I've had many thoughts about things and it comes down to this: do I fight or do I flight when trouble comes calling?
When horses are in danger they will do one of 2 things: fight or flight (run because they know they are fast). Lots of times horses choose flight. It's much easier than standing your ground or risk getting hurt and they feel like they are doing something that will save them from the danger.
Here's one example I'll share with you: My dear horse (my best friend) is having lots of problems with head tossing and acting hurt/abnormal. We found a good chiropractor who thought she may have landed hard on her back and hit her head because a few of her ribs seemed bruised and her neck was tight and she had many sore areas. She said that she had a horse who died doing that! Getting a lump in my throat (because I didn't want to cry there, but I did later) I immediately thanked God for sparing her and thought this must be the right decision that I made to bring my horse to her.....but Kitty is worse. Now, the chiropractor says it will take a few adjustments so I'm holding onto some hope, but it's hard. I went from high to low and have just kinda felt low ever since....stuff piles on top of stuff....Not knowing what's exactly wrong or what will work is a hard combination....yet I feet blessed that God spared my horse......
.....Yesterday, Kitty was really bad and couldn't stop doing her tossing/uncomfortableness. It's been really hard to escape the world and be refreshed (riding is my stability/refocus with God time) when your horse is in pain. I've tried many things to help her and she was perfect for 5 months! I felt so sure that God was going to heal her!!! But now it's hard to even look at her... I was trying to almost ignore her so I wouldn't see the problem. I was fleeing, giving up, done. Yet Kitty is still fighting. I feel ashamed of myself. My horse is not blaming me though I've blamed myself over and over. So I'm fighting for her! We will have to change our hard workouts to very light easy workouts with little to no riding to keep her happy, but I can't just walk away from her anymore than I can walk away from God. Just as Kitty needs me to be there for her, I need God to be there for me and walking away from Him or questioning His ways won't save me from difficulties, but with His grace will help me through them.
Sometimes I think that being a good Christian soldier means that the fighting will be glamorous and noble instead of ugly and painful. Fighting is not a joyful, heroic thing, sometimes it's just a long process of standing your ground and grasping to hang onto the Hope that God knows, cares and loves you and He is in control.
God, Help me stand my ground when I want to run away. Increase my faith. Take away my doubts and emptiness so that I can be filled with good things from you. Amen.
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. 1. Corinthians 16:13
Mark 11:23 - For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.
