The bigger picture part 1

How many of us are wanting to know the bigger picture today?  How long will this social distancing last?  How long will our lives be so different?  What affects will this have on the economy?  Will our churches be able to stand?  Will Christians stay firm in Jesus?  Will things continue to get worse?

We do have many questions....but we can also take our questions to God because He already knows and sees the big picture.  He also gives us plenty of scriptural prophecies/wisdom/readings/stories for getting through tough times like this and even warns us of the end times.

Or the everyday questions: When will God provide me strength, heal my body, my diseases, give me wisdom, help me find a job, a spouse, raise my kids, buy a new car, etc.

Recently, my brother and I rode horses into a HUGE cave.  It took almost a minute and a half to reach to where we had to dismount and explore the rest on foot.  I have never ridden in a cave that long and thought it was a pretty neat experience.  However, without a light, I would have been terrified as to what might be in the cave or perhaps something to trip us up,  Without a light, I can not see how big the cave is or what was in it I needed to avoid.  I was thankful for my flashlight.  We hiked clear to the end and turned our lights off.  It was dark. But then my eyes adjusted to a light not the cave opening but a glimmer of light bouncing off a rock that the opening could reach.  Amazing what a little light can do in the dark.  Was this enough light to see much?  Absolutely not it was just a point to try to get to since I could tell light must be that way.  It was so tiny so again we HAD to turn our flashlights back on especially since there was a part in the cave where the ceiling fell in making the footing quite tricky in places as it required some climbing!

Without the Bible and praying to God, we have no light in this dark world either.  We would be stumbling around in the dark getting more hurt and more lost.  However, when we turn to God and look to His Word for directions, we can all the sudden see the beauty even in the dark.  My brother and I could see some very pretty crystal rocks and even an orange and black spotted salemander in another cave etc.  We can also have peace and comfort in our dark world knowing that God is walking with us in this dark and evil world.  And the fact that my brother and I had each other made the exploring even more fun and possibly made us more confident in the dark.  So remember your brothers and sisters in Christ can help encourage you through the darkness as well.  We walk this dark world with Jesus and He is enough, but then He allows us to walk through this world with His other children too and this should inspire us to walk confidently through this dark and evil world.  And never forget that a little light goes a long way!  Point others to Jesus today!

This last picture is of the cave crystals we found in HUGE cave.  Not sure I have any pics of the huge cave otherwise.  lol!  too dark!

"I was throwing fiery darts at my fellow warriors...."

Everyone has their opinion on what's happening in the world right now.  Most of you, if you read my last post know which stance I have, but that is not what this post is about.  I'd like you to read this all the way through and consider carefully who you are fighting against.  I also want to thank those who are loving me through this and have different opinions. I thank you for sharing with me and I love you too!

I'll admit that I have had a much different view of this situation than what seems like most Christians.  Let me say, I have concern and love in my heart for all people so please do not say I don't.  The point here is that I have discussed concerns with others and they too have discussed theres.  We both have scriptures to back us up...so who's right? Has one of us gone mad? Are we both still Christians? (God does mention that many come and preach in His name but He does not know them) We both (I do hope so) are taking our concerns to God and researching scriptures fervently to see how God or His people should react to such a matter and not just rely on smart people and facts but upon Jesus, the way the truth and the life and upon the gospel of Jesus Christ, our ultimate source.

God then showed me in a day dream (I was not sleeping but I was listening intently) what He thought about some of my concerns.  First He mentioned that we all are created differently and for good reasons.  I may be bold as brass does that make me anymore Christian than someone who is tentative and submissive? No. God designed us differently because we as brothers and sisters in Christ can work better when we come together.  Each of us bringing our gifts and talents and our unique personal traits that God himself designed for each of us. 

God then shared with me a scene.  I won't forget it.  I saw Satan and thousands of his demons prepare to battle against Jesus and His saints.  This is an everyday occurrence.  Satan and his demons threw fiery dart after fiery dart into the saints that stood for Jesus.  Most of the time the saints came together and could fight off the Devil, but as I watched, I noticed that instead saints were firing upon saints!!!  My brothers and sisters were throwing darts at each other!!!  I couldn't believe it, Satan and his demons had somehow made us enemies to each other and now we were killing and wounding our own!!  I heard Satan's evil laugh erupt when he told His demons to hold their fire.  His smug evil expression as he said, "Hold your fiery darts, they are warring each other!  We will save our arrows for the next battle!"  In shock, I tried to warn my sisters and brothers that we can not stand if we don't stand up together!! But it was too late, division was rampant and wounds were inflicted.  Now, instead of throwing darts at Satan, I too began throwing darts at my fellow warriors.  I was throwing fiery darts at my fellow Christian warriors! Trying to persuade them to see like me, I threw dart after dart and they threw them back at me!  As I was about to give a death blow to another saint, God then opened my eyes to see that this is not the warrior He wants me to be!  The wounded saint which I had almost done in, instead I gathered up in my hands and embraced them.  I cleaned up their wounds and we sat in silence.  Dear God, where do I go from here?  For I was afraid to talk for fear we would just fight each other again.  Long silence.  Quick prayers.  God revealed to me, that love can still heal division and wounds and even anger and hate.  I got up from the battle field, now quiet somehow and looked into the eyes of the other saint and said, "Remember who the enemy is!" (Many of you may remember this line in Hunger Games) And with that, I helped my wounded warrior back up and we turned our arrows once again on the Devil and his demons.

God helped remind me that we shouldn't be fighting each other but fighting against the Devil and all his demons and schemes and wickedness and etc!  The Devil and wickedness is rampant today and we need each other more than we ever have before! Can you find it in your heart to be soft and tender towards each other...can you focus on the real enemy?  

Can you forget that you are Baptist, Presbyterian, Apostolic, Lutheran, Methodist, Catholic, Pentecostal, many etc and remember who you really are: A child of God.  A saint.  A warrior. Can you put down your accusations on all your brothers and sisters of every religion and can we come together and fight for Jesus?  Can we do that?  Can we look past differences and come together?  Otherwise, I do fear the above battle scene is happening and will continue to happen.  We need leaders of every church to get together with each other and maybe say...hey we need each other.  I will stand against evil if you will stand against evil.  Because churches you are basically dead when you have no believers gather.  That's something Satan is loving right now.  Believers aren't gathering.  Maybe our church leaders of all denominations can mark a day where they will stand up for Jesus and against evil and say this is when we are going back to church. (technically we would be submitting to our constitution because religious freedom is in it) (also our Christian founding fathers knew the importance of separation of church and state) As I heard today, sometimes the people have to remind the leaders what's right.  Can we do that, IL?  And if we all stand together, we can conquer Satan.  If we can't stand together, this hating, this hurt, this division will crush us and the Devil will win many victories.  Let's not let him win so easily!  Let's come together in Jesus's name and fight!  Let's fight for each other and let's fight for our God.  Because we are indeed in a fight.  Just remember who the enemy is.

My prayer has been to have a soft heart towards my brothers and sisters, but to have a boldness in the areas I am suppose to for Jesus.  That I can love Jesus fiercely through this and grow closer to Him! And I pray we can all heal from this. I pray this for myself first.

I encourage you to be soft hearted and be bold for Jesus!  Yes!  You can be both!  Seek God!  Stay strong in Him!  I also apologize for my many ungodly traits as I'm sure many of you are well aware of.  But I do love you all and pray that God can continue to guide me and mold me. 

   

Corona Virus--point of view from a high risk

I would like to share my view on the corona virus as someone who is considered at a high risk for getting this virus......and most likely dying from it.

You might be wondering why I consider myself a higher risk.  I have Rheumatoid Disease or commonly know as Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) which means I have a confused and broken immune system.  Everyday I wake up, my body attacks me and my body doesn't take a break at night either which can be the worst as when you're in pain, it's very hard to sleep.  Here are some facts below as I don't want to make this too long and get you too involved in my personal health problems.

 

I understand and can sympathize with people panicking over this very contagious corona virus.  When diagnosed, I too was extremely scared, but since I've had this disease for over 10 years, God has taught me that I can trust Him.  You see, before this outbreak of corona virus hit, I have always been at a high risk of catching ANY virus, flu, or disease and dying from it.  The last virus I caught literally took my breath away as I couldn't even talk without breathing heavy nor walk 10 feet without getting dizzy.  So I do NOT want this corona virus or any other flu, virus or disease out there. Get this-- I can be around a healthy person that carries a disease and though that person is not sick, I can get sick from them as they pass it to me and my poor immune system!!!!  So you never see me in public right? Wrong.  I have learned to just try to keep my distance and go to places less traveled and practice good cleaning and washing hands etc.  I'm not a neat freak (I work outside in dirt sweat etc) so most of all God had to teach me how to trust Him.  As Job in the Bible said, and as I found myself saying when I was really sick with the last virus I had.....God, though you slay me, I will trust you!  I'd rather be dead and yours, God, than alive and not yours.

So I take precautions and try to prepare the best I can for things, but I do not go into lockdown as the world is doing and ordering right now.  I am actually very disappointed with many churches and Christians right now.  I can't see the Apostle Paul accepting this lockdown right now.  That's like me saying, I will never go to church or be around people again because I have RA and don't want to catch anything from anyone.  Yet those of you who know me, know I go to church and other social events.  I do not lock myself in constant quarantine.  How am I to expect others to see my faith and trust in Jesus if I lock myself away from everyone and let my fears control me?  How are we to be the hands and feet of Jesus if we are afraid to stand out for Him when our world needs to know Jesus more than ever right now!?

God says be in the world, but not of it.  In other words don't go along with what the world is doing!  Now, I understand that we are to be subject to our government according to the scriptures.  However, there are times in the Bible where the government does not do what is pleasing to God and the believers go against it.  Plenty of scriptural examples.  Daniel thrown into the lions den after worshiping God when he was told not too. Paul being thrown in prison after being told not to preach about Jesus.  Many, etc.  To me closing the churches is a sign to everyone looking for truth and answers right now that even us Christians are scared and can be controlled by a virus. To me we are saying we don't trust God with our health and lives so how can we expect others to come to know Jesus through this pandemic if we our "tucking our faith tails."  I realize if you are reading this far, you may be angry with me and saying....but the church is doing this to save lives!!!  For the good of all mankind!!! To submit to our leaders!!   

Mark 8:36--What good is it for someone to gain the whole world (good health included), yet forfeit their soul?

1 Peter 4: 12-19--Basically, saying don't be surprised with painful trials and suffering.....this is something Christians WILL experience. Commit yourself to your faithful creator and continue to do good

Luke 18:8-..............However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?

I could give you more scriptural references but I'm trying to keep this blog short.  So in short...;)  I'm discouraged to see how little faith America has.  I knew we were getting bad, but was hoping for more.  Grocery stores out of stock because of panic buyers, people staying at home not lifting a helping hand to their neighbors, social media causing mass panic, churches switching to online services, people hording items to resell them at a huge profit at others expense, people dying in hospitals and nursing homes alone and without family because no one is allowed in to visit them, even animals being left on streets out of owners fear of catching the virus from their pet etc, etc!  Resources have already stated that they will end up having to pick and choose which patient to save and which to let die as they are expecting mass patients who need ventalators, meds, etc.
Now more than ever do we need each other.  We need to gather in prayer and support of each other.....even if that means meeting somewhere outside in small numbers 10 foot apart and pray and read scriptures and sing praises to our God.  Right now there are Christians meeting each other in secret and if found out will die because their government will kill them for worshiping God.  Yet, here in America........

No, I don't want to die, but if I'm going to die, I want to go down as having faith and trust in my dear Jesus.  I want Jesus to say, Well, done, my good and FAITHFUL servant.  I don't want to be isolated and let my fears engulf me....I want to keep spreading God's love and be bold till my last breath.

So what do we do, my fellow soldiers and followers of Jesus?  We may have to get a bit more creative.  There is a church in Florida who was doing drive in church.  Loved that idea.. sitting on top of cars or in cars and away from each other they could at least see and hear each other praise the name of Jesus!  And they were not breaking any governmental laws....we have so many strict rules, I'm not sure what we can do anymore.  But how about meeting outside in a field with lots of space and praying or singing?  How about setting up a question and answer forum on facebook with Christian counselors?  Even Christians have plenty of questions right now as does those who are searching for answers and thought they could look to the church.  How about calling each other and praying over the phone or sharing scriptures?  How about posting signs on our church doors with numbers or websites people can call to learn about our dear Jesus who can give them peace and comfort during this time, but most of all save their souls from eternal death.  I know I will be praying for more ideas on what I can be doing.  I may blog more often or share some Horsing Around for Jesus videos with you at some point.  And I continue to love my neighbor. Last night, I was riding by a neighbors house and he and his little boy and I like to talk/pet horses and my dog who I take riding with me occasionally.  Anyway, they were so excited to show me their new chocolate lab puppy, I had to get off my horse and congratulate them and pet that cute puppy!  That is what we need to do now too!  We have JESUS'S LOVE to share!!!  Death, where is thy victory?  Grave, where is thy sting?!!  Jesus has got me and he has you through life death and of course a virus!!!  We can still be excited about sharing this news!  It's good news, It's GREAT NEWS!!!  No virus can keep us down forever if we are God's!  Trust Him!

More good news is that we could be closer to Jesus coming back!!!  I'm digging into that this week (end times) as I think it's an appropriate time to be alert and ready as Jesus states we should be.

Readers, if you read this whole thing and you'd like to talk or pray or email or use messenger on facebook, I'd be happy to share with you the love of God and how I know He truly loves us and how we do not need to be afraid even if we are at a high risk of dying from this virus or any virus or disease! (like me!)

If anything, you guys can now better understand and sympathize with us!!! that is people with auto-immune disorders or any poor immune health go through everyday.  We wonder if we will get sick and how bad it will be.....will we live through this?  Will we recover or will our body get even worse?  Should I shake hands?  Should I go to a social event and risk those germs?  Is there a way to get less pain?  How careful should I be?  Should I risk my health and travel?  Should I stay on this drug that suppresses my immune system?  Do I have a future with all these problems?  Am I living pleasing to you, God, with this health problem?  How painful will my final days be?

I'm glad God has taught me how to better trust in Him as I am seeing from what's happening all around me what happens when we don't trust Him.  I need God everyday and I can't imagine the panic I would be in without Him.  He's still working on me.  I have a lot of flaws... I do not claim to fully understand my Savior and His ways and no one can, but I do know He loves me.

I'm thankful to know our world is in the Saviors hands and so am I.  I'm in the Saviors hands!

The job of a believer

How was 2019 for you?  How is 2020 looking?  To be honest with you I'm not too excited about 2020.  2019 was a great year as far as most major concerns and family time and vacations and I just see too much "stuff and things" in the way for 2020 to come even slightly within reach of 2019.  Maybe I need to plan an exciting equestrian challenge to perk my year up....eh?

Fact is life changes for most of us in a year.  Except mine.  Or so it can seem.  My life can seem very similiar to the last year and the last that all the sudden I'm in the next decade wondering what happened in those 10 previous years!!!  Didn't I accomplish anything besides not much in that time frame?  I have talked to some amazing people, my age and even younger than me, who have really done amazing stuff with their lives and while I'm excited to hear about what God allows/does in their lives, I wonder to myself, why isn't this kind of stuff happening in my life?

I'm reminded of the line in the Christmas movie Elf (pardon this analogy) where Buddy the Elf is wondering what his special talents are and why he seems so different from everyone else because everyone else seems to have similar talents except him.  The elves try to console him in saying that he does have special talents like changing the smoke detector or something like that.  Doesn't seem like much talent when compared to the others of making toys, cookies, shoes, etc.  However Buddy realizes that he does have a talent for spreading Christmas cheer so focuses on that with the help of Santa to remind him of who he is.

We live in an unfair society in which talents include and looked up to are wealth, position, number of friends and who your friends are, expensive new things, how big or neat your house is, how smart you are, etc.  And if you don't have these you are a no good for nothing and you need to acquire these as fast as you can to be successful and talented and become a somebody.

When I compare myself to this, I really am a no good for nothing nobody.  God has to remind me that it's not for land, wealth, position, or sheer talent or success that I'm here, but to spread His love to others.  Am I succeeding in that?  Or am I searching for something else to succeed in that society will accept?

Sure I'm quite bothered at the lack of my "society successfulness" but God gently reminds me that I don't have to succeed in that.  Like Buddy the Elf, I'm not just any human, I'm one of God's children and my job is to spread God's love. 

So, I'm asking myself....How are you doing with spreading Jesus cheer? 

How do you experience God?

Have you ever wanted to experience God more in your life?  You read about others experiences or see them for yourself and get a bit jealous...Why aren't you experiencing God?  How can we experience God?

I've been saving a book, "Encountering Our Wild God," written by possibly my most favorite author, Kim Meeder, for a time in my life where I feel spiritually slumped or needing encouragement. I've gathered in just a few short pages that God is not looking for "spiritual tourists" as the author states.  As Kim states, "God not only wants us to know Him, but He desires for us to want to experience Him."

So I asked myself this question:  How have I experienced God?  I know that God loves me....but how have I actually experienced His love in my life?  It surprised me but I have actually experienced His love many times and one happy way that I can encounter God is through working with horses or with a bad encounter, living with Rheumatoid Disease.

So if you're wondering or needing an example of this God gave me one the other day to help with whether I am just knowing God or actually experiencing God.

I work with horses. It's my job.  I feed them clean up after them and know them.  However since there are many horses at work to work with I don't always get to experience what they have to offer because we really haven't developed a strong relationship through training or truly experiencing each other.  In contrast, my two horses Missy and Kitty, are at the experiencing level.  We know each other so well.  I know what makes them spook.  I know what calms them down.  I know each of their personalities (which are many) and I know when I can trust them and when I shouldn't.  If I didn't know them this well, I wouldn't be able to experience them on a whole new amazing level.  I wouldn't be able to experience how they respond to riding on mountain edges or swimming in a creek, or crawling underneath them, doing back flips or head stands on them or discovering new exciting tricks that they want to show me.  If you are only knowing God, you are missing out on the deeper relationship of experiencing God!  If I know a person, but don't try to build on my relationship by hanging out or talking and experiencing that person hands on than I won't ever really be experiencing all that that person has to offer!  I know their name, but I don't know them.  Jesus doesn't just want us to know His name, but to experience Him in a day to day relationship where we see Him in our daily lives!  Feel His love in our hearts till it over runs!  Have joy in the midst of struggles and pain.  Comfort when we feel alone.

God has so much more to offer us than just us knowing Him.  He wants us to experience Him.  I must admit, the times I experience God are the best days of my life.  I'm not sure where this book will lead, but for starters, I'm asking God to help me experience Him more fully. 

So pray for ways to experience God so that you are able to see His amazingness!!  Maybe God is trying to love you through a letter from a friend, a compliment, a sunny day, a new job, a loss, exciting news, a problem, etc.  Remember God is not just experienced in the good times, but also the very worst.  Learn to look with your heart.  Keep knowing God, but delve into experiencing Him!

DON'T SETTLE!!

There is a reason that God wants us to put on His armor everyday.  We are in a battle whether it be with satan, sin, worldly desires, others or ourselves, it rages on.  We can't do it ourselves.  We need God's help and if you are getting your help from something or someone else please please don't settle for that!!

So many of us get tired of fighting and we settle for something that God really doesn't want for us, but in His mercy and love, He lets us choose and so many of us choose to settle for something lesser than what He had in mind.  God ONLY wants the BEST for us.  Re-read that.  God only wants the best for us.  Do you believe that?  I sometimes roll my spiritual eyes at that comment when my life is falling apart around me and the battle is raging fiercely.  So God you want me to have a severe flare up of Rhuematoid Disease right now?  You want my horse to be lame right now?  You want people that I dearly love to have all these problems?  I don't think you want whats best for me or my life God....I will battle on my own and settle for something else right now.  That is how I get and that is how we all get at one point....we doubt our God.  We doubt His love and care for us.  

But can I point out something to you dear reader?  Jesus told his disciples in John 16:33 that in this world, they would have trouble, but to take heart because He has overcome the world.  And Jesus has. He was crucified for us and dead in the grave but overcame death by rising from the grave in 3 days and He did that for.....US!  He knew that the world would bomb us with sins and temptations and trials and TROUBLE!!!  And you know what else, Jesus didn't settle for us.  He went all the way!  He wanted us to live with Him forever in Heaven. We were worth it to Him.  Is He worth it to us to not settle?  Can we fight off the lies we hear or tell ourselves, the sins that entangle us, our worldly lusts, the devil?  Can we do that for Jesus?  Is He worth going through your struggles...even if you feel alone or too weak to battle?

We really must question if we really believe in a Heaven and a Hell.  One full of so much goodness vast beyond our imagination and the other full of pain and agony beyond bearing!  Do you shake it off?  Do you settle for putting it out of your mind, keeping busy with your life, chasing the next big dream or step in your life, doing what your culture says is "the way to success" but you forget why you are really here?!!  YOU ARE NOT HERE TO SETTLE!!!!  Please don't settle or exchange your salvation for a nicer paying job when glory awaits you in Heaven! Please don't settle for a marriage when God has already told you that you are His bride. Don't settle for just loving your own family when God has so many children that need to be shown His love.  Please don't settle for gaining the best health when God will wipe away your pain and tears forever.  Please don't settle for earthly accomplishments as they can't compare to spiritual goals!  Please don't settle for fame, when you can get to know the most incredible and famous person who is eager to hear your voice!  Please don't settle for quick fixes, when God maybe would rather give you a longer re route to fall deeper in love with Him!  Don't settle for fun right now, when you can have eternity with Jesus.  Though none of those things are bad, they can become why we live.  Basically, Don't get wrapped up in settling or straining for something that will not matter in the end!!  Please Please, don't settle!   

What's tiring you out as a believer in Christ?  What's holding you back from falling deeper in love with Jesus?  

I think I know.  

You've settled.  That's what's holding you back.

You don't read God's word because you don't have time or you are too tired at the end of your day. You don't pray because you don't believe He will answer you the way you'd like.  You don't share your love of Jesus with others because you are afraid of how they will take it.  You simply go with the flow because it is easier to settle than to battle!!  

My heart is heavy and I know many who have settled and this is a dangerous place to be because you are closer to satan than to God at this point.  I have been here too.  More times than I would like to admit, but God is telling me to get back into the fight and battle! 

Don't settle, Sandy, because there is something better ahead for you! I do want what's best for you and in time, you will see just how much I love you and that it was all worth the fight.  Don't settle!

So please, I only type this as I felt my heart burst tonight at the thought and realization of how much I let myself settle and how much this world is settling.  I'm settling!! You are settling for earthly things!!! We need to keep battling for Jesus because satan is winning when we settle and we can't have that. We are called to be little Jesus's and Jesus himself took the time to pray and talk to so many.  He wasn't wrapped up in His earthly job nor the traditions of the culture, He wasn't concerned about who he would marry how many kids they should have,, getting a high paying job, insurance and retirement funds, fancy houses, politics, paid vacations, or how many awesome things He could do so others would like Him or check it off His bucket list....No, He was about His Father's business and that was to save us from our sin and provide a home with Him forever in Heaven with Him if we only believe in Him. He was concerned with what mattered. 

We need to not settle for what the world says is good.  We need to be like Jesus concerned with what the Father (God) wants of us.  Not what society thinks or pressures you to do, but what God desires and God desires that we all come to know Him as our Savior and King.  Because one day, every knee will bow and mouth will confess that Jesus is Lord (Romans 14:11) and we will be thankful that we never settled for something less.  

Maybe you don't realize you've even settled?  Ask yourself what is important to you?  What do you spend your time doing?  Who do you share your deepest concerns with and you do you trust with your life? 

Is it Jesus or is it something/one else?

May God grant us courage and wisdom to overcome the world.  Ask God to renew your passion for Him today because He desires you and would love to spend more time with you!  

My Skydiving Adventure

The idea of skydiving was first mentioned by my cousin, Jason, at a family get together for Easter. Come on we were celebrating Jesus life and resurrection from the grave...let’s not be hasty in getting to the grave ourselves! I was asked if I wanted to go. I laughed and said no way would I ever do that! I thought they were crazy and well..stupid! Why would you throw yourself off a plane and possibly die like that? I couldn’t understand it and even tried to talk them out of it...mostly because I loved my cousins and knew someone who was killed as a skilled skydiver.

Confirmed in my no, it was not until after my other cousin, Rebecca, came over to help celebrate my birthday where we put together a video of riding horses along a mountain edge which to me, seemed pretty safe. Rebecca announced she was going skydiving and I couldn’t hardly believe it! I tried to convince her horse-back riding in the mountains was safer and she tried to convince me that skydiving was safer. Neither of us were persuaded. We each had our opinions. However, listening to our song choice for that years horse adventure, “Fear is a Liar,” I began to feel a bit convicted. Just because I am comfortable facing certain fears does not mean someone else needs or should be. We all have our fears. We all will risk everything for someone or something. Besides fear is a liar. My whole life has had its fear facing challenges. When I was diagnosed with RA, I had to either give up and let fear win or face my fears and new challenges by taking a leap of faith and trusting God to be able to use me even in my new disease and new struggles. Fear always tells you, you will fail. It can make you give up and it can numb you. Fear is also a good thing as it will lead you to make wiser decisions like looking both ways before you cross a street. It can be hard to determine what to do or how to approach a fear, but thankfully we do not have to face fear alone. I often forget that.

Convicted of dragging my cousin on rides that caused her fear, I began to look at skydiving differently. Maybe I should try it to face my fears, and to deepen my compassion for others facing different fears. But did I really need to do it? I didn’t really want too. After all, God gave us a mind to reason, and my mind was saying its a foolish thing and totally unsafe...why do it?  I had no experience with skydiving. I didn’t want to just go with the crowd on this either, so I began researching the sport of skydiving and praying about it. Tandem Skydiving which is what we would be doing seemed safe enough as you jumped with an experienced instructor. Still it was risky and an unforgiving sport if things went wrong and besides how could I trust someone I didn’t even know?

The song lyrics kept tugging at my heart…..I expected others to face their fears, I need to face one of mine! Have you ever been so frustrated with someone who can’t conquer a fear only to find out you have a huge fear of your own that you refuse to face? Skydiving seemed like a stupid way of conquering a huge fear and I even looked up videos of skydiving fails to convince me that it was indeed stupid. However, I still felt that I needed to do it and as it was; the day they were going, I was off work and their were no horse shows or family plans on my calendar...it was like God knew I’d be looking for excuses to not go.

So for those reasons, I texted Jason and said I think I want to join you next Saturday but I’m not sure yet. I find it fascinating that we try to create a way of escape when we are trying to face our fears. Yes, God, I will face this fear if you provide…...fill in the blank. It’s like we need a certainty. I know I crave it. We want to know what will happen if we do this? Will I live? Will it harm me? Will I regret it? Is it stupid? Will God discipline me for making a wrong choice? What will happen to my family? My horses? Am I just going along with the crowd to be cool?

You know, trusting Jesus, seems so simple, yet when we are on that narrow path with Him we tend to wander off of it and overthink that we may be able to take this other easier path and sorta “help” God out since we are more mature and “smarter” than when we first began our walk with Him. So we listen to our fears, instead of our Father. We think with our mind, instead of our heart. We trust our knowledge instead of God’s wisdom. We believe what we can see, instead of believing what we cannot see.

The Saturday before the jump, my cousins helped me sign up officially. I was so scared and relieved at the same time! It’s done now. Time to give it up to the Lord. I prayed a lot. The last few years have been hard and I had told God I didn’t mind going to Heaven early…..but not this way I told Him. I want to live longer. There are things I still need to do for you, relationships that I need to grow in, my sister needs her riding buddy and my horses need a patient, loving trainer...not yet God. It was the first time for awhile that I had prayed to live longer and say that I enjoyed living! Weird how fears can point out the important things to you in life. But how was I to cram everything that I thought I needed to do for God and others in one week? It was just impossible! I told God, I can’t do it! I wondered if He would be mad at me for skydiving instead of doing something more serving and spiritual. Then through scripture and gentle direction, God reminded me that He already loves me! His perfect love has trampled my imperfections and there is nothing I can do to wreck that endless love! God was not here to judge me but to save me! It would not be my accomplishments for Him that would build me a mansion in Heaven, but my God’s forgiveness and overwhelming love for me. The week passed and I was rather peaceful all the while knowing it could be my last week here on earth. It didn’t help when others tried to talk me out of it as what they said made perfect since….skydiving was a crazy thing to do!

Do others talk you out of crazy things to do for the Lord? Do they cause you shame and uncertainty? Do they cause you to rethink what God is calling you to do? Do not let them slow you down in serving your Father!

Friday night, the night before the jump, I was actually pretty excited and nervous. I was awakened at night several times at the thought of what I was going to be doing the next day. It was early in the morning and I was restless...I needed to spend some time with God. I read a short daily devotional about God’s chosen people of Israel. I think God was trying to remind me that I was one of His chosen daughters….that He loved me so and that I would always be His. This calmed me and I rested easily. My heart was full of His love for me and it made me confident in knowing whatever the outcome of the day, I was God’s. My fear was overtaken by His love and my prayers for peace and comfort were fully answered.

We all met at my cousins house and carpooled together. Everyone had excited nervous emotions as this would be the first time for all of us to be jumping out of an airplane! Upon arriving at the skydiving center, we first prayed together and asked God for safety. Then we all headed to the check in and basically signed our lives away as they warned you that skydiving is indeed dangerous and you could die. The next step was watching a short video of what we needed to know before we went skydiving. You needed to be able to do certain body positions to help control yourself in the air. A slight sinking feeling in my stomach arose but I shook it off. Next we split our group of 15 into 4 smaller groups. I signed myself up for the first group which was with my 3 other girl cousins, Diana, Abby and Rebecca. We then took our valuables to the car and by the time I got back it was already my turn to get geared up! Talk about no time to be nervous! I met my video/photographer and then my tandem instructor, the guy I would be harnessed too and hopefully the guy who would bring me safely down. They both seemed pretty nice and between my cousins and their excitement, I was ready to go jump off an airplane! It was pretty amazing, I really wasn’t scared at all. My instructor had been doing this for 30 plus years which amazed me. I remember him asking me if I talked more if I was nervous, I told him yea I think so. However, my cousins and brother agreed I talk more when I’m excited too and I was certainly both!

I guess the plane ride was about 15 minutes...It didn’t seem that long. I hadn’t been in a plane for a long time and it seemed odd to think that I would be jumping out of this one. I remember a little turbulence got my stomach feeling funny but as we got higher the plane got smoother. The plane ride is a bit awkward as you basically sit inbetween the legs of your instructor with no back rests as the plane went up to keep from leaning back on a guy I didn’t know nor want to squish as he would be the one responsible for getting us down safely, I gripped a tiny spot on the window to keep from sliding backwards or forwards. My instructor noticed and asked if I was making claw lines with my white knuckles on the plane. I kinda laughed and said no, I’m doing fine! We let another diver out at a lower level and as I watched him leave the plane I thought, that could be the last time we see that guy alive! I watched as my altimeter went higher and higher soon my instructor and I were running through the jump instructions again. He told me we would jump at 13,500 feet. I remember talking and joking with the girls and instructors and camera guy and then all the sudden I’m getting attached to my instructor in preparation to jump. I told him to get me nice and tight and that he needed to pull our parachute (they give you an option to try to get it first), I decided I was just going for the ride and didn’t need to possibly pull my parachute and do it wrong breaking it and have to rely on the backup parachute! Rebecca went first. Abby screamed and cheered for everyone going out the window. Her instructor thought that was great! My turn next. I just focused on the position I needed to be in and then we jumped and I felt us fall. We fell at 120mph! Loads of wind made it hard for me to focus on breathing let alone trying to make the cool sign and other funny, cool faces. I was able to grab my camera guys hand (he jumped at the same time as us to capture a video and take pics of the free fall). It was kinda amazing how they could control their fall! The last part of the free fall, I waved good-bye to my camera guy and I felt us screech to a slow down as the parachute came out! Thank you, God! And that’s when I really started to enjoy the sights and could catch my breath and just enjoy the beauty from above looking down. My instructor let me help him drive our canopy and we even did 2 red spins which are the tightest, fastest circles you can do in a tandem skydive so that made me feel less wimpy! As we coasted smoothly into the landing I screamed at my cousins saying, “Hi guys! This is amazing!” We were told in class to lift our legs and kinda slide to the ground on our butts, but my instructor at the last few seconds said you can keep your legs out. It was a soft landing, but my feet didn’t know what to do when they hit the ground after all that dangling air time and actually my RA was kinda bothering me in my feet so my landing was pretty sloppy as I went to me knees. I asked my instructor what I did wrong and he said, “Are you hurt?” I said, nope! And he replied, “Then you did it right!” Once safely to the ground I just became super grateful and hugged my camera guy and instructor! It really was a cool experience and I certainly thanked God for the safety and amazing experience! Guess what? I enjoyed it! I really did and I enjoyed the lessons that God had taught me through skydiving and facing your fears. I heard someone say that God puts the best things behind the door of fear. I was afraid of this door, but yet it was an amazing experience to get a chance to fully rely on my God. To take a leap of faith (quite literally) and know that whatever happens God is going to catch you! I could have died and that would have been another door of fear to walk through, but I knew that if I had to open that door of death that something better was awaiting me on the inside. I would be in the arms of Jesus.

Spiritual insights I learned through skydiving: 1) Don’t be afraid to take a leap of faith even if others say it’s crazy! (I am NOT saying you need to experience skydiving!) I am saying that God calls us to do crazy things and sometimes we don’t do them just because we are afraid of what others will say or we are afraid of what may happen to us. What is God calling you to do for Him today? Small or big, take the leap for Him!

2) I fell out of the plane at 120 mph. That’s crazy fast! How fast are you at following after God? Are you quick to hear His voice? Spend time with Him in prayer and reading scripture? Who or what are you falling for today? Is it something other than Jesus? We need to fall in love with Jesus. Once you chase after and feel that love from God your spirit will be uplifted even stronger than 120mph winds!

3) God does provide parachutes for us at times in our life. He lifts us up out of danger and glides us safely to where He wants us to be. Sometimes our parachute won’t open and He will let us fall, but He is with us even in our fall. I was hooked onto an instructor and he fell with me. I remember telling him to make sure that I was tightly connected to him (I didnt want myself getting loose at these heights and I knew he was my only chance of survival) and he replied that I wouldn't be getting away from him! I picture times in my life where I feel like I’m falling alone and out of control or that God doesn't have me close or tight enough to Him and I may lose Him and I know if I lose my God, I will be forever lost. Yet just as I was securely strapped to my instructor, God had me securely strapped in His hands.  God reminded me of this: He is with me in safety and in danger...even peril. He’s attached to my heart and I’m attached to His heart.

My comfort and help was not in the safety harness, but my Instructor, my God.  So when my tandem instructor replied, "You won't be getting away from me!" I have to smile and think that was exactly what God was saying to me right then!  My dear Sandy you won't be getting away from me!  Such amazing love God has for each of us!!

God, help me to always desire to be attached to you for you are the only one who can save me. Keep me close to you! Amen.