How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? -Psalm 13:1
Like David, I question the Lord. I plead. I cry. I wait....but how long must I wait? I believe that is also another question David asks (Psalm 6:3). What is one to do while they await a painful wait?
2017 is started off with 2016 trials that still aren't over. I find myself taking another round of big drugs to ease my RA symptoms, and my horse is still no better. My horse has had this trouble for almost a year with the exception of 5 months. I had hope that God would fix her for Christmas....nothing. I had hope that He would fix her this week trying the same method that fixed her for 5 months before.....nothing. I can't keep spending money like this on both of us! I feel like David hard pressed on every side and wonder "Hey, did you forget me, God?"
At work they have 2 sick horses one is getting better and the other is still pretty sick. She came to me to just stand close (to be with someone who cared while she hurt). That is EXACTLY what Kitty does when she doesn't feel good. I gave her some hugs and attention. Suddenly I wondered how Kitty was doing....Then I got home and saw Kitty doing her uncomfortable head tossing again!
Like the horse at work I needed someone to care for me right then, but all I could do was cry out to God. Why? You are the only ONE who can heal my horse why aren't you doing that? Why don't you care? Why are you hiding from me? What am I suppose to be learning? Is this really in your plan of goodness towards me? Speak to me! Give me wisdom! Do Something!
I understand that I am helpless and hopeless without God. Some say that is why God gave us the Bible so we knew that others faced these struggles and questions and that God does indeed love us even if we are nothing and even if we question His ways and timing.
Though I'm deeply hurt and confused right now, I realize I must keep waiting because God's timing is CLEARLY NOT mine! Good things come to those who wait so they say....Isaiah 40:31..they that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength, etc.
What am I suppose to be doing in the meantime? What am I putting my hope into? Do I still have hope?
You can flat out begin to think is this why you created me to hide from me during my troubles? To always discipline me? To realize that I know that You, God, are the only one I can run to and yet I do not see you? Where else can I go? There is no where else. God you are it. You are my Hope. I have nothing else, but You. Come quickly to my aid. (Psalm 31:2)
God, like these horses, I'm coming to You for help, security, love, and wisdom. Let me feel your love and presence like the horses felt my love and presence today. I can only go on if you're with me.
How to spell HOPE
Holding onto God
Offer lots of love
Pray always
Eject all the lies
