So Far Away!

Words.  That's how we describe things, but I'm finding words hard today.  It's like I'm living in another world and I'm shouting but no one is listening.  So I write....to myself, unless dear reader, you are entertained....Maybe we overuse words-maybe we just don't know their true meanings?

Love...a 4 letter word that is so misinterpreted it shouldn't even exist.  I'm just beginning to partially understand the word...and its not associated with what I planned.  Love is associated with happiness AND hurt.  It is selfless.  It is REAL!  I wish I could be more specific for you, but I can't. At 24, I've had enough experience to tell you that Love is the hardest thing you can ever accomplish in your entire life because it is the basis to every other detail in your future.  Whether you choose to love or not in certain situations--it not only affects you it affect others.

I'm actually very sick of this world and I don't want to be here anymore.  Its not that I don't enjoy things in this world-it's just I know what awaits! I can't wait to be in Jesus' arms in Heaven where I truly am loved.  I just want to be there right now!  It's nice to have glimpses of Heaven now and then on earth...God gave me that privilege recently.....Some of you know that I have family in Japan and getting to see them is a huge treat, but what amazes me is how close we are to each other even though we live worlds apart and aren't able to see each other very often.  Focusing on this love thing this year has put my mind in a "love perspective" mode.  Sometimes I don't want to love, sometimes I don't get a thing out of it, but I do it anyway--kinda a forced love and what is cool is God blesses me for that attempt and pretty soon I'm not forcing it!  It's there!  I have an insurmountable love for my family and extended family!  It's really real!  And every time I get together with my cousins and family--I feel like this is what LOVE really is like!  This is what Heaven must be like!  Love just pours out in my family and I think I can honestly say I have some of the best hugging cousins in the world! ;)  I think because of ya'll..I'm becoming a hugger too!  :) It so hurts to have to say good-bye to them and I know in Heaven I will never have too say good-bye again!  I am so blessed to have a loving family and am thankful that God has taught me so much about love this year.  I wasn't always like this, but love should never be hidden or thrown away!  Maybe this is why God gave us a heart--to store love in so we can stay close to each other even when miles and miles of distance exists between us.  I LOVE YOU FAMILY!!!  All of you are so amazing and I'm so glad you are in my life!  Guess I'm dedicating this post to Rachel and Hannah Klaus since they were able to come to America this year and it was so good having them here!  My heart is happy and I know one day I'll be able to see them forever!!!

If I didn't have horses.......?????

...It's maybe a really good thing we don't have to go there!  Thankfully, I do have horses and God teaches me through them. Monday really felt like a Monday.  I felt alot of life pressures and was just disgusted with where I was at and what I was thinking and was I really doing the right thing?Sometimes I think we just feel trapped in this world.  We don't understand where our life is going or we just want to get there too fast--or give up!  All after thanksgiving when I should feel thankful for longer than just a couple days.....right?

On top of all this it's winter....that time of year where I can't get much accomplished as a horse trainer if I even qualify as one....a great horse trainer listens to the horse...yesterday I rode Kitty and she did pretty well so I decided to do some liberty work with her, but I wasn't listening to her needs....I felt frustrated because I have so many horse goals that I never seem to be able to reach for lack of space, equipment, knowledge, and time!  Most of the time I'm just happy to be able to get out there and exercise my girls or re-break them to ride after they turn into winter rodeo broncs. But yesterday I wanted more and so I pushed Kitty too hard-no I never lost it or got mad--I was forcing myself and her to a point where we just need more time to understand it.  I was just about to "get really impatient" when Kitty decided to ask me why I was being so hard to understand...her soft brown eyes seemed to be quietly waiting for me to relax and see that she was trying her best to please me.  I didn't really notice or care at that point...I just kept asking for more and Kitty just did what any good horse would do--she guessed and became "anticipaty"---and as I moved into a better position all the while getting more impatient...Kitty must have thought I was asking for a hug because all of the sudden I had a firm horse neck around me and the really neat thing was she didn't stop hugging me!!!  She melted my disgusted heart and filled it back up with love and patience.  Needless to say, I was much more patient with her the rest of the time and the training session progressed--all because her act of love reminded me to "get my act of love back together!"  Very thankful that God uses my horses to keep reminding me that He loves me!  Sometimes we just have to stop and see what's right in front of us!  I'm glad God opened my eyes to see how much "love" was missing in my heart.......Here's a really cool pic that captures how much love we have for each other! <3

The reason I can write such a nice post tonight is because Missy put me in a really great mood with her liberty work.  She is much further along than Kitty so we can actually work with no ropes attached at the walk and trot but lots of work and plans ahead!  Anyway, she really impressed me tonight so maybe I can train horses after all!  In this picture, Missy was told to stay (she was perfect btw) while Kitty worked and demonstrated a bit....I just love these girls!