Ever had that day where you think the only safe place for you is in bed? You plan and plan you pray and pray and still your plans and prayers seem constantly destroyed or unanswered? What's wrong with my life, God? Why does my life seem so out of control? It can almost seem like God has blessed others but not you....ever had a day like that dear reader?
Well let's take a for instance. Last year, my truck broke down in North Dakota and needed a new engine. So we got it one after praying on if we should fix it or try to find a newer truck. Now this year while hauling to CO, my truck's radiator broke and we overheated. Wait it gets better. We then had brake problems...not once but twice. Now I know I drive an older truck, but dog gone it so do other people. Why is it just my truck that has to break? All while on vacation I should add! Now settle down partner, I ain't one to complain, but the time has come for me to explain that if I have one more break down, I'll break down myself. Had my truck in the shop last week for a good reason....it wouldn't start. Got that fixed. Now today the ABS light pops on and off. Great! Now I gotta take my truck in somewhere tomorrow and hope it can get looked at soon....like before Friday...;we wanted to leave then. Ho hum...I should be used to this. I should take it in stride, but dog gone it...it makes me mad and VERY stressed!! So I had to ask God tonight.....WHY IS MY LIFE SO OUT OF CONTROL? WHY CAN'T YOU BLESS MY TRUCK AND TRIPS?!! God knows I've prayed. He knows I've prepared and planned. He knows I've spent lots of money on new truck parts. He knows that I'd love to be confident in my truck again instead of losing sleep and wondering ok when are we breaking down and how bad this time?
I think God is trying to ask me something. You ever asked God a question and then He responds to you with a question? God's answer to me: SANDY, HAVE I EVER NOT PROVIDED FOR YOU? HAVE I LEFT YOU TO STAND ON YOUR OWN? CAN'T YOU TRUST ME? You see, maybe I am trusting in my new truck parts and my planning because if Im losing sleep and and stressing out you can bet that I think I have some control over my situation. But, I don't. I just don't. I'm already talking about a newer truck like I can place my trust in a newer truck.....but newer trucks still break down too. So isn't it just better to put my trust in something or someone who always has control in every situation? Yeah, Problem is I know the answer, it's just hard to believe the answer isn't it. God says He is in control no need to fear. I've done what I can. I need to let God do the rest. He knows what's best. I just don't always agree with what or where He leads me or the outcomes He lets happen. That can cause a tension between me and God so I find myself taking another step up the stairs of trust God with everything! Even the outcomes whether they be favorable or not, I can trust that God knows what He is doing and that He will work it all out for His Glory and for my good. That's important to tell yourself. God has your good in mind. So whether God allows good or bad in your life, He is always thinking of you first and how He can help you become closer to Him. God knows that's my desire...to be closer to Him.
So when bad days come and even bad vacations, remember that God NEVER takes a vacation from loving you. He NEVER smirks and waves good-bye as He sees you stuck or lost or struggling and think Oh well they (sandy) deserves it. Instead He wants you to realize just how capable He is to take care of you when all of you ( your plans, your smarts, your preparedness, even your prayers of success let you down), God is still in control and He's trying to draw you closer to Him.
Here I am God.
Just so you know, my day's been pretty odd
My life is spinning fast
My mind reminds me of my failed past
My plans are getting stripped
And so I really want to quit
But help me remember You've always been there
I'll always have You to care
For a cowgirl like me
Often forgets how to see
How good that you take care of my broken me
Why is it that your provision can be so hard for me to see!
So forgive my cowardly, untrusting heart
And help me to do my part
At reaching up and out to You
When I have no clue at what to do
I realize that at this very time
When control is just not mine
I'm forced to surrender everything to you
And fully trust You in whatever You do
I feel better knowing I'm held up by your hand!
.....I bet all along that this was your plan!
