This may not be a very good read....Several times I've tried to blog something, but come up empty...or maybe too full....too overwhelmed by the step Jesus is trying to teach me. Some steps come easier than others. This years step is tough....it seems higher than all the rest.
It's been a year where God is teaching me to trust Him. I must not be learning very well as the step is painful....but God has been gentle too. It was hard for me to tell God that He could have my horse because I knew she wasn't mine anyways....but God healed her. She has been great for almost 3 months now! I am so thankful that He is letting me take care of her longer!
I've had poor health this year too....viruses and RA flares, body pains, etc...it's kinda opened my eyes to how fragile my life is...most of the time I'm being held together by medical drugs....this isn't a blog about feeling sorry for me....it's just thoughts of late.
One Thought: Being a Christian is not easy! A REAL Christian. Trusting Jesus is always easier when things are going good! But "Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly!" Taken out of Life's Lessons from a Horse Whisperer by Dr. Lew Sterrett. It's not that I don't want to be an excellent worker of Jesus Christ....It's like horsemen Sterrett says, "The only way to do something with excellence is to start out doing things poorly, and then learn from your mistakes." It's tough! I wish I could just have a whole bunch of trust in Jesus without having to go through tough times and mistakes, but would I learn anything if everything always fell nicely into place? Would I really trust Jesus with my life if I never had to lean on Him?
He also mentions in this book that what we need and what we want are two different things. I really really want to be able to go places all over the United States with my horses...I have a saying, "I want to enjoy God's creation on His creation (my horse)"! As I'm struggling with my body week after week and having one truck problem after another....I start to lose my trust in Jesus....saying things like, but God it's only 2 weeks out of the entire year! If I'm this bad at this young, I'll never be able to go anywhere soon! Why can't you let me have fun? Look at what I've had to go through! Can't you give me a tiny break? Others get to have fun....
Now, I have a twisted mind and also one that can think a little too deep for ones good, but I do know one thing: Proverbs 16:9 says, In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
I know this because I make plans and they sometimes go completely haywire! I can attest to this verse and submit that yes, The Lord has determined my steps. It's NOT what I wanted. But I needed it. It's like that first let down you get when your parents tell you you can't do something that you really want to do because they know it will only hurt you....
Ah...but if you read Proverbs 16:3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
I'm not sure exactly what this verse means so I'd love your thoughts....but Proverbs is the book of wisdom and lately I could use some! So I'm committing this horse vacation (for one example) that I want to do to Jesus.....I'm not sure what all needs to be committed...I feel that I planned alot without Him, but I thought He was okay with our decision to go to South Dakota.....He's even worked out a few details for us, but will our plans succeed? What does that mean? Succeed could mean lots of things like no one dies=success...that's just obvious right? ;) What if we make it all the way over there and one of us gets sick a horse gets lame? Is our success only in getting there?
So let's now not overthink this verse....let's just go back to what the verse says Commit to the Lord...Commit means to Devote, Apply, Pledge...loads of good definitions....I need to first devote whatever I do to God....because the Lord determines our steps. Ugh..why do I feel that there are people who don't commit anything to God and still have success! And people who commit everything to God and seem to have no success!
I'm learning that sometimes our reward or success isn't in this lifetime, it's in the next one! I'm talking about when we have died and gone to Heaven to be with Jesus! Maybe my trip through life won't be a success in this lifetime, maybe I won't get what I want....maybe all I will get is what I need to be successful in gaining my ultimate want and desire to be with Jesus forever....to hug Jesus!
I mentioned earlier in a blog that the hugging lines to Jesus in Heaven must be long and they might be....but Jesus gave me a little insight for that today....Human hugs don't last....you get a hug and it lasts for a few seconds if that and the warmth of that hug and love is gone quickly as you need another and another.....but when Jesus gives you a hug....it will last FOREVER!!! The warmth will always be there and the love will never leave you! Even after Jesus's hug is physically over, you will feel it forever! So really, He never stops hugging you! Chills. Jesus's Love is Lasting! Wow! I want that Hug!
