God, it's beyond my strength! (a cry from the heart of a child of God)

There are many times, I run out of strength and need God to take over.  I know that my body is slowly and at times painfully dying so I have learned to depend on God for my strength and relief each day.  Everyday I ask Him to help me get through one more day.  "Be my strength and energy, Lord.  I can't do it without you."  Each trial I walk or crawl through is a learning experience with God.  He teaches me lessons, reminders and sets me up for the way He wants to use me because I'm so broken and weak at times there is no one else who can possibly do for me what God can and does.  Trials can sometimes lead to despair in a Christians life.  We pray and the prayers are unanswered.  We spring into action, but nothing good comes of it.  We hang in and wait on God only to have even more problems arise while we wait.  We try to be helpful only to constantly take a face plant.  We try to be of help only to end up being a dagger instead.  We get to a point where we just want to give up.  I'm not doing any good for you here, God.  Just take me home! 

I was at that point today.  Out of almost nowhere, besides being tired, such despair.  Many questions.  God, if I just hurt people than why am I here?  God, I've followed through with what you said, but look where it got me!?  God, why have you brought me through so much only to destroy me now?  God, why have you burdened my heart with something so heavy I can't even express it rightly to anyone?  God, why have you lead me to this path?  I was barely able to walk the previous one! 

I came home from work and I sat in the barn and I cried and cried and cried.  That was part one of my time with God....just weeping.  Then came the talking.  I didn't hold back any of my questions or anguish from God.  I told Him everything.  How I'd really like to give up right now.  I've failed Him.  I asked Him to forgive me too.  We will have to answer for every word and action we say or did or didn't on Judgment Day...makes me tremble.  

I had noticed a previous sermon by David Wilkerson, "Have you felt like giving up lately?" on my phone earlier today but was not intending to get to it but God told me listen to it now!  I can try to post it on here too.

So how do you get out of giving up?  3 points David W shared.  1.  Don't think you are experiencing some strange new battle.  You're in good company according to the Bible!  Ex.  Job, Paul, Elisha, many etc!

2.  Call on God!  Loudly even!  It really is in the Bible.  Psalm 30:2, 31:32, 55:16,18 72:12 Psalm 18 

3.Take the promises of God. Go to your prayer room/closet and hold God to them!  "God, do more than I ask of you!" (Eph 3:20)     

God, when its beyond my strength, its all on you!  I'm going to pray and seek you God and believe that you are working in me, but You have to get me out!  God, help me to listen and hear and recognize your Holy Spirit in my life!  God give me more of  You because I can't do life without You.

GET USE TO DIFFERENT!

I suppose many of you use the adjective "different" when you describe me to someone.  Haha!  Being "different" if often thought of as a lonely position like an outcast or misfit.  However, that is exactly what God calls us to be a believers!  Different, set apart from the world and ablaze with a deeper love of Jesus!  We are suppose to be so different so peculiar so distinct that the world takes notice!  Problem is we don't always seem very different from the world....perhaps one reason is we can compare ourselves to others instead of Jesus.  Other Christians aren't doing it....Or other Christians are doing it!  Self gets in the way alot.  Our reputation matters to us even when we say it doesn't.  Those dead lines you are working on right now...you have to get them done otherwise your responsible reputation will be shattered.  The leadership position you are in causes people to rush you for answers...and you want to be loved so perhaps you give in sooner than you'd like.  Reputation didn't much matter to Jesus did it?  The political and religious leaders hated Jesus.  Still Jesus kept at His ministry and went through with the cross...really thankful reputation didn't matter to Jesus.  Reputation shouldn't matter to us either UNLESS we are trying to represent Jesus!  Here's where it can get sticky too.  Sometimes people have different representations of Jesus and we actually represent Him in the wrong way.  I have to admit that I have failed to represent Jesus in ways I should have or perhaps I shouldn't have.  So I have to go back to the Bible and search the life of Jesus, pray for guidance and ask for forgiveness and then try again.  Thankfully Jesus knows our motives and heart!  Wow I'm so grateful for that even though that can also be scary to me!  Mostly relieves me right now!  

I don't like to be different. In fact I'd rather blend in or not be noticed but God's word says you will be noticed when you live for Me!  Daniel braved the Kings decree and prayed to God anyway and others took notice.  The disciples were accused of turning the world upside down when they preached the gospel!  Hebrews 11 lists many "different" Jesus following believers and says the world was not worthy of them!  

This is the warning God has put on my heart.  Are we so use to what the world thinks is a Christian that when true Christians take a stand or get a little excited for Jesus we think of them as unloving or way too radical or just too different?   We are suppose to be different!  Get use to it!  I can't help but notice how often the Bible presents believers as different doing unbelievable things because the believers were so full of God's spirit in their lives!  Like casting out demons!  Or healing the sick raising the dead!  Not dying when a venomous snake bites you!!  How much time are we spending in God's word in prayer etc.  Are we spending more time with the world than with God?  Honestly, different should be a sign of a true believer.  How different are you and I from the world?  Or do we love and agree with the world?  Are we set apart?  God having us do anything strange lately or have we got so much of the world in us that we can't see a difference? 

I'm encouraging myself first... but why is it strange to want to spend extra time with God?  Perhaps you look different if you set aside a weekend to getaway with God? John the Baptist was a wilderness wonderer very different dude but God used him to ready others for Jesus.  Perhaps you seem different because you want to have more prayer meetings or start home schooling your kids or tell others about Jesus or speak up against evil in our schools or run for a political office?  Perhaps you seem different because you won't eat for a day because your heart hurts about all the evil going on in the world or you'll sacrifice something in order to put God first.  

Perhaps God is calling you to do something different and if you're like me you're like that's crazy!  That's different, God!  No!  What are people gonna say about me?  My reputation will be shattered! Generally, I try to put off and not do those things but God calls us to a life full of different especially when the world is so dark.  Are we more concerned about what the world thinks of us or what God thinks of us? 

Dear God, help us to be set apart from this world!  Help us to get use to different and turn from our passivity!  Help us to fully jump into your Holy calling not looking to others but to You.  Flood us with your Holy Spirit. Amen.

When you get a group together to pray on top the church roof as you watch God paint a beautiful sunset! Different is not always bad!  Thankful for all my brothers and sisters in Christ living different set apart holy lives for Jesus.  You encourage me so much!

When Life Doesn't Go As Planned

 Ever had that day where you think the only safe place for you is in bed?  You plan and plan you pray and pray and still your plans and prayers seem constantly destroyed or unanswered?  What's wrong with my life, God?  Why does my life seem so out of control? It can almost seem like God has blessed others but not you....ever had a day like that dear reader?  

Well let's take a for instance.  Last year, my truck broke down in North Dakota and needed a new engine.  So we got it one after praying on if we should fix it or try to find a newer truck.  Now this year while hauling to CO, my truck's radiator broke and we overheated.  Wait it gets better.  We then had brake problems...not once but twice.  Now I know I drive an older truck, but dog gone it so do other people.  Why is it just my truck that has to break?  All while on vacation I should add!  Now settle down partner, I ain't one to complain, but the time has come for me to explain that if I have one more break down, I'll break down myself.  Had my truck in the shop last week for a good reason....it wouldn't start.  Got that fixed.  Now today the ABS light pops on and off.  Great!  Now I gotta take my truck in somewhere tomorrow and hope it can get looked at soon....like before Friday...;we wanted to leave then.  Ho hum...I should be used to this. I should take it in stride, but dog gone it...it makes me mad and VERY stressed!!  So I had to ask God tonight.....WHY IS MY LIFE SO OUT OF CONTROL?  WHY CAN'T YOU BLESS MY TRUCK AND TRIPS?!!  God knows I've prayed.  He knows I've prepared and planned.  He knows I've spent lots of money on new truck parts.  He knows that I'd love to be confident in my truck again instead of losing sleep and wondering ok when are we breaking down and how bad this time?  

I think God is trying to ask me something.  You ever asked God a question and then He responds to you with a question?  God's answer to me: SANDY, HAVE I EVER NOT PROVIDED FOR YOU?  HAVE I LEFT YOU TO STAND ON YOUR OWN?  CAN'T YOU TRUST ME?  You see, maybe I am trusting in my new truck parts and my planning because if Im losing sleep and and stressing out you can bet that I think I have some control over my situation.  But, I don't.  I just don't.  I'm already talking about a newer truck like I can place my trust in a newer truck.....but newer trucks still break down too.  So isn't it just better to put my trust in something or someone who always has control in every situation?  Yeah,  Problem is I know the answer, it's just hard to believe the answer isn't it.  God says He is in control no need to fear.  I've done what I can.  I need to let God do the rest.  He knows what's best.  I just don't always agree with what or where He leads me or the outcomes He lets happen.  That can cause a tension between me and God so I find myself taking another step up the stairs of trust God with everything! Even the outcomes whether they be favorable or not, I can trust that God knows what He is doing and that He will work it all out for His Glory and for my good.  That's important to tell yourself.  God has your good in mind.  So whether God allows good or bad in your life, He is always thinking of you first and how He can help you become closer to Him.  God knows that's my desire...to be closer to Him.  

So when bad days come and even bad vacations, remember that God NEVER takes a vacation from loving you.  He NEVER smirks and waves good-bye as He sees you stuck or lost or struggling and think Oh well they (sandy) deserves it.  Instead He wants you to realize just how capable He is to take care of you when all of you ( your plans, your smarts, your preparedness, even your prayers of success let you down), God is still in control and He's trying to draw you closer to Him.  

Here I am God. 

Just so you know, my day's been pretty odd 

My life is spinning fast

My mind reminds me of my failed past

My plans are getting stripped

And so I really want to quit

But help me remember You've always been there

I'll always have You to care

For a cowgirl like me

Often forgets how to see

How good that you take care of my broken me

Why is it that your provision can be so hard for me to see!

So forgive my cowardly, untrusting heart

And help me to do my part

At reaching up and out to You

When I have no clue at what to do

I realize that at this very time

When control is just not mine

I'm forced to surrender everything to you

And fully trust You in whatever You do

I feel better knowing I'm held up by your hand!

.....I bet all along that this was your plan!

Need a fun night?

Horsing Around for Jesus is hosting a neighborhood outreach night of horse tricks demos food and fellowship this Saturday October 9th. Horse show starts at 5pm with supper to follow. Spur a neighbor on, lasso a lawn chair and come on out to the NEIGHborhood!

30 Day Challenge

As our nation fast approaches disaster on every level and yet more mask mandates with power seeking and self not God seeking Governor's and vaccination papers please or you're fired, as natural disasters rise as evil erupts and what was considered wrong is now praised...Are you getting any more desperate for God? Are you asking God to rend the Heavens? Are you spending more time with Him? When you're standing before Him on Judgement Day will He know you? He wont be checking off all your good deeds.  He will be checking on if we have a relationship with Him. Do we know Jesus?

Chances are if you know Jesus, He has His own ideas for using your good deeds, talents mistakes, weaknesses everything! We just have to let Him take control by letting Him take the reins.  Horse trainers are usually hired for 30 or 60 days of training a horse consistently so I'm a little green broke (green means I pray but I could do lots better! Green broke in horse terms means they are use to the saddle but they haven't had alot of riding) when it comes to day to day consistency so a 30 day challenge seems kinda hard but I also know I can trust God to do something great because when I sacrifice something like time God blesses me in some way even if it's a tiny blessing. 

I'm not always desperate or excited or feel like I have enough time to spend quality time with God but when I make time to be alone with God or at least think about God that's when God can draw me closer to Him and our relationship grows deeper.  I told a friend that Gods love language is quality time.  God wants your time way more than your good deeds! I can say that with confidence because scripture backs me up on this! 

In order to get better at spending more time with God can be simple. Pray on your drive into or home from work....just dont close your eyes!  Maybe you have a regular boring house chore or outside chore you can talk to God while doing. Maybe it's on a horse back ride? 🐴😆 Or walk or run? Just think of one more time during your day you can include God! 

But what do you say when you pray? My prayer life has grown in the last few years and prayer is alot easier and enjoyable but I admit I still dont know how or what to pray at times! Many times I'm just burdened and overwhelmed by something or maybe in pain or exhausted or am only able to find a few words. Let me remind you that there is no wrong way to pray when you love God.

And you can always pray scripture which leads me to the challenge. Pray a prayer in scripture for 30 days in a row and see how God works! Btw you can start tomorrow! 30 days in September!!

Isaiah chapter 64 is my 30 day prayer challenge. What's yours?  Let's not be green broke when it comes to talking with God! Lets be so broke that we are able to hear the slightest whisper and smallest touch on our heart by our God. 

Even though I love talking to God on a mountain, we can talk to Him anywhere anytime because of Jesus.  Thank you Jesus for this wonderful gift!

Jump into the Holy Spirits current!

You cant mess up Gods plan for your life...you're just not that powerful.  You cant think, I've wasted my life for God doing.....this for 10 years....No, nothing you do surprises God and He uses our past hurts and failures to His advantage.  If you dont believe me, brush up on some Bible characters like Paul and Samson or Ruth or David...God only has messy sinful fallen people to work with but if the devil can make you believe God has made you to suffer because you did too much wrong or that God just doesnt love you anymore then the devil can destroy you. Then God cant use you to help others going through similar struggles or God cant grow your need of Him and how much you need to trust Him as He allows you to be stripped of your strength, pride, finances and relationships.

You're not being destroyed by God when God allows you to go through trials...Gods just rebuilding you...tearing down your strongholds or things you think you need and replacing those strongholds with the need and desire to hold onto Him!  

I cant talk much about this subject as I'm still learning to trust God but God invited me to take another step and trust Him further and share some tough things I never thought I'd ever share but when you are truly trusting God...His opinion of me is the only one that matters.  Not my family. Not the higher ups. Not my friends. Not my mentors. Not my enemies. Not my neighbors or co workers.  But what is Gods opinion on this matter...or closer still, God what do you want me to do?

Then just jump in and do it! I heard this example of the Holy Spirit...its like a raging river that many are afraid to jump in because the current looks too strong, it might be unsafe, I might even die!  We dont think about being fully swept in by God to willing go where He leads because it might get rough but man, have you ever jumped in and been amazed at the rush of the powerful oversweeping beauty of following the Holy Spirits leading? Because once you experience the current of Gods power, you'll want to jump in more and more! Despite the dangers ahead! You know who controls the current and you want to be with Him and soaking Him in everyday because He fills you with His presence and once you taste it you wont be satisfied until you experience more and more of His presence in your life! 

Go ahead and jump! 

The TEST God needs you.

Recently, I have been able to go trail riding at a local park and I have greatly enjoyed my time out in the woods with Jesus and tons of bugs! Well, kinda wish the bugs would leave. I am spending my extra time trail riding because I hope to take my horses to the mountains for a week later this summer and they need to be in great shape for the difficulties that await them. The place I ride, doesn't make it easy on them, the trails haven't been mowed so they have to push through weeds, cross over logs, go through stickery bushes and go through deep muddy creek crossings. Of course, I don't ride them on purpose through that! And no, I won't do anything to hurt my horse! I actually love the pressure and challenges this place gives my horses because they learn to go anywhere for me and do anything. They learn how to be a confident trail horse making the mountain trails and terrain an easy test to pass.

How's your test going? What's God testing you with? Is He taking you on some unmowed trail that no one seems to be taking, but you? Are you weary of picking your feet up again and again only to be tripped again and again? Do you feel like your sinking away from Jesus and what He has called you to do? Are you walking in mud up to your knees and you wonder...why is God doing this to me? Is God taking you on a path that hurts? The harder you push towards Him, the more painful the cut. Has God ever allowed you to experience a test like this?

I have to admit, I do not understand the way of my Trainer. I just have to trust that He's making me into a confident soldier. He is preparing me for new challenges that, with His help, I can conquer. He is preparing me to battle with the devil and the challenges the enemy throws at me everyday. I heard it said by David Wilkerson as he was talking at a ministry conference that the world is so dark and evil that God can't spare any of His good soldiers! He needs you! You gotta stay in the fight! Don't stop!

The first thought I had after hearing this....Wait, David.....God doesn't need me. God doesn't need anybody. I don't think I've ever heard a preacher tell me that God needs me. It's always God loves you. The reason I came to God was because I needed Him. God certainly did not need a messy, crazy, horse loving blonde....

I guess I really don't need my horses to be in good shape, I guess I could climb a mountain or 2 without them.....but do I want to do it without them? Nope! I want to do it with them so they gotta be ready!

Now, God can save sinners without you, He can control the weather and your health without you, He can minister to hearts without you and do whatever He wants without you. But does He really want to do it without you? I want to invite my horses to climb mountains with me, but God invites you and I to invite others to Him! He wants to use you and me...not because He needs us (although He needs us to trust Him, seek Him, put on our armor, fight the devil and evil, keep persevering, sweating, getting cut up, but by all means you let Him get you into spiritual shape!!)....but He longs to use us if we will let Him because He loves us.

So, I guess it's okay to say that God needs you. God needs you to stay in the fight so He can use you. God needs you to suffer now so others won't have to for an eternity. God needs you to stay in the Word so you have an answer ready for anyone who asks you why you believe in God. God needs you to come to Him for all your needs. God needs you to keep following Him! Yes, others have strayed but you keep your eyes on God! God needs you to keep encouraging others to love Him more. God needs you to keep rejecting the enemy! God needs you to stand between the gap! God needs you to confess your sins, so He can free you. God needs you to give Him your heart so that He can save you.

God, please help me stay in the fight, knowing you can use me how I am, knowing that you love me, despite how I am, and knowing you need me to go through the tough times to make me a better soldier ready to be used by you. I need you so much God. Amen.

Wake Up!

 Have you asked God these questions yet?  What's our world doing to your heart, God?   Have you ever asked God to give you His grief?  Or what burdens His heart?  Have you ever dared to ask Jesus to share what makes Him grieve with you?  Do you even want to know!? 

I have prayed for years and years to Jesus to make me more like Him.  But I never considered sharing in His burdens for the world, or standing up for righteousness or justice, or loving someone who I've never met so much that I want to share Jesus with them....until more recently.

It's not that I haven't been following Jesus, I just realized that He wants me to ask Him for what stirs His heart....He wants me to have His heart.  What breaks His heart should break mine.  What brings His heart joy, should bring my heart joy.  

Jesus recently has awakened me to actions I need to take that I never realized I should have taken!  Why, haven't I ever realized this before!  What's the church of America doing wrong that so many do not have a deep desire to know God's heart or live for Him.  We, Christians, have allowed ourselves to become content with watered down Americanized Christianity.  How can sparks catch fire from a church whose soaking wet?  I see my God being mocked openly and spit upon and cursed.  Shouldn't this grieve us to our knees?!  What can we do God?  Why do so many hate you?  Yet, this does not seem to phase us anymore.  We allow evil and injustice to prevail--we just want to protect our ourselves and live as far away from the evil people--not try to live among them and spread goodness and Jesus, truth and love.  

Just this past half year plus we have allowed walls to be built between us (Christians).  The walls may not be made of bricks but of our own selfish opinions and a piece of cloth.  Nonetheless, it's there separating us from loving each other how God intended us to love each other.  We don't visit the sick or elderly anymore or very rarely....maybe through a window or carefully distanced....Did you know that true religion Jesus states is visiting the sick and elderly?  If I had to visit God socially distant or through a window....I'd feel so separated....I'd truly think I was in hell because I'd want to be close to Him!!  I'm so thankful that He lives in my heart and that no one can take Him out!  I need Him!  I need Him so much!  

Why have we allowed so much?  Little by little we have let more evil in.....little by little we have lost our first Love.....little by little we have become more and more selfish...

Can I take a stab at that question?  Why do we allow so much... We don't let God burden us with what breaks His heart!  Ask God now.....God, what burdens your heart?  Make it burden mine too.  Only please hold back some of the weight for if you were to give me everything that burdens and breaks your heart, my heart would surely stop beating from the sheer weight of your grief and you'd shatter it completely. 

I was wrestling with the idea....Can I really ask God to burden me with what burdens Him?  I can't even handle what burdens me...or another human for that matter!  How can I ask such a request?  Then God said to my heart...Remember Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was so overwhelmed with sorrow and grief to the point of sweat drops of blood...And Jesus said, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death!" burdened by the task of what He had to do to save me and the world from sin.  He asked his disciples to sit near him and pray!  To share in His burden!  Do you know what they did?  They fell asleep!  Not once but twice Jesus asks them to stay awake and help bear His burden and sorrow, but they always fell asleep!  These were His disciples!!!!....men who swore to die for Him unable to even stay awake and pray for Him!  Then the third time Jesus wakes His disciples...it's too late....too late for His disciples to help bear His burden for His betrayer (Judas) came with a crowd to eventually take Him to the cross.  Are we so asleep today that we can't stay awake with Jesus and help bear His burdens?  That we can't desire do do even more for Him by asking Him, Lord what do you want me to do?  How can I share in what grieves you?  The disciples didn't know that Jesus would be taken away to His death.....if they had, they would have stayed awake I believe.  We know that Jesus is coming soon!  He has said this!!  He has warned us a long time ago!  How much closer it is now than it was then!  Yes, I think the least we can do is ask Jesus to give us the burdens of His heart and when we ask Him for more of His heart, He will share with us so much that we will be shocked and encouraged in a way we have never been before!  

Please, Please Lord awaken me to what your heart desires of me!  Don't let me fall asleep! Don't let me waste my time here for You!  Amen!