It's Day 29 of the Lion Diet and it's not doing a thing for me. I finally cheated this week. I had fresh pumpkin seeds and I made a healthy dessert of peanut butter and maple syrup and semi sweet chocolate chips cooked that up and it was at least an unprocessed healthy dessert. I've been so hard core in this diet but I'm losing hope...the very reason I began this diet was to keep my job at the horse farm....but my body gave out on me and it seems God literally forced me to quit my beloved job. I really need a job especially with all my upcoming medical bills so trusting God will supply something. Secondly, I did not want to become a cripple so my discipline was amazing for this diet...but looks like I'm a cripple or headed there as my pain is the worst it's ever been. ( I am currently taking a round of Prednisone which is helping bring down pain thankfully) This Monday, I go in for a CT scan of my chest abdomen and pelvis to check for cancer. Yeah...cancer...I feel kinda doomed as I asked my hemotologist if he thought I could have cancer and he told me yes you are at a high risk for cancer... Since doctors and meds won't work to bring down my inflammation, I need to get checked for cancer as that can cause inflammation to be so persistent. Wow God has cast me into the fire with all that is happening in my life. Sometimes I'm just very speechless as I sit quietly and ponder my life right now and wonder why God won't even let me or my family have a breather. I find at times my body is frozen and I'm unable to move from either shock or perhaps just plain confusion at where God is leading me. I have never been in a valley this deep dark and discouraging. Im completely overwhelmed. Every day presents another problem.
I know God's with me in this valley but I can't hear Him. Perhaps He knows I'm unable to bear what He has to say to me so He's waiting till I'm ready to listen. I see God's hand in my life but where is His voice? I feel like chaff aimlessly blowing from one discouragement to the next and all I can mutter to pray consistently is God help me.
So how can I encourage my fellow sufferers...I read this in Isaiah 30 today, Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, This is the way; walk in it." I'm asking God to open my ears to His voice and that I could recognize His voice when He says, Sandy this is the way walk in it.
Second encouragement. I do not consider myself to be worth much. I'm no preacher. No teacher. No big gun for Jesus so I question if I even fit into this category. But I was listening to a David Wilkerson sermon on why God let's some believers go through fire, through "hell" and continual suffering if you will. Why are some believers persecuted non stop and others seem to have minimal problems. Many reasons but here's just one reason. God is looking for believers who will walk through fire and follow Him through all kinds of sufferings because those are the believers who testify of God's glorious might in their lives and give God the most glory because these believers have learned to trust God through anything!!! Whatever comes their way!! Nothing can break this believers faith!! And faith pleases God! This is the testimony our world needs to see the most! God can use this testimony and desires this kind of testimony. God can use this believer more and more to proclaim Himself through because this believer knows it's not about what they've done for God, but about what God has done for them. They give God the complete glory! You'd think God would protect these believers for there amazing desire of Him and there Faith in Him but instead He allows all this bad stuff because He knows they are fully surrendered to Him and are letting God have complete control in there lives. This is a life God will use. Desires to use. Longs to use. But not many are willing to be used like this. So be encouraged if God has you in the fire today. Trust Him. He will use you because you aren't in a position to get any glory...only God gets the glory and what a testimony we then get to be for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Our glory fades but God's glory shines! Isn't this what we are hear for? To bring glory and praise to God?!
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