This Is Not My Journey

My life has taken so many drastic changes in the last few months.  It really reminds me that this life is not my own but God's.  This is absolutely not the journey I would have chosen but it is the journey God has chosen for me.  Even though I don't like it or even hate it at times, I still have Hope...even though some days I feel like Hope is just not there anymore...I am choosing to believe that God is not done with me yet and that perhaps He has something better in mind for me and perhaps I'll even like it?  Because, as I learned from Bill, a dear brother in Christ, who has also just recently gone to be with Jesus after a hard hard battle with cancer.... You have to believe that God is in control otherwise you won't be able to make it in a hard painful journey.  You have to let go of what if I did this or

 that...maybe I wouldn't be in this situation...cuz when you start doing that all the control lies on you when really you never had any control....you're not that powerful.  You have to believe that where you are today is right where God wants you and you let God have control and trust that whether things change for the better or worse...God is still in control.

That can be really hard. You have to choose to not hate God for the hard journey He has given you.  See it's easy to love God when you love your journey.  You have the perfect job, the perfect house the perfect spouse, perfect health, perfect stability, perfect finances perfect relationships ...but what if God takes one or more of those things away? Can you still journey on with God when He lets so much difficulty and pain into your life?  What if God doesn't let your journey get any better? Can you still walk that journey with Him?  

Sometimes I wish I could see how much longer my journey on the earth is...or if God could let me know how much more pain I have to go through till my journey is over.  But God chooses to not tell us.  Why because He desires our love of Him to be so big so deep that our bodies become a living sacrifice to Him...it comes down to trusting God every step of our journey.  

I don't know how to trust that deep yet...perhaps God, in His mercy and love for me will help me learn to trust His ways are better than mine and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. 

Right now things are tough.  I am experiencing the hardest times ever in my own personal lifetime.  I am overwhelmed. Exhausted and in pain. Confused and frustrated.  The only reason I can't be continually mad at God is because I need Him so much.  In every part of my life.  He has exhausted my resources so I must trust Him.  

Quick health update: Praise God!! I passed all my MRI tests and biopsies no cancer was found! I am currently seeing through zoom an Australian nutritionist in which we are taking supplements and taking stool samples and cutting out gluten dairy and soy products.  However, you can still buy me chocolate!! Walmart and Kroger still has dairy and soy free dark chocolate!! Actually, Cacao is one thing I need to eat more of so 70 to 85 percent cacao chocolate is totally in for me!!! Yes!!! So see you can still get me chocolates!!  Ok so I researched this nutritionist and he has helped over 500 people with gut and autoimmune diseases so maybe God will choose to help me through this guy...hope so he costs a lot and this is the most I've spent on myself.  Well if God chooses to not heal me it won't be because I didn't try! Currently I'm working part time at a nursing home but will need another plan or more hours to help pay for things.  My body's inflammation is still high so my feet and ankles can hardly stand and walk most days without hurting. I have a cripples walk in the morning..can barely do steps than by afternoon I can usually walk ok and do steps again. Hands and wrists are very inflamed too.  We went to see my RA Dr and he suggested starting a new med but was ok not starting it yet unless I get worse. I want to see if supplements and diet do anything.  Plus I hate putting those strong meds that can cause cancer into me...but my RA Dr pointed out I'm at a high risk for cancer and other stuff if we don't get inflammation down.  Boy nothing like being up against walls either way!! 😫 Still taking methotrexate and 4mg of Prednisone per day along with bunches of supplements.  

I'm thinking of going into house sitting or pet sitting like taking care of your house and pets while your on vacation...just the very basics.  Really I'm probably doing as much as I can with my old sick body but am loving taking care of my neighbors 2 horses and cleaning stalls again!! Will see what happens but prices keep going up and I'll do what it takes to get money coming in...course that's again up to God and my health.  Out of my control.

Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers and support! I appreciate all of it so much! I'd rather be the cheerleader than the one that needs cheering but thanking God for you all! 

Enjoy some cute pics of Amos and Revy learning new tricks! 

Until next update, keep journeying on the path God has before you, friend, He has better days ahead for us.  Choose to stay with Him even when you'd rather leave.  Choose to read that Bible and pray often for that is sometimes the only peace we can experience on a hectic journey.