The
idea of skydiving was first mentioned by my cousin, Jason, at a
family get together for Easter. Come on we were celebrating Jesus
life and resurrection from the grave...let’s not be hasty in
getting to the grave ourselves! I was asked if I wanted to go. I
laughed and said no way would I ever do that! I thought they were
crazy and well..stupid! Why would you throw yourself off a plane and
possibly die like that? I couldn’t understand it and even tried to
talk them out of it...mostly because I loved my cousins and knew
someone who was killed as a skilled skydiver.
Confirmed
in my no, it was not until after my other cousin, Rebecca, came over
to help celebrate my birthday where we put together a video of riding
horses along a mountain edge which to me, seemed pretty safe.
Rebecca announced she was going skydiving and I couldn’t hardly
believe it! I tried to convince her horse-back riding in the
mountains was safer and she tried to convince me that skydiving was
safer. Neither of us were persuaded. We each had our opinions.
However, listening to our song choice for that years horse adventure,
“Fear is a Liar,” I began to feel a bit convicted. Just because
I am comfortable facing certain fears does not mean someone else
needs or should be. We all have our fears. We all will risk
everything for someone or something. Besides fear is a liar.
My whole life has had its fear facing challenges. When I was
diagnosed with RA, I had to either give up and let fear win or face
my fears and new challenges by taking a leap of faith and trusting
God to be able to use me even in my new disease and new struggles.
Fear always tells you, you will fail. It can make you give up and it
can numb you. Fear is also a good thing as it will lead you to make
wiser decisions like looking both ways before you cross a street. It
can be hard to determine what to do or how to approach a fear, but
thankfully we do not have to face fear alone. I often forget that.
Convicted
of dragging my cousin on rides that caused her fear, I began to look
at skydiving differently. Maybe I should try it to face my
fears, and to deepen my compassion for others facing different fears.
But did I really need to do it? I didn’t really want too. After
all, God gave us a mind to reason, and my mind was saying its a foolish thing and totally unsafe...why do it? I had no experience with
skydiving. I didn’t want to just go with the crowd on this either,
so I began researching the sport of skydiving and praying about it.
Tandem Skydiving which is what we would be doing seemed safe enough
as you jumped with an experienced instructor. Still it was risky and
an unforgiving sport if things went wrong and besides how could I
trust someone I didn’t even know?
The
song lyrics kept tugging at my heart…..I expected others to face
their fears, I need to face one of mine! Have you ever been so
frustrated with someone who can’t conquer a fear only to find out
you have a huge fear of your own that you refuse to face? Skydiving
seemed like a stupid way of conquering a huge fear and I even looked
up videos of skydiving fails to convince me that it was indeed
stupid. However, I still felt that I needed to do it and as it was;
the day they were going, I was off work and their were no horse shows
or family plans on my calendar...it was like God knew I’d be
looking for excuses to not go.
So for
those reasons, I texted Jason and said I think I want to join you
next Saturday but I’m not sure yet. I find it fascinating that we
try to create a way of escape when we are trying to face our fears.
Yes, God, I will face this fear if you provide…...fill in the
blank. It’s like we need a certainty. I know I crave it. We want
to know what will happen if we do this? Will I live? Will it harm
me? Will I regret it? Is it stupid? Will God discipline me for
making a wrong choice? What will happen to my family? My horses? Am
I just going along with the crowd to be cool?
You
know, trusting Jesus, seems so simple, yet when we are on that narrow
path with Him we tend to wander off of it and overthink that we may
be able to take this other easier path and sorta “help” God out
since we are more mature and “smarter” than when we first began
our walk with Him. So we listen to our fears, instead of our Father.
We think with our mind, instead of our heart. We trust our
knowledge instead of God’s wisdom. We believe what we can see,
instead of believing what we cannot see.
The
Saturday before the jump, my cousins helped me sign up officially. I
was so scared and relieved at the same time! It’s done now. Time
to give it up to the Lord. I prayed a lot. The last few years have
been hard and I had told God I didn’t mind going to Heaven
early…..but not this way I told Him. I want to live longer. There
are things I still need to do for you, relationships that I need to
grow in, my sister needs her riding buddy and my horses need a
patient, loving trainer...not yet God. It was the first time for
awhile that I had prayed to live longer and say that I enjoyed
living! Weird how fears can point out the important things to you in
life. But how was I to cram everything that I thought I needed to do
for God and others in one week? It was just impossible! I told God,
I can’t do it! I wondered if He would be mad at me for skydiving
instead of doing something more serving and spiritual. Then through
scripture and gentle direction, God reminded me that He already loves
me! His perfect love has trampled my imperfections and there is
nothing I can do to wreck that endless love! God was not here to
judge me but to save me! It would not be my accomplishments for Him
that would build me a mansion in Heaven, but my God’s forgiveness
and overwhelming love for me. The week passed and I was rather
peaceful all the while knowing it could be my last week here on
earth. It didn’t help when others tried to talk me out of it as
what they said made perfect since….skydiving was a crazy thing to
do!
Do
others talk you out of crazy things to do for the Lord? Do they
cause you shame and uncertainty? Do they cause you to rethink what
God is calling you to do? Do not let them slow you down in serving
your Father!
Friday
night, the night before the jump, I was actually pretty excited and
nervous. I was awakened at night several times at the thought of
what I was going to be doing the next day. It was early in the
morning and I was restless...I needed to spend some time with God.
I read a short daily devotional about God’s chosen people of
Israel. I think God was trying to remind me that I was one of His
chosen daughters….that He loved me so and that I would always be
His. This calmed me and I rested easily. My heart was full of His
love for me and it made me confident in knowing whatever the outcome
of the day, I was God’s. My fear was overtaken by His love and my
prayers for peace and comfort were fully answered.
We all
met at my cousins house and carpooled together. Everyone had excited
nervous emotions as this would be the first time for all of us to be
jumping out of an airplane! Upon arriving at the skydiving center,
we first prayed together and asked God for safety. Then we all
headed to the check in and basically signed our lives away as they
warned you that skydiving is indeed dangerous and you could die. The
next step was watching a short video of what we needed to know before
we went skydiving. You needed to be able to do certain body
positions to help control yourself in the air. A slight sinking
feeling in my stomach arose but I shook it off. Next we split our
group of 15 into 4 smaller groups. I signed myself up for the first
group which was with my 3 other girl cousins, Diana, Abby and
Rebecca. We then took our valuables to the car and by the time I got
back it was already my turn to get geared up! Talk about no time to
be nervous! I met my video/photographer and then my tandem
instructor, the guy I would be harnessed too and hopefully the guy
who would bring me safely down. They both seemed pretty nice and
between my cousins and their excitement, I was ready to go jump off
an airplane! It was pretty amazing, I really wasn’t scared at all.
My instructor had been doing this for 30 plus years which amazed me.
I remember him asking me if I talked more if I was nervous, I told
him yea I think so. However, my cousins and brother agreed I talk
more when I’m excited too and I was certainly both!
I guess
the plane ride was about 15 minutes...It didn’t seem that long. I
hadn’t been in a plane for a long time and it seemed odd to think
that I would be jumping out of this one. I remember a little
turbulence got my stomach feeling funny but as we got higher the
plane got smoother. The plane ride is a bit awkward as you basically
sit inbetween the legs of your instructor with no back rests as the
plane went up to keep from leaning back on a guy I didn’t know nor
want to squish as he would be the one responsible for getting us down
safely, I gripped a tiny spot on the window to keep from sliding
backwards or forwards. My instructor noticed and asked if I was
making claw lines with my white knuckles on the plane. I kinda
laughed and said no, I’m doing fine! We let another diver out at a
lower level and as I watched him leave the plane I thought, that
could be the last time we see that guy alive! I watched as my
altimeter went higher and higher soon my instructor and I were
running through the jump instructions again. He told me we would
jump at 13,500 feet. I remember talking and joking with the girls
and instructors and camera guy and then all the sudden I’m getting
attached to my instructor in preparation to jump. I told him to get
me nice and tight and that he needed to pull our parachute (they give
you an option to try to get it first), I decided I was just going for
the ride and didn’t need to possibly pull my parachute and do it
wrong breaking it and have to rely on the backup parachute! Rebecca
went first. Abby screamed and cheered for everyone going out the
window. Her instructor thought that was great! My turn next. I
just focused on the position I needed to be in and then we jumped and
I felt us fall. We fell at 120mph! Loads of wind made it hard for me
to focus on breathing let alone trying to make the cool sign and
other funny, cool faces. I was able to grab my camera guys hand (he
jumped at the same time as us to capture a video and take pics of the
free fall). It was kinda amazing how they could control their fall!
The last part of the free fall, I waved good-bye to my camera guy and
I felt us screech to a slow down as the parachute came out! Thank
you, God! And that’s when I really started to enjoy the sights and
could catch my breath and just enjoy the beauty from above looking
down. My instructor let me help him drive our canopy and we even did
2 red spins which are the tightest, fastest circles you can do in a
tandem skydive so that made me feel less wimpy! As we coasted
smoothly into the landing I screamed at my cousins saying, “Hi
guys! This is amazing!” We were told in class to lift our legs and
kinda slide to the ground on our butts, but my instructor at the last
few seconds said you can keep your legs out. It was a soft landing,
but my feet didn’t know what to do when they hit the ground after
all that dangling air time and actually my RA was kinda bothering me
in my feet so my landing was pretty sloppy as I went to me knees. I
asked my instructor what I did wrong and he said, “Are you hurt?”
I said, nope! And he replied, “Then you did it right!” Once
safely to the ground I just became super grateful and hugged my
camera guy and instructor! It really was a cool experience and I
certainly thanked God for the safety and amazing experience! Guess
what? I enjoyed it! I really did and I enjoyed the lessons that God
had taught me through skydiving and facing your fears. I heard
someone say that God puts the best things behind the door of fear. I
was afraid of this door, but yet it was an amazing experience to get
a chance to fully rely on my God. To take a leap of faith (quite
literally) and know that whatever happens God is going to catch you!
I could have died and that would have been another door of fear to
walk through, but I knew that if I had to open that door of death
that something better was awaiting me on the inside. I would be in
the arms of Jesus.
Spiritual
insights I learned through skydiving: 1) Don’t be afraid to take a
leap of faith even if others say it’s crazy! (I am NOT saying you
need to experience skydiving!) I am saying that God calls us to do
crazy things and sometimes we don’t do them just because we are
afraid of what others will say or we are afraid of what may happen to
us. What is God calling you to do for Him today? Small or big, take
the leap for Him!
2) I
fell out of the plane at 120 mph. That’s crazy fast! How fast are
you at following after God? Are you quick to hear His voice? Spend
time with Him in prayer and reading scripture? Who or what are you
falling for today? Is it something other than Jesus? We need to
fall in love with Jesus. Once you chase after and feel that love
from God your spirit will be uplifted even stronger than 120mph
winds!
3) God
does provide parachutes for us at times in our life. He lifts us up
out of danger and glides us safely to where He wants us to be.
Sometimes our parachute won’t open and He will let us fall, but He
is with us even in our fall. I was hooked onto an instructor and he
fell with me. I remember telling him to make sure that I was tightly connected to him (I didnt want myself getting loose at these heights and I knew he was my only chance of survival) and he replied that I wouldn't be getting away from him! I picture times in my life where I feel like I’m
falling alone and out of control or that God doesn't have me close or tight enough to Him and I may lose Him and I know if I lose my God, I will be forever lost. Yet just as I was securely strapped to my instructor, God had me securely strapped in His hands. God reminded me of this: He is with me in safety and in danger...even peril. He’s
attached to my heart and I’m attached to His heart.
My comfort and help was not in the safety harness, but my Instructor, my God. So when my tandem instructor replied, "You won't be getting away from me!" I have to smile and think that was exactly what God was saying to me right then! My dear Sandy you won't be getting away from me! Such amazing love God has for each of us!!
God, help me to always desire to be attached to you for you are the only one who can save me. Keep me close to you! Amen.
My comfort and help was not in the safety harness, but my Instructor, my God. So when my tandem instructor replied, "You won't be getting away from me!" I have to smile and think that was exactly what God was saying to me right then! My dear Sandy you won't be getting away from me! Such amazing love God has for each of us!!
God, help me to always desire to be attached to you for you are the only one who can save me. Keep me close to you! Amen.