If we love Jesus the most, the world will never destroy us!

There's a popular series of movies (made after books) recently finished this year and although it's been a thing for about 4 years I started getting into them this time last year......Honestly, the Hunger Games series was the last movie I wanted to watch...I mean who wants to see kids killing kids?  And dark, disturbing stuff like that?  My brother tried to convince me to watch it but it took my mother joining in that actually persuaded me.   It's a gripping series.....  Especially for me and what I was going through, what the world is going through---there are some startling truths!   

You'll have to watch it to see what you think but here are a few quick points for the first movie, Hunger Games.  

1. Set up with 13 districts, each one providing and specializing in something for the Capitol.  The Capitol area rich the districts poor...I feel in ways that our country/world is falling into this category as we all want to spread the wealth (it sounds good right? Everyone gets taken care of) when really you have extremes either rich or poor because your government sets what is fair and what's not. 

2.  The Capitol people were attracted to what was in style, always interested in what could be better, the next cool thing!  Peeta even brought out that the showers made him smell like roses!  We are soo that way today...just look at commercials.....we are told that their is always something better out there so if you aren't content don't worry we have the next best thing...We begin to be less and less thankful and more and more greedy.

3.  The Capitol people loved violence.  Have you seen what's on tv today?  Nothing but violence and evil compares to what was on just 50 years ago.  Really I'm ashamed of our society and how downhill it is going....yes there are good people just like the good people in this series.....but the capitol kids would watch the district kids fight each other to the death and think it was funny and entertaining to where they were numb to the whole horrible scenes!  Just like when I watched the last part of mockingjay parents brought their kids to see this violence and promoted it?....I just feel that's very wrong.   We need to promote whatever is pure, just, lovely, of good report (Phil. 4:8)

4.  In order to get sponsors to help support them in the fights "games" the district kids would have to put on a show for the crowd and please the crowd.  How often do we please the crowd if it means saving our own skins?  How often do we just join in because it's the easiest thing to do!  I was reminded again of scripture..."You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved."  Matt. 10:22.  

5.  Peeta says to Katniss "I just don't want them to change me...turn me into something I'm not....If I'm gonna die I wanna be me."  I don't want the pressures of the world to change me either.  I don't want to turn into just another sinner falling into Satan's desires and basking in worldly pleasures for a season.....If I'm gonna die and I will some day.  I want to die being the person that God created me to be!  I don't want the world to destroy what God created me to be. 

You can learn alot just by each character in the movie and some of the lines are just gripping like; "It's the things we love most that destroy us."  What our world loves most is destroying us....it is!!!  We love ourselves.  We love sex.  We love entertainment.  We love violence.   What do you love most?  Now, I have an exception to that saying...I say "If we love Jesus the most, the world will never destroy us!" If God is for us, who can be against us?! Rom. 8:31

"I never hear God talk to me...."

Sometimes little kids ask big questions.....I am in my second year of being a Sunday school teacher worthy or not and have found kindergarten and first graders to be interesting little human beings.  I've heard many questions, but I heard one that recently stopped me.  I was talking to the kids about how God always answers our prayers when one of them disappointingly said, "God doesn't ever listen to my prayers....I never hear Him talk to me."  I was struck with silence for a moment while the other teacher explained that God doesn't talk out loud to us, He talks to our hearts......He lives inside of us as she continued....The little kid didn't seem happy with that answer so I fumbled out that sometimes we don't listen very well and we miss what God is trying to tell us....I gave the example that if you see an older person in church having a hard time getting through the door and a voice inside of you says, "Why don't you open the door for them?"  I explained that that can be a way God talks to us.

How I feel for that kid!!!!!  I have totally been there!!!  Don't you wish God could have an everyday normal out loud person to person conversation with you sometimes????  To actually sit with Him like his disciples did and ask away!  To be able to touch Him....to look Him in the eyes....to see how much He loves you....to just be near him in silence...to sit and just listen to Him as Mary did at His feet.....to be able to come to Him and let Him hold you when you are hurt....to be able to hear His voice!!!!!  Wow! I get goosebumps just thinking about how wonderful that would be!!!  

The fact that God doesn't talk to us in person can be frustrating....Our world wants answers now....I want answers now!!!  Isn't easy to not talk to someone if you can't hear or see them?  Isn't easier if God would have just created robots....He tells us what to do each day and we do it?!

I realize I don't have any answers to these questions....I can only compare to what God had taught me in the Bible.  He says "Blessed are they that believe, but don't see."  He says that to Thomas after Thomas doubted that Jesus was really risen from the dead.

Jesus wants us to believe in Him without force, yes even without seeing him in person.  Many people train horses with force and the horse will obey them out of fear.  The horse doesn't love them and they don't really love the horse....they are just interested in gaining a fast result.  Other people train horses out of love for the sake of creating a strong bond which leads to overwhelming trust and love of each other and in time creates something so beautiful, so unique, and so inspiring that they can do amazing things....yes even without force or voice!!!  Sure, we can't directly talk to God face to face, but we can talk to Him--just like we can't directly talk to a horse, but yet we can communicate to them.

I think God wants us to be able to come to Him out of pure desire.  Pure need.  Pure love.  Just as a good horse trainer will not force the horse into loving him...it just happens as their relationship grows.  God doesn't want to force us to Him, He wants us to long to be with Him and to know Him to be able to be still and quiet and know that He is in the same room you sit in tonight.  Go ahead talk to him.  He's listening.  The trick is....are you?  Are you listening to Him or are you caught up in distractions?  I get easily distracted.

My goal is that the next prayer I make will be more sincere as I know that God is with me where ever I pray and that He will answer me...I just have to wait and listen.   How does God talk to you?  I'd love to hear it!  Thanks to the little kid who made me think deeper...I understand better why God wants the little children to come to Him....I pray that Jesus talks to this kid...He's already used this kid to talk to me....I'm trying Jesus...Keep speaking to me and open my ears!

My second Shawnee trip and the reason it was so crazy.....(short story version)

Excited for my second adventure at Shawnee National Forest in southern Illinois, I began to plan the trip in my head of how I thought it would all turn out.  After all, I had been there before and had the time of my life and the horses came out super well and 100%!  The people there are soooo nice.  It just feels like a second home! I just planned for sure success!!!  It was my dream vacation and everything was going to turn out GREAT!!!  I had even started planning for next years vacation like where do I want to go?  Mountains of Tennessee?  Badlands of South Dakota?  It seemed limitless.  Oh and did I mention my favorite sister, Monica, would be coming along with me on the trip?  I wanted everything to go perfect!  To say my expectations were high is exactly correct. 

Day 1—Traveling 6 hours went smooth and we arrived about 3:00 p.m.at the campground in just enough time to set up camp and take a 3 hour ride to Indian Kitchen!  It was a good thing we did as a hiker needed our map because she was lost (very easy to be lost there and I was wondering why she hadn’t a map!)  Anyways, Indian Kitchen was super cool and so my vacation was started off to a great start!  Did I mention we had Tennessee neighbor’s?  I love their southern draws!!!  They were very friendly and we became friends easily. 

Day 2-Today was the day we would be riding to Jackson Hole, Peter’s Cave, Crow Knob, and Sand Cave just to list the major stops.  All very impressive and I marvel at God’s handiwork.  God even provided some ladies (one from Canada and both of whom I led down to Jackson Hole since Rebecca, Ted, and I discovered it our previous trip in the spring) to take a picture of both me and Monica together at Jackson Hole.  We did the same for them!  J   Yes. Things were still going great at this time!  The horses at this time of year have about half their winter coats and it was a hot 82 and dry…almost drought like conditions as most small creeks were bone dry.  We came to a creek crossing called Blue Hole (mostly because the water is a green blue…I thought)  Kitty was very eager to begin our ride that morning and was leaving slow Colty in the dust, but yet she still wanted to play in the water as she loves water and is not afraid to get in deep.  The water at the crossing was so little that we had to go find some which judging by all of the other hoofprints was what everyone else did too.  Kitty began to play and shove her nose in the water and as I was laughing she was walking forward and the next thing I knew we had taken a head dive into the water as Monica sat watching us both disappear into the sudden drop off of a hole….yes, blue hole is a hole!  I found out later that others at camp had almost met that same fate and the locals say that there is a ledge and then a sheer drop off!  (haha! No kidding I found it…thanks locals for telling me now!)  As I felt Kitty fall deeper into the water I could certainly tell that we were going swimming as I quickly got rid of my stirrups and swam to the top (all without touching bottom..mostly I just didn’t want to try to touch…I don’t like water and am half scared of it and we are talking 3 poisonous snakes in this area all of which can swim)  To say I looked like a wet miserable kitten is an understatement, but I was worried about Kitty who had disappeared with me….can she swim?  Can she get up the ledge?  Can she make it across to the other side and climb up? Is that the pathway to hell?  (Yes our sermon for that Sunday while we were driving was about some rock and hole in Biblical days that the locals who found it ran out of rope so they assumed the hole went forever and into the underworld or hell!)  As I’m reaching for the ledge I noticed that Kitty was swimming to the other side.  Shaking from fear of losing my horse, I crossed the creek and raced to the other side of the hole with sloshing water boots and trembling body.  She was just standing there on the other side wondering what in the world just happened and thinking probably that she will never go swimming ever again (all she wanted was a drink)!!!  ßI can’t blame her in the least!  Sometime in the drop she lost a hoof boot….but hoof boots are replaceable and so are cell phones…mine was in my pocket at the time of our swim….Thankfully my camera was waterproof and I praised God aloud for letting Kitty be OK.  I helped Kitty find a path she could walk across to the other side to be with Colty.   Needless to say she DID NOT trust creek crossings and Colty had to go first for the next 2 days while Kitty normally crosses without blinking an eye she was glad for the collapsible water bucket we carried along so she could stay out of the creek, but get drinks too.  My poor, dear Kitty, I felt so bad for her and tears finally came rushing out as once back on dry land she had a scratch on her back leg and another cut on her knee.  My perfect vacation was turning into disaster.  We were far enough out, so I decided to go on and see what we wanted to see for the day as Kitty seemed sound and calm.  My wet clothes dried in the warm sun just in time to be rained on by a brief thundershower….yes we had raincoats, but somehow I just wasn’t in the mood…..

Our stops were lovely and we once again rescued a horse in distress at the Sand Cave tie up….The horse is fine thanks to us, but my horse thanks to me, wasn’t.  I can only take so much and I thought surely this was the last of our excitement.  We made it back to camp in time for our Tennessee friends, who were worried about us, since we rode a lot that day.  They had some roast beef casserole left over and wanted to share some with us.  She said if we didn’t eat it, she would just give the leftovers to her Saint Bernard.  We obliged her and don’t worry dog lovers, there was a bit left for the Bernard too!  ;)  Incidentally, I was unfortunately known to some of the locals as the person who went swimming with their horse at Blue Hole….

Day3-This was a relief day as nothing horrible happened and we again made it to our destinations with the main headings being Petticoat Junction and Hayes Tie up.  It was a lovely trip and very scenic and I enjoyed the ride a lot…mostly because I wasn’t wet and I was looking out for my horse.  I was glad I brought lots of horse medications with me, but I wasn’t happy to use them nor could I sleep well at night as I kept reliving the incident and gaining anger at myself (maybe I could have done more….or I should have never let her play in that water) and sorrow for my little mare with the big heart.

Day 4-Today started way too early as we were up at 4am to feed horses and up at 6am to start saddling as we wanted to be able to make it to One Horse Gap which was 15 miles one way. (15 miles is not much for a horse, but with all these rocks and rough terrain you can not go fast and the rough terrain takes it out of them and us!!.  (We walked some of the time to give them a break and our legs a stretch)   Happy that our hoof boots were working well and staying on (well I was down to only 3, so I just used front boots) we heading off before the sun came up.   I’m not gonna lie, I was SUPER EXCITED to do this ride!!!!  One older cowboy stopped us and wished he had the grit to do it with us!  We made it to Owl Bluff with no problems, but soon had a few hiccups as trails aren’t marked so well.  Even if you go just 10 minutes out of the way you can’t run back, you must walk most of the way because of the big boulders and trippy rocks. We ended up coming out to a road with no Gap signs so we stopped at a house to ask the local if he knew where One Horse Gap was.  We were probably there 15 minutes and he did his best to help us but he hadn’t ridden the trails for 2 years.  We must have missed our turn (yes we found out later we did) because it was supposed to be only 4 miles from where we were at, but this path kept going and going and going and this was a horrible rocky path!!  I could tell Monica was getting frustrated…I was too, but what good would it do us if we were both angry.  We were really great for each other because when I got riled up Monica was calm and could calm me down and I did the same for her.  (We really did have fun!  It’s just when you are that far out of camp, you want things to go smooth so your horses don’t have to do certain rocky paths AGAIN!!!)  So we agreed if we didn’t come to it at 2pm we would turn around.  We barely made it, but we did one of the craziest rocky trails I’ve ever been on! It was really neat, but not sure I’d make my horse do that again now that we know the “easier” way to get there!!  I started off riding Kitty, but then got off to lessen her weight since the rocks were more like mini boulders.  Then we saw it…One Horse Gap!!!  We didn’t have much time so quick pictures were taken and videos and then off we had to go since we took a 2 hour detour getting there and it gets dark faster in the fall!  The way back to the road was only about a half hour of riding!  (Yup we really went out of our way on the 2 hour adventure!)  Still arriving back at camp in the dark, I felt very victorious!!!  I was also extremely full of pride for my little buckskin as she pressed on at a pace too quick for “tired of rocks Colty” to keep up with and I felt so good that she felt good even after her swim and bruises.  Yes.  Things were looking better! 
 Day 5-It was our last full day of riding here and we wanted to do Saltpeter Cave, Secret Canyon, and Natural Bridge (a rock that looks like a bridge).  We had been riding our horses with just a halter and lead rope as there are many places to stop and see so I felt it easier than taking on and off bridles all the time.  People were very impressed with how well our horses behaved! It worked great…until today.  We were only a couple miles from camp where Kitty became very itchy (She reacts to ticks like that) and I thought it was cute because she is so flexible she can reach her ears with her back legs.  Well, flexible horses are a yikes!!  I was letting her reach a side itch with her mouth when she adjusted it to her ears by lifting her back foot to her ear.  I could see disaster but there was nothing I could do but jump off and try to calm her and free her back leg from the rope burning against her skin.  Thankfully she did not totally freak out..she just panicked (there is a difference if you are a horse person) Our first attempt to free her (Monica had jumped off to help me so thankful to her for that) was in vain as everything was so tight.  Our second attempt was successful and Kitty was very thankful and once again I became mad at myself.  Here my Kitty girl was doing her best at rock climbing and keeping me safe, and then there was me who kept messing up and getting her hurt!  I yelled aloud on the trail of things I knew I would take back later, but in my head I was really screaming at God asking why did he make me so feeble and unwise and sooo mistake oriented?  And why did He have to take out my mistakes on Kitty?  I was the one at fault again!  Why did my horse have to suffer again?  She already suffered a rope burn on her opposite back leg years ago when she scratched her ear with her back leg while on the picket line….it’s such a long, long healing process. Please pray for Kitty.  It was not her fault.  It was all mine and that made me sleep even worse at night as I had a total of 2 accidents because of me. 

Today, I sit and type this and wonder those same questions and then I wonder if I really do have any worth at all!  I don’t want to hurt my horse.  It grieves me.  Could it be I made a career mistake?  I’ll have to settle for this answer now as I’m still in my grieving and angry mode at myself.  God used Kitty.  He loves Kitty, but He loves me so much more that He had Kitty take the brunt of everything for me….when we fell into Blue hole….I was unharmed.  When Kitty got herself caught in my reins, I never got hurt.  Kitty was there being used by God to protect me from my stupid ways and to show me that Kitty had the strength to endure the mistakes….I didn’t.  I wish I had the strength to endure my mistakes though, because Kitty had to endure mine.  Just like God.  God sent Jesus, who had made no mistakes because we sinners made so many mistakes.  Jesus endures for us.  Jesus has the strength to help us endure our mistakes, we never will.  Hoping that Jesus will give me the strength to overcome my many mistakes and that He will give Kitty a speedy recovery as her heart is as golden as her color.  I know that if God can use Kitty to show me these lessens, He can heal her too, and maybe He’ll reserve a spot for her in my mansion or those greener pastures so that she too can be rid of her rider’s mistakes.

I am weak, but He is strong!

Emotions....I can go from smooth sailing to train wreck in a matter of 3 seconds!  While I consider that a skill, my family does not so I must work on this.  Emotions are a great thing and can really be used for lots of good.  A simple hug can go a long ways to comfort someone who's hurting.....however on the versus side an angry word or words can really pierce the heart.  I know my life isn't easy and there's decisions that I have to make in life that I'd rather not have to make, but is that your fault?  Absolutely not.  Why am I yelling at you then?  I usually find myself taking out life's hurts on the people I love the most....generally my family.  I'm usually just looking for support or encouragement or someone to tell me you'll be fine...I've got your back!  God's got you covered....He still has a plan for you.

That doesn't always work though as no one can really put their feet into your shoes or comfort your heart in what it needs at that moment.  Absolutely no human can do that....not even a best friend or a spouse!  But...God can!  

Unfortunately, I've had my doubts about that too....Do you ever blame God for stuff?  Or say if only you could do this or change this in my life I could do so much better at living for you!  If only you could give me some important job to do that will make me feel like I'm important and I matter to you. If I could just be as important as....so n so look how you've used them and look at all those people who love that person because of what they do for you.  Do you catch yourself doing that?

STOP IT!!!!  That's Satan beating you down.  He likes to do this to us to make us feel worthless, useless, unloved and hopeless.  And when he has got you feeling this way, you are not a threat to him anymore......

I'm confessing to you that I'm an emotional Christian, I can go from an over abundance of love and joy to a wreckage of doubt and hopelessness....I just get super excited when I know God is working through me, but when he wants me to wait, doubts creep in and I wonder if He is still there.  I love to be used by God, but God sometimes just wants us to wait and be patient and work in lives that are already around us.

You can be used in a big way like that if you are only open to it!!!  I still remember an older lady coming up to me and telling me that she was praying for me and my generation as Christians because she said we have way more distractions than her youth did.  That experience has never left me although at the time I kinda just shoved it off as a big deal thing, but now I realize how amazing that moment was and how encouraging it is to know that our older generation is praying for us!  So looky there God can even use "old" people!  What I'm trying to say is that you can never be too old or too young or too skilled or too pathetic to be used by God.  He can use those little moments that we may not ever remember.....but He does and He knows that we were certainly the right believer for the job!
I'm truly sorry for my train wrecks and I hope to increase my faith by becoming more patient and spending more time with God as I've learned He's the only one who really knows me.  But I fail so prayers for that would be great!

Another challenge I'm giving myself is something I heard in a sermon while visiting a nearby church. The visiting minister told us he was talking to a man and he asked the man if he knew the 2 biggest problems in our world today?  The man replied that he doesn't know and he doesn't care!  The minister replied back to him that yes those are the 2 biggest problems in our world today.  We don't realize that Jesus will be coming back and killing all of us who do not believe!  We don't care about having a relationship with Jesus.....we don't care about others....

Dear reader, all I want to say is that I do know that I want to be in Heaven with Jesus.  I do know that He is coming soon!  I care about my relationship with Jesus!  I want to do all for the One who died for me.....

....I care about you and I want you to know that.   I want to see all my friends and family in Heaven and if you need encouragement or prayer, I want to be there for you....I want to pray for you....I want to love you....  All you need to do is ask.  We need each other and we need to care and I'm certain God can help us do that!

Drenched, but not Discouraged!

It's raining today...again..although I want to stop it I just can't.  Life has been a blur recently as it's been incredibly busy even with less things to do because of rain!  We had almost a full week of no rain and sun and were able to get 313 bales of hay in our barn which always makes me feel so much better and less stressed....still need another 100 or so so hoping for some cooperative weather.  Then there's a hyper, destructive dog I'm taking care of for a cousin....I normally Love dogs but this one sure knows how to try one's patience...still it's better than jury duty!  Still...try telling my chewed up dog kennel (yes she eats wire) and dog house that!  Still lots to be thankful for around here and many jobs getting done including cleaning out the barn!  I really do have loads to be thankful for!!!  And I do realize that it's not proper to use prepositions to end your sentences with! ;)

With all this rain pouring down, it reminds me of what life pours out on us.....some good, some bad or course, but how does one keep from becoming overwhelmed?  Sometimes I feel like I'm being washed away and I feel so drained.  So tired of being rained on day after day with trial after test that it can make me feel depressed...how can one light a fire with all the rain?!  ie. How can one shine the Light of Jesus when one is constantly getting rained on?  Even when it stops raining, I'm only dry for awhile until the next rain comes!  In other words, life is never going to quit raining down problems on me until I get to be with Jesus.

There are ways of building shelters from all this rain.....or we could say ways of becoming less overwhelmed:  1.  Prayer.  Cast all your cares upon Jesus for He cares for you!  2.  Read God's word and do it....Don't just look at it.  3.  Realize that you need God.  Don't try to do it yourself.

I read recently a little booklet on why does God allow us (refers to Christians) to suffer?  Honestly it never seemed fair to me that those who do their own thing succeed/have fun and those who follow Christ seem to struggle or just get by!  I was looking from my point of view too since I was really struggling with some things....Anyways, it mentions in the Bible that God gives struggles to those He Loves!  What?  Why?  Because He wants us to Grow!  How many times I've grown in the last year because of these struggles!!!  I could get more in depth here but if you are indeed struggling and looking for answers....I would suggest you look to Christ and do that list up above.  A father will discipline his children because he wants them to become good citizens and be successful.  This is true with our Heavenly Father as well.  He wants us to become His children and grow in Him.

hmmm...sometimes I wonder how many lessons I still gotta learn!

So whether you are dancing and singing praise to Jesus in the rain today or feeling like you've bought a one way ticket to suffering springs, I hope you can look up to the Son because He's coming soon and He wants YOU!!!  Yes even when you and I are drenched with problems and sinking in head high suffering.  Go to Jesus!!  (Again I'm talking to myself in these blogs)

I realize maybe I didn't answer that question of "How can one shine the Light of Jesus when one is constantly getting rained on?" very clearly.  Guess I'm still pondering that....even in the rain you can start a fire if you can get a piece of wood to catch...so my quick thoughts are keep being persistent with that fire until you get someone else to catch...doesn't matter if it's the 1,042nd person you try in one day that catches a little bit of that "Praise Jesus!"...keep trying to shine till you die and then..well then you'll be Heaven and you'll never stop hearing or saying "Praise Jesus!" :)

God is for us, not against us!

Arg!!  We have had over 8 inches in 8 days and things are getting tense...moods seem to go along with the weather and I've been trying to keep mine pleasant despite the ongoing rain!  However, this is tough when one is an outdoors adventurer who loves trail riding and horse showing but it's too muddy to go and everywhere is closed.....with that being said I guess it gives me some time to blog.

The thing I've been most recently reminded of is this, "Does God want me to have fun?"  And what does it mean to "Keep the Sabbath day holy?" 

For example, I was raised an Apostolic Christian and it's pretty bad if you miss a Sunday (I should know I'm a Sunday school teacher--there were questions to answer)...unless you are visiting another church.  (That's from my perspective though)  So when I miss an occasional Sunday doing something fun I automatically think that God will strike me down for not attending a church service!  As if he keeps a record of who goes to church and how many times and if they miss a certain amount of services...WHAM!  God will kill you or cause terrible things to happen to you!   This is exactly what Job's friends told Job:  That he had done something wrong in God's eyes and God was punishing him.  But by the end of Job God clearly stated that we humans don't know a thing when it comes to HIS whole plan or His expectations for us.  

Church can't save you.  Jesus's blood did that.  It's not that I am against church.  It is good to be with fellow believers. I just don't think it is wrong to miss church.  I do think it is wrong to toss your relationship with God out the window and then somehow expect him to be there again when you need him by going to church to get some brownie points.   I was actually pondering this question alot last Sunday as I could have skipped church but decided I probably shouldn't because I didn't want God to hit me down with a bolt of lightning!  So I was kinda upset because I felt that God hated me and didn't want me to have fun...so I began to get intimate with Him and ask Him what He thought about my situation.........let's speed past the frustrations of missing the fun event completely and it didn't even rain much (which was why I decided to go to church).......He answered me with a song on the radio and the only part I heard was "I (God) am for you not against you!"  Romans 8:31 

....so I kinda just smirked at it because I was still quite sure that if I had missed church I would have been dead or in pain somewhere.....God understands me though so He gave me another sign and it read "In life it's not where you go, but who you go with."  There is absolutely no place I can go in this life that God can't reach!!  Where ever I go, He's there!!  Whom shall I fear? What should I fear?  Nothing.  (Phil. 4-6-7) Because God is for me NOT against me!  

Yes..God does want you to have fun!  And do you know what?  You can still keep the Sabbath day holy!!! There are many times while camping, that I find myself closer to God than any other place I could go, or how about just going outside to sit in the breeze and inhale His flowers and just look up into the sky and worship Him. For me everyday needs to be Sunday because I just want to get closer and closer to Him!  Thankfully, no matter what I do or where I go, God is still for me!  :)  

Missy, My Mighty Mare!

     It's that time of year again where pollen and allergens flow....My poor Missy suffers from heaves (horse allergies/asthma).  We have found supplements to help her out alot, but this lingering cough is always the toughest to get rid of which can make working her difficult.  Oh but she loves working!!!  I've been taking it easy on her and she was very mad at me for doing that because I got her out to trim her hooves and she looked at me as if to say, "That's it?"  I give into my horses cute faces pretty easily so I up and got her saddled.  I told her I would be easy on her and work her in the yard....HA! Missy said no we are going on a ride and made her way undirected to the road!  So we went for a ride much to her delight or rather persuasion!  She was so happy!  Then yesterday, I took her to Jubilee to trail ride and she did awesome even her coughing was limited!  And boy did she want to RUN!!!!  It's always so much fun to ride a horse so full of life and have such JOY even inspite of her condition!!  She really inspires me to keep on going and living even though I have health problems too.  She teaches me that it shouldn't be an excuse to hold Joy back!  My dear Mighty Missy, I have you to thank for this lesson and I truly enjoy your JOY!!!  

Silly Sandy, Smart Horse

And now it's time for silly stories with Sandy!  The part of the blog where Sandy sits down and writes you a silly story.....;)  However, this story is true.  Just one of many...

I'm always surprised at my lack of coordination brought on by my lack of not thinking things all the way through or was it both?  You decide.  It all starts innocently enough.  The setup:  I was at a full house, rather full-horse show--meaning that there was a good number of riders, horses and spectators. I am most confident and comfortable in western gear, but I also find English riding fun too mostly because I have extremely talented horses.  We had this extremely hard pattern to do in the class...like professional type not small, fun show type....so I'm using that as my excuse for my lack of concentration.  Kitty and I were all warmed up and ready to go give it our best shot despite it's difficulty....Well at least Kitty was.  They were calling our class to head to the gate and my sister was heading that way....I grabbed my crop and lifted my reins to keep Kitty from eating that long yummy spring grass (notice both hands were busy).....I guess I was thinking I had a horn to lean and grab but instead grabbed air (because English saddles have no horn) and landed face first onto Kitty's neck.....it was a classic face plant and I was so embarrassed because I was just sure my neighbor's heard me grunt as my face hit Kitty's neck and they were probably thinking that was my first time mounting a horse......after all it looked pretty BAD!

Kitty took it quite well as she is use to my clumsiness, but I hadn't realized how much I had embarrassed her.  She wanted me to look good, bless her heart, so she decided to do the class amazingly, even doing a perfect 180 front end turn which we very rarely if ever practice!  She ended up making me look like a great rider and we came out with a second place!!

They say a good rider will take care of their horse and a good horse will take care of their rider....I really think this is such a true saying for Kitty and me.

Below are some pictures of my Kitty girl jumping bridle-less over some of my "fancy" jumps in the yard.  She LOVES jumping!!!  Alot!

Does God love us even though we make mistakes?

It's been awhile since I posted, but it is hard to condense thoughts lately....however, I'd like to share with you just a tidbit for now....Life has been piling up and I feel so useless in areas and I often wonder..."Why did this happen?"  "Does Jesus really love me?"  "Does He still have a plan for me even though I've made so many, many wrongs and mistakes?"  A thought suddenly came to me....Have I really spent intimate time with God and told Him everything that worries me or is on my mind?  I decided that I needed to tell Him all of my thoughts last night....so in the dark after I fed the horses I broke down and shared...EVERYTHING I could think of one of them being...."Do you still love me when I make mistakes or when I don't amount up to what you wanted of me?" See I know there are times that I fail God miserably.....  As a horse trainer, my horses sometimes fail me and do something totally wrong which can make me mad, sad, or just lose hope that they'll never get it!  Will they amount to anything besides stupid?  I'm sure you've felt that way about something/someone too.....

As I began to cry outside, I longed for Jesus to tell me that He still cared about me.  I began to preach to myself (I give myself spiritual peptalks...) and before I knew it God had given me the answer.  It's okay to not feel okay.  It's okay to realize that you need God!  And as the tears streamed down my face I realized Jesus was there with me and I think I even felt Him give my heart a hug.

What was the answer?

Jesus often talks to me in a language I understand.....horse.

The answer was this--Jesus reminded me of my deep love for my horses and how they disappoint me, hurt me, and do wrong things....yet do I still love them?  Yes. I love them.  Jesus made me realize that that is how He loves me too.  Yes, Sandy, you disappoint me, hurt me and do wrong things, but just as you haven't given up on your horses, I haven't given up on you!  I can still use you because I love you and I will always love you just like you'll always love your horses.  Your heart is mine and I know it is full of wanting to do what is right.....Yes you make mistakes, but I am here with you and I will never leave you.  I'm not going to be the one to do that.....I love you too much to leave you, Sandy.  You will have to do the leaving and tonight you've made me happy because you came to me broken and I can help fix you because your heart is ready to be filled with hope and love tonight.

I'm still full of tears as I write this......friends, Jesus knows our hearts....He understands our problems....He knows we make mistakes....He wants to be there for us anyways because He loves us. Just cry out to Jesus!

Horsenround4Jesus promo video~Our Story~

The above video needs a bit of explaining....mostly what is Horsenround4Jesus? I can honestly say I'm not even sure yet....but starting in 2010 I began to ask God if there was anything I could do for Him?  I wanted to do more....be used...but I wasn't sure what I had to offer....I had nothing (it seemed).  God began to ask me.....what about your horses, Sandy?....you have 2 beautiful horses and you could share them with others.  Ok.  First, I do not like sharing my favorite toys--ask my family for proof---I didn't even want my sister to ride my horse when I was younger!  ( I am lots better now at sharing.)  Second, I wasn't born into a horse family...I worked hard to make enough money for my own horse and bought one finally at around age 12.  I began to learn all I could about them, but I'm still no expert!  In fact the more I learn, the less I think I know anything about horses. Third, My horses weren't professionally bred, trained, or shown...nor were they glory seekers...in fact crowds still scare them....both horses were from unwanted backgrounds--on top of that one even has health issues.  Fourth, I told God I wasn't good enough either....at almost 19 I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis after not understanding why 5 pound feed buckets seemed like 500 pounds and why I was always so tired.  I told God He was picking on someone about to become crippled and dead and horses who had mean or wild attitudes! What possible thing could a few scraps like us do for an awesome, mighty God?  God didn't tell me I had to be the greatest Horsewomen ever and then He could use me....He tried to convince me He could use me "as is," but I wasn't content with "as is."  I was afraid.  I was afraid I would fail God and people would laugh and say or think things like...."Wow she's really bad and her horses are too!"

So I told God NO I'm not doing this!!!  Besides doing tricks and demos for free wouldn't be paying for feed bills......so I came up with another plan.... instead of the God Plan I went with the Sandy Plan.  A much better choice I thought.....so in 2011 I decided to buy a couple untouched horses and train them to resell later since people seemed to like my horses and it would get me $ and maybe even some fame and recognition in the Horse World.  After 2 months of hard work I had those crazy horses doing amazing things, but it all ended on a bad note.....the 2 year old I was riding spooked and went crazy and I decided to jump off landing on my back breaking my L1 to L4 (small parts of the lumber vertebra).  Unable to ride for almost a month and no training broncs for even longer I decided the best thing to do was not let the horses return to being untouched so I sold them both.  Regrets?  Yes and no.  But with the down time I had lots to think about and it was tougher than I thought it would be to get back into the saddle and ride with confidence.  My horses had to help me as I kept seeing the accident in my head.  My once over-confident self who could break anything suddenly became terribly non-confident, scared, and feeling defeated and useless.  I was at a very low, low point and it's at this point you either give up or dig in.  I knew I needed God to help me and I began to ask Him...."So what was that you wanted me to do again?"

Slowly I gained confidence and more horse experience and in 2012 (2 years after telling God no), God gave me my first opportunity to perform for His Ranch in Missouri--a place that offers horse rides and lessons for anyone especially disabled people.  I can't say enough about the experience!  The founders and staff were amazing and the audience was lovely and patient and my horses didn't act like they knew nothing!  For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was doing what God wanted me to do and I felt blessed and useful.  It's funny....all I would have had to do is trust Jesus and say Yes.  ....I would have given up on me if I was God, but God never did....He kept asking me to do this one thing and I kept telling Him I wasn't good enough...others can do this....not me....pick someone else...they have better horses, they don't live in a painful, weak body etc.  God could have picked someone else, but I am so thankful He turned me back to Him and used me...us!!! however untalented and weak we are!

In 2013, we got to perform two different times for some inner city kids (some of which never get to see a horse-let alone a trick horse)!!  Once some came out here and then my horses and I traveled to Bridlewood Stables to perform for even more kids.  We were a hit and for the first time I began to realize that this thing that God wanted of me wasn't to be overpoweringly successful or great, but quiet and subtle.  It's not like I had to absorb myself in becoming famous or talented overnight for God to use me, I just had to be open to what God wanted of me and let Him guide my path however far or slow He wanted us to go.

In 2014, I got a raise you could say.... God is sooo good!  Remember I said I do this stuff for free to these less fortunate kids/special organizations....well God opened the door for people who heard about what we do and they asked if I could do B-day parties and trick demos for which I would charge a small fee helping pay for a couple feed bills.  It wasn't alot, but it was enough for me to realize that God was trying to tell me that He's got this!  He's got plans for us and He can and will use me where and when He sees best!  All I have to do is keep following Him and trusting that He will help me even when we fail....He will be there!

I also have wonderful family and friend support, and I could not do it without all of your support and encouragement so a big thanks to all of you!  I've been able to perform with my horses for family and friends some coming from Japan and Germany!!!  Haha! Of course they came for other better and bigger reasons, but I'll entertain that thought for now!  ;)

I don't know what 2015 holds or anything beyond that.... God is not through with us yet and we will keep horsing around for Him until He tells us otherwise! So be inspired!!!! Keep doing what you are called to do no matter how small or crazy it sounds!  I've learned and am still learning that God can make something from nothing!!!  And those lows are only to readjust your focus and be able to say this is not about me...this is about you Jesus and I want you to help me do whatever it is that you want of me no matter how difficult and impossible it seems!

So this is "Our Story" in the shortest way I can describe it!  If I told you the whole story I would need to write a book as it is Amazing at how patient God was with me and how far my horses have come!
If you, or someone you know, is interested in watching us horse around for Jesus then email me at sefkitty@gmail.com and find out what we (my horses and I) are willing to offer!   :)

*All videos and most pictures in above promo video were of this past year and we are excited about learning more this year!*

My Horse Goals This Year! (Trying to get pumped!)

It's winter. No indoor area here so that kinda puts a big damper on horse training, but I've learned to take advantage of what I CAN do instead of what I can't with my horses whether that be a short ride, lounging, or a bit of liberty training.  Sometimes I sit and watch youtube videos of people working their horses in indoor arenas and they can get them to do all sorts of amazing things and that can put a damper on my spirits as I sit their thinking..."Man, what my horses could do if we had an indoor!" "If......"sure doesn't take you very far.  In fact that little word can be the reason one gives up and ceases to ever try to succeed!

I can't lie.  I have many dreams and goals to get done with my horses and it sometimes seems that we just keep getting older each year without getting any better or completing goals....that's just hogwash talk though....looking back we have come far and completed many goals and dreams and even exceeded expectations at times  for which I am grateful.  Why can't I be more grateful?  I guess I'm human.  Give me an inch and I want a mile!  Or I play the "compare game" which is never very fun either.

This year, I want to be more grateful in the things that we've already accomplished.  I want to focus on the small tries because that will lead to the big successes even if it does take the rest of my life!  I want to find ways to encourage my horses to do the right things while being themselves!  Most of all, I just want to be able to communicate to them in a gentle, loving way developing a deeper trust relationship and just plain have fun!!!  I want my horses to feel the excitement and joy I have for their efforts! What's that saying?  "If you know your appreciated, you'll do even greater things?"

I have loads of plans.....finish liberty stuff or work on more tricks?  Try more reining shows or go on an unforgettable horse vacation? (all of which takes money and tons of planning!)  Plan more trick horse demos or do I take on another start? Well whatever is in store God will be with us as we face another year and I say bring it on because I've got some amazing horses and everyday I get to be with them is a big blessing!!!

Both pics from this year doing our liberty act

It's Small....It's Difficult....and only a Few Find It......

If you dare to start reading......I'd like you to know that I write what's on my heart at certain times because I feel like God wants me to remember it, share it and be encouraged by what He teaches me because I suffer from short term memory loss...I guess I need lots of reminders and this is a small way I can remember some things God's done for me.

Last year, I enjoyed many horse-back rides on my two horses going through creeks, ponds, ravines, up and down hills, through winding paths, over logs, crossing bridges, galloping through grasslands and many etc.  If there's one thing I like to do--it's trail riding!  Many trail riding places are set up with wider, easier to ride trails and then have narrow, tougher trails for the more experienced horse and rider.  Needless to say, I enjoy the tough ones that no one knows about and the parts where sometimes you just have to make up on your own and trust your horse!  Of course, that can be very dangerous and difficult, but oh the enjoyment of success and the beautiful relationship between horse and rider as the bond of trust gets a whole heap bigger as you face the challenges together!

Not very many people like to go on a difficult path.....In fact if you ask most people, they will tell you that they fear difficulties and want to get as far away from them as possible!  <--me included.  I'd rather not be scraped up with thorns or fall into holes and get hurt....or die!...so many times I too will take the easier, safer path. Unfortunately, God doesn't promise easy paths for His followers......and this would be a sad saying if....well let me tell you a little story that happened to me and my sister while out riding at our local park on a horse-back ride I will never forget:

This past year we were out riding in the fall and exploring all the hidden trails and finding new ones to take from here to there.  We came across a trail we had tried in previous years and never found where it went, but saw some horse prints on the narrow/barely visible path.  So we took it hoping to find a destination---the path was so overgrown that we had to stop and crack overhanging branches and thistles out of the way and many times when you are pushing through brush you end up bleeding from all the scraping....but we kept going.  We made it out of the thick brush to find the path gone!!! We lost it.  There were prints going to a creek, but no where to cross it....there were a few more tracks scattered here and there but nothing that looked real hopeful.  Disgusted, we decided to try riding up a steep ravine to see if we could see anything that looked like a path.  Nothing. Should we give up and turn around? No.  We were going to find a reason why this path was here.  We came to a beautiful overlook and could look down at the beautiful creek below us and suddenly I felt like the trip was worth it for the view.  We never did find a known path instead we chose a difficult path through a ravine to get to a spot on another narrow trail that would take us back to horse camp.  Another hard decision.  Where does one cross this ravine?  Would the horses trust us enough?  Would we have to go all the way back to where we started?  Dismounted I began searching for a good spot to cross and found what seemed to be a stable enough spot.  The way down was really steep...I asked my horse, Kitty, to move forward and she hesitated but I told her she could do it and asked gently again.  We went into the ravine---a bit more sinky than I thought but once across my girl went up the steep hill with ease.  Then it was Monica and Colty's turn and soon we were safely back on a more steady and comfortable path.  Suddenly, I had an amazing thought!  Look how far my relationship has come with my horse!  We truly have grown in love and trust of each other.  I trusted her to get me though safely and she trusted me to pick a safe spot to cross.  Sometimes it's very difficult to see where you stand in a relationship until it is tested.  From there, it determines whether your relationship grows or diminishes.  Thankfully, in our case, it grew!  And I never would have known if we hadn't picked a difficult path so full of obstacles and tough decisions to where I had to love enough to make a safe decision for both of us and fully rely/trust/believe my horse could carry me through!

Where am I going with this?  Well I could go on and on with this experience of what God was teaching me, but I'll just pull out a few things.
        1. Who/What am I fully relying on in life?  A survey said that 80% of Americans say they are Christians and believe in God, but only 7% to 8% say that they fully rely on God.  Ouch.  This is convicting for me.  How numb we can get!  It's so easy to say yes, I believe in Jesus...but do you really?  Do you really rely on Him for everything?  In everything?
        2.  Am I following the wide and easy path that the rest of the world follows or am I following the narrow, sometimes more difficult path that God wants me to follow?  Matthew 7:13-14 states that "You can enter God's Kingdom ONLY through the narrow gate.  The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who chose that way.  But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few find it."

"Only a few find it"---you know only a few of us found that trail.  Sure it was no easy path.  Downright obnoxious at times....but what joy was found on that path!  An experience that allowed me to get a closer relationship with my horse.  God gives us these ups and downs in life to see how much we really do rely on Him!  Yes.  Sometimes we fail....we don't think God can help us in a certain situation so we do what we think is best.  Arg!  How does that work for you?  I usually find myself in a nasty temper or loads of pounding stress and a hurting heart when I try doing things on my own.  I miss the point that God is trying to teach me! I miss the opportunity of having a closer relationship with God.  Don't let the downs and twists of life get to you---God just wants to develop a closer relationship with you and that is a beautiful sight and a joyous feeling well worth the struggles!!!

      3.  Keep Going!  I know you have difficulties.  Everyone does.  But keep pressing on in your love and reliance on Jesus because then you will be able to say, "I was one of the few who found it!" Praise God for the difficult road because it will deepen your relationship as He helps you through it! You are never alone when you have Jesus in your heart and that is one of my goals this year is to fully rely on Jesus.  Difficult?  YES!  But Romans 10:21 is a comforting verse to me:  All day long God has held out his hands to a disobedient and obstinate people (God's totally describing me!)....wow! He invites Me (You) in with open arms!!!  I just want to jump into them and not let go!

Encourage each other!  I know I can always use encouragement!  I'd love to hear what God has been doing in your lives as well!  I love you all and hope to see you all soon in Heaven!  Happy 2015! Hallelujah!!!  We're all a year closer to eternity!!!

He leads me by still waters....He restores my soul.....Even though I walk through a dark valley I will fear no evil because you, Jesus, are with me.  Your goodness and love will be with me for the rest of my days and you will let me dwell in your house forever and ever.