and am learning lots!  There are quite a few questions that are really tough to answer and some I don't know how to answer.....

While horse back riding with my sister, I mentioned some things that I had been learning and how I felt pretty inadequate as a Christian and rather selfish.....here we are only on this earth for a little while and what am I doing?  Rapped up in my own troubles, concerns, etc.  We are here to be Jesus....to be lights....to go low(do the dirty work)....to bring hope...

It's not that I'm never selfless, but I've been thinking that "I" get in the way too often....I can't do that because: I'm tired....I'm not good enough....what will people think about me....that's just not me, God,....My life is too busy, etc.

Is my life really mine?  Yes, God, I'll follow you when it's convenient, when life slows down, when I figure this big decision out, when I'm married, after I take that dream vacation, etc.  Forgetting that I promised God 100% of me...of I. 

So to help myself out with being less selfish (which is extremely hard), I'm trying to first give God my best time...my best me....sometimes I do my Bible study when too tired or rushed...I've even skipped it occasionally (that's why I like yearly devotional studies--they help tons!)...And as far as prayers: be more intimate and real...not just reciting the same words....I've prayed Psalm 27--great read, btw!.... and even out loud praying, etc.  Sidenote:  but I absolutely love that Psalm!  Was it David who wrote it? Very heartfelt read!

It troubles me to think about the percentage of me that is given up to Jesus....Never was good at stats, probabilities or percentages....but I know Jesus doesn't expect me to be 100% amazing because then He wouldn't have had to die for me....still, this crazy idea came to my brain on our ride....and I blurted out.. "So to become less selfish I should just do the opposite of what I really want to do!"(btw, for you over-thinkers, I'm not saying that what you want to do is necessarily a bad thing and this was probably an extreme version selfish test!)  I get really fired up about things and without thinking I said I should do it for a whole month!!!  My sister seemed impressed and said something like...."Wow!  That would be really hard!"   When my brain finally caught up to my mouth, I said..."well maybe for just a week...maybe..."....It was tough, but fun!  I like challenges...but wheu!!!  I found out that I am pretty selfish....unfortunately, the more I read the Bible and learn about Jesus the more I see these two truths: 1.  I need Jesus so very much in my life!  2.  Boy, I need to work on about 40 pages of stuff!!!  I'm hoping and praying that Jesus will give me some answers on what I need to work and focus on for now.....because if you are like me and someone hands you 40 pages of what you need to work on you'll probably raise an eyebrow, jaw drop and look for the nearest trash can!

God also comforted me with this about being selfish or not in it 100%.....Do you remember Jonah?  he was a good prophet of God...but when God told him to go preach to Nineveh...what did he do?  He ran.  I find that odd...a prophet of God running from God....anyways He hated the Ninevehites and did not want to go preach there.....so you could say that He was 100% not in!!!!  100% selfish!  Even after being swallowed by a whale and spit back out....Though Jonah went to Nineveh, his heart was still full of selfishness (but these people are soo bad, God!)  and I'd say some hate and anger too (As he sits under his shade tree waiting for God to destroy Nineveh....)....which God doesn't do......Jonah throws a little fit, but God still used Jonah!  Pretty inspiring to me! What's more inspiring?  God loved those wicked people so much that He gave them another chance.  Everyday, God gives us chances to be 100% in!  What I find fascinating is that even when we aren't 100% in or up to it, GOD STILL USES US!  Praise be to Jesus for using me and you anyways!