Is Hope dead?

Let's call it out right now...we don't always have the feeling of hope.  There are things in this world that we think are hopeless to hope for and we get lost in the hurt and darkness around us.  Because there is much hurt and darkness and so it's easy to focus on if we lose sight of what Hope really is.  We ask ourselves "Is my Hope dead?"  I think we've all done it. Placed our hopes and dreams into countless hours of research, work, time, things we accumulate, and lots of effort.  Only to have it disappear on us in a small matter of time.  But as Kim Meeder (author of Fierce Beauty--great read!) puts it Is Hope just a feeling?

She continues on to say, Hope is a choice and an action.  

It's about picking up our sword of truth and destroying the darkness and lies around us by spreading the hope and truth of Jesus.  

It's a choice.  An action.  

Do I want to choose to let myself be swallowed up by darkness, lies and the hurt around me or will I choose to see that my hope is in Jesus (He promises to never leave me) and choose to follow Him and spread His love in whatever way we can....but it's a hard choice most of the time and takes a fierce warrior.  

Hurt is so rampant in our world today.  It affects everyone.  Whether you believe in God or not.  Rich or poor. Sick or healthy.  Each day can be filled with hurt or hope, but the choice is ours.  That is why Hope is more than a feeling it's an action...a battle...a choice.  

I'm not typing this to you because I have alot of hope.... rather I'm trying to push back the darkness and fears and lies and feelings of hopelessness and hurt when I'm not sure how to stand and fight all this darkness that the world is so good at handing out.  Hope is dying around us.  Stand up for the hope that lies deep in your heart.  Fight as God fought darkness by sending His son, Jesus, to die and shed His blood for us all so that we can have a place in Heaven with Him where there is no darkness...no hurts...no ugliness of the world....and where there is Hope forever.

I think that without Hope in Jesus we cannot truly love others, we can't have peace that passes all understanding, and we can't live a life of fully trusting Him.  

So how can you start reviving hope?  One choice at a time.  One action at a time.  Here's an example of what I mean in my life.  When I'm feeling like my life is going nowhere or even getting worse in various areas. I can chose to focus on acts of love that God has already poured on me in the past reminding me that I am so loved.  An action would be as simple as a prayer to my God for my broken heart to be mended by His love so I can truly shine for Him inside and out.

  

God cries for us

I was out riding Missy for a much needed life break....As we rode through the mist and clouds, I couldn't help but think of all the clouds and rain in my life and I wondered if God really cared about all this stuff in my life.   Even the rain wouldn't quit all the way...While riding my mind kept thinking of all the recent rain in my life:  my RA flaring and the hassle of doctor appointments and insurance and learning new things, the overload of work that I can't get done because of either crazy heat or constant rain or body pain/fatigue, the things I want to do for God, but can't seem to find the energy or time, my concern about my health and future...And God to top it all off, this rain won't quit...I wondered why God had made it so humid or rain so much (as to ruin all the full capacity of the roundup spray and pasture fence line growing so out of control it'll be a miracle if I can clear it without getting poison ivy)...then there's other concerns like family, friends, church, the world, and they all have problems or concerns that need attention or prayer and it makes your heart hurt, but you don't know what to do about all the worldly problems or your friends and families....Where ARE YOU God?  so you do the one thing you can do...pray.

As I talked with God in the rain on Missy, God gave me a little insight that popped into my head that helped me see this rain in a different light.  What if rain was God's tears?  What if when it rains God is doing His best to show us that He is concerned with our problems, He does see the worlds hurts, He is concerned for us and because He loves us...Our God, my God cries on my (our) behalf!  Maybe some of you can't imagine our big mighty God crying!  let alone for us.....but He Does!!  He feels our pain, our hurts, our brokenness and He cries for us.  Jesus cried for Lazarus....do you remember the shortest verse in the Bible?  It's "Jesus wept."  I began to feel happy as I rode along on Missy and began to appreciate all the rain...God cries for me...for us all....I thought, Wow, God is really having a good cry right now, but there is lots happening in each one of our lives and God wants to show us that He is seeing that...He knows!  He loves you!  He's crying for you!  I bet God would love to swoop down to us and pick us up in His arms and just hold us in a loving embrace, but He chooses to not do this physically yet so He has to show us some other way....so God created rain.  His tears wash over our wounds and cleanse them.  They wash our scars, our dirt, and our fears.  The hot anger we feel is cooled by His refreshing tears.  Our pains our drowned in His tears of love for us.  Our hearts melted by just one of His teardrops.

So what remains after our God cries over us?  A new, refreshed us.  Cleansed by our God's tears we can once again face our fears.  Why does God let it rain?  So He can show us that His love still remains!  We can once again say, "Thank you, God, for letting me know you love me!'   When everything else is cloudy and raining in our life, we can still know that God loves us!

Missy and I started to enjoy our cloudy, rainy ride and I couldn't help but sing praises to my God as we rode down the country road.  I wasn't about to let satan defeat me now...my God was present and just like our ground here I was over saturated by His love!

So now, I smile at my God and let the rain wash down my face and arms and wherever it wants to go because it's love from my God and it makes my heart feel so good when I know He loves me so much to even cry over me and any of my struggles.  My God is so good.  Bring on the rain, God.  I need to feel your love again and again because I am weak, but thankful your love is strong!

A hard question....how do you answer?

Felt the strong need to share this with you because I often put my mouth into a situation instead of my arms and heart.

While doing this Prayer study by David Healey a question seemingly out of the blue stated this:  Imagine you have a Christian friend who feels that God is remote from his/her situation and has no sense of God's presence in their daily life.  Consequently prayer is difficult.  How can you help that person to pray?  
This question really broke my heart because I've been here.....maybe more often than I'd like to admit.
Prayer can become so hard during this time....you can think it's bouncing off walls, or maybe it's just lack of wisdom in knowing what to say because it sounds stupid or too easy or does God even care about me?  Sometimes I just can't pray.  I don't have words.  But do we really need words?  (oops I sorta trailed here...but yes I believe you can pray without words...God knows and listens to your hearts cry)

So back to the above question.  How can you help that person?....period.  At this point, God has taught me that words even with wisdom and love sometimes feel like rocks being thrown at a heart longing for acceptance and love.  

It comes down to the saying that God gave us 2 hands and 1 mouth for a reason...  I tend to let my mouth do alot more than my hands...maybe because it's easier and way less awkward than......putting your arms around someone and holding them tight and saying something like this to them...."This is what God wants to give you!  Lots of love!  He wants to hold you tight!"  Because God does!  Never have I been touched more than by God's love.  But you have to ask Him to reveal His love to you sometimes and then you have to be willing to open your eyes to the small things that God does in your life.

Yes. I know that is very hard.  You are at your lowest....you need something spectacular to lift your spirits....to know that you are loved....but He will....it just may start out with a gentle touch.

As a horse trainer, I can tell you that horses who are having the most difficult/really struggling/overwhelmed tend to not be able to handle a "quick" one step fix.  They need a gentle slow moving method as not to rush their nerves.....you don't hit your friend who is struggling with your hand or words or methods of wisdom, you first need to show them that you care and are going to try to help them in a loving gentle manner one step at a time.  So don't shove your friend into praying right away....Show them God's love first!  No words are needed, just pour out some of the love that God gives to you and share it with them.  God will do the rest.  He's the best heart doctor around!

As a sidenote, if you are struggling with knowing if God loves you, I'd encourage you to ask Him to reveal His love to you!  God loves to do this for us!  Even if it's something as simple as a sunny day! (He knows I love sunny days to ride my horses!) ;)

God's jealous for you

I'm really thankful that God is jealous for me...for you!  It's kinda something we don't talk about much....God being jealous for us, but He is.  You are so special to Him because He made you unique and beautiful as you are and He wants me and you!!!

It's not a coming and going kind of jealousy that we often experience here on earth (for example a favorite item that your friend has that you want or more for me it could be watching a horse trainer doing amazing things with their horses and wanting so bad to have that kind of relationship and fame with my horses!)....With God it's a relentless pursuit!  He pursues us.  Sometimes I feel that I need to pursue God every second in order to be loved by Him, but He's constantly reminding me that He's jealous of me and even pursues me when I'm flopping!   I laughed a bit when I came to this realization because no one loves me like that.  Let's face it, I don't have much to offer even on a good day.  God's jealousy is strong enough to love me and pursue me when I'm running away, ignoring Him, want nothing to do with Him, or searching for answers, or caught up in a whirlwind of life matters, or just plain flopping, etc.  The flopping doesn't bother Him at all!  He pursues us all the more it seems!

Recently, I was focused on something else and really thought I'd get an answer by doing this thing but I found it very unsatisfying.  I later came to realize that I had put my entire trust/hope in the wrong thing and when my high hopes came crashing down, I questioned God and my motives.  What God really did was instead of satisfying me with an answer that was not directly through Him, He made me thirsty and cry out for an answer directly from Him.  Since God was jealous for me, He wanted to be the only one to supply my need!  Not through someone else. Not through circumstances.  Not through my own reasoning.  Not by chance.  Through Him!  It's so very satisfying when relief and satisfaction comes through God.  It's a moment to soak in for sure!  I long for those moments!

I'm sure there are other reasons why God lets us be unsatisfied or find satisfaction through things other than Him, but one of the reasons I believe that God does this is to draw us closer to Him and to make us realize that He alone holds the answers we long for (even if they take forever getting to us....or seem to never come) because of His jealously for us!  He longs for us to love Him and will do anything to get our hearts and minds focused back to Him.  I love that!  God's jealous for me, and will do anything to get my attention and love!

Sometimes it's good to focus on how much we are loved by God.  Then praise God for how much He loves you!  I'm grateful that God is jealous for me!

Sink or Swim. When God asks for your life-jacket....

I'm scared to be in big bodies of water...I'm no beach bum nor do I get excited for water sports or crossing bridges, but I had a scare with water when I was young so hence the caution.  I can't imagine why God put a water story for me in my brain today other than I really must need it.  The story goes like this...

I'm on a boat, big enough to have a small deck above and below it.  Not sure what I'm doing on a boat as it didn't make much sense at the time but I had a few ship mates as well...we all served the Captain (who was later revealed to me as God) of our ship and we all were given one life-vest in case of an emergency.

I'm not exactly at smooth-sailing in my life right now so you can bet that boat found a horrific storm! Pelting rain, hideously loud thunder and lightning streaks were the only way of seeing in the darkness that swallowed our boat.  The storm raged for days and we all suffered, but most of the crew could sleep, while I was fully awake a fearful tossing and turning on my sleep turns.  The crew of the small ship tried their very best to control the boat under the Captains orders but the waves were too strong and the order of "Life-jackets on!" made my heart in my chest drop to the ground.  Great! I hated storms and being stuck in the middle of the ocean on angry waters and winds was not my idea of adventure.  With my life-jacket securely on, I tried my best to help the crew, but I really didn't know what I was doing. Water was everywhere and I knew the boat would surely sink or be tossed under the angry waves.   I was thankful for my life jacket. It was my security and only hope of surviving clear out here and in these conditions.  But the Captain called me to his quarters where He asked me to take off my life-jacket and give it to him.  WHAT? I cautiously questioned his authority....I'll die without my life-jacket?!  I mean really we all know the Captain goes down with the ship right?  He's been out in storms before why make me who knows nothing of how to do anything with a ship or fears water....why should I have to go without my life jacket?

I handed the Captain my life-jacket, the one thing I had, the only thing I had was now his.  I gave all I had to him.  Stunned and shocked I began to look for another life-jacket...it was hard being tossed to a fro and look at the same time....I asked the crew for help and none of them would give up their life-jacket for me either....a couple of them said to trust the Captain.  But how could they know what it was like to not have a life-jacket when they all had one on!!!!???  It was no use....no spare life jackets were found and while the crew was either swept over or abandoning ship with a chance to live and succeed through this storm I was forced to stay aboard and sink with the ship.  The Captain, who was by this time the last one besides me on the boat, found me again. I thought how strange that He isn't wearing my life-jacket just holding it close to his side.  As if taunting me he looked directly at me and said,  "It's up to you, either you sink or swim."  Now alone on the steadily sinking boat, I began to search for things that may be able to yet save me.  However, it seemed that whatever I found was already broken, old and rusted out, or too weak and powerless to hold hope in.  I couldn't believe the Captain would leave me here all alone to die so I yelled and cried,  Why my life jacket? Why couldn't he have left me that life-jacket?  Didn't He know that was my only sense of security the only thing I owned that could get me through this storm and He takes it away?  Why?  He didn't even use or need it?  Why did He leave me here all alone.....no one would be coming to my rescue.  

As I was tossed overboard, I remembered my Captains words....what was I to do sink and drown or swim and keep swimming?  Where though?  Where do I swim?  Shore could be so many different directions.....which way do I go?......could I reach the shore before tiring out and drowning....what if a fish attacked me?

I decided to swim.  I picked the direction the waves were pushing me and then prayed I could keep swimming....How long was I to swim and where would this swim lead me?

Suddenly I knew who had my life-jacket.  I knew where my security was....I knew where hope could be found.  It wasn't in that life-jacket at all.  It wasn't in the securities I let go of.  Hope was resting in knowing that God was holding my life-jacket, the very one I gave up for Him when he asked me too. I hadn't realized it but I indeed left my hopes and securities in His hands and I knew whether I sank or continued to swim, God was always going to hang onto what I gave Him which sometimes isn't much at all and sometimes it all looks bad but He'll never let go of what I give Him.

So now I'm swimming because sinking isn't an option right now.  Could I still sink?  Yes, I could sink....I've done it a couple times already, but when Peter began to sink He called out to Jesus and Jesus caught Peter.  So I have to believe that if I sink, my Captain, my God and my Jesus will be there to catch me and pull me out of the world and storm that's making me sink.  After all, He's pulled me up from sinking a few times already.

I may be swimming alone right now.  You ever struggled with something that no one seems to understand...maybe you're swimming alone right now too....it's ok we need to go it alone sometimes. Have all your options run out?  Is what you've trusted in gone?  God wants you to swim and renew your trust and hope in Him as sometimes you gotta get tossed into the middle of the storm to see exactly where your hope lies...Is your Hope lying in Jesus's hands?

Who's holding your life-jacket today?

Your hopes not in the life-jacket, but the One who holds your life-jacket!

Searching for God's will-2018 Battle Cry

Did you miss me keyboard?  We haven't had a touching moment together for awhile!  I've needed to type but it seems I'm having a hard time putting life's matters into words.  Words can be tricky can't they.  We can say things we don't mean to say quite easily, and yet when it comes to something healing and loving it can be few and far in between.  Why is it so hard for me sometimes?!

Sometimes I think that God can be few worded and far in between with the words I need desperately from Him.  I'm not alone in this as the Psalmists wrote about wanting God's help, refuge, strength, and direction.  There are a few prayers I pray that have not been answered, and it's frustrating. Maybe I'm just not smart enough to understand what God's trying to tell me, maybe I'm not in tune or blocking Him out, or maybe I'm being too loud, or maybe I'm not trusting God enough.

Recently, I heard lots of songs about giving God control and trusting Him on the radio.  I know they were all played for me from God.

ALL my life....I've heeded the messages of waiting on the Lord...though I admit I wasn't patient and there were times of failing, but I waited....yet still nothing as yet another year passes and another year praying.

Yes...The Israelite's waited 40 years in the dessert before they could enter the Promised Land, I told myself.  Wow! I'll be 67!  Can waiting turn into rotting?  Because I'm pretty sure that's just what my body will be doing!

Last year, I asked God for courage and He provided some for me.  With His help, I was able to do many things I thought never possible.  In many ways, He has answered my prayers and I'm so very grateful.

Fear often grips me (for whatever reasons) and so I ignore the dreaded fear or run as fast as I can to get away from it to get relief and find safety and control!  I was surprised when God used some of my greatest fears and "out of my controls's" this year and turned them into my greatest spiritual/God moments of the year!

A thought came to me....what if waiting was me running away from a fear?  What if I need to be bold and go courageously into the unknown?  What if I changed my passions to acts of compassion?  What if I traded my securities for insecurities?  What if I traded my distrust in God for trust in God? Dared to help others more than myself?  Dared to live life with very little and give alot?  What if all this waiting is just an excuse not to face my fears?

This year, 2018, will be a year I strain to face my fears (or at least a few of them) so that I can give God total control.  Yes. That means I could end up doing things that people/the world don't understand why I'm doing and honestly, I won't understand either, but I know I can trust God.  He is the one that got me through 2017 and if He wills it...2018.

Romans 12:2(NLT) 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

I think the above verse will be my verse of the 2018 year!  I really really want to know God's will for my life, but the customs and behaviors of this world keep pressures on me almost constantly!  And yes, I've been known to explode because of them.  After all I'm getting older and should already be a parent, or at least married or moved out, have a well paying job, sound investments, and retirement plans and future plans in order....That's a successful life to our world here in America.

However, the times I've been most successful are generally filled with moments of facing my fears and letting go of "my self"  and giving God total control...it's not when I make myself a success, it's more like when I let God use me for what He designed me for which is good and pleasing to Him no matter how little I have to offer Him.   And these are also the times I feel most loved by Him since He doesn't have to use me, but chooses to because He loves me.

What if I traded my distrust in God for trust in God?  To myself I ask this question.  What's causing me to not fully trust God?  Since I've been praying much (at least for me) about my future and God's will for my life and not getting a direct answer.....it can cause me to think God doesn't care about me....or has no future plans for me....(Am I dying soon?)...or needs me to wait.....did I pray the wrong prayers?  or maybe I need to simply trust God and do what He wants of me right now.  Don't worry about what the world says, or what others are doing or saying, or what those mocking voices in your head are screaming. 

I've found that God is more than happy to give us ideas of what we could be doing for Him right now!  I just get wrapped up in the many things I'm not doing for Him sometimes and then end up with doing nothing.  Or tell Him that what He wants won't matter.... and I'm only interested in the long run or ending result....If I were only interested in what my horses gave me in the long run or end result...that would mean, I didn't really care about all those little moments of growth and love we shared with each other through our training and relationship building.  Those little moments just didn't matter!  Hmmm...they didn't matter?  I'd say those little steps of training have helped make my horses into something wonderful and have helped to keep me safe working with them by not skipping little things.  Don't you see that little steps help in the long run?   

Letting God speak to your heart about the little seemingly unimportant things can only lead to Him helping you with the bigger more important/pressing things and maybe even the pressing/important things won't seem that pressing when you are listening to a loving God who gently holds what's best for you.....So go ahead...do what God wants of you today!  It matters even if it's just between you and Him. 

Below are some fun pics to get me "jump" started this year!  They remind me of how sometimes we need to take action and fiercely fight our worldly desires in searching for God's will in our lives.  The other picture reminds me of resting in knowing that God desires to have a close relationship with each of us and wants us to trust Him fully.

Needing a purpose?

Philippians 3:10Amplified Bible10 [For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [[a]which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]

Running Away

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us...

Have you ever wanted to quit?  Ever considered yourself a runner?  Living in a go-git er done world, it's hard not to run a race everyday...running here and there....Is there a purpose to it?  So I questioned myself...Where am I going in this race?  Why am I straining so hard but feeling like I'm on the treadmill--just running and going nowhere?  

What really got me was this answer.  Those still small quiet answers that get shoved under the mat because we don't want to embrace the truth of it.

If you're not running to God, you're running away from Him.

I should end it right here because honestly it's pretty convicting to me.  How many times a day do I run to God?  Not near enough.  Maybe I even skip a day...

"Throw off everything that hinders"  What's getting in the way of you running to God?  A lack of time....confidence in yourself.....good/bad health....a distrust of God....your kids....your job....your spouse.....your problems.....your favorite tv show....  Lots of things can hinder our running and not all of them are bad things as long as they are not consuming our running.....if they do you are not running you are "treadmilling" and headed no where.

"And the sin that so easily entangles"  So maybe you're running hard.  Maybe you're running so hard that the cold breeze of past and present sins are sending teardrops to your eyes and causing you to be blinded and unable to see where you are running.  Running this fast and distracted you find yourself entangled in another sin (a future sin you could have avoided if you weren't running distracted) which entangles your legs and you trip causing you to fall flat on your face.  Yes, the Bible says it's easy to get tangled up! I've been here lots too....the hurt you feel is crippling to your race as you get up wondering how you can run with a face you can't feel anymore and eyes that can't see past your streaming tears.  

"Run with perseverance"  It's really really easy to quit here isn't it.   Honestly, I've quit before... You're running to God, but you can't see Him and then "this" happens.....the only thing you can see right now is your bloody, teary-eyed face.  Perseverance has the word severe (at least it almost does) in it.  This race we run will be severe at times and we will have to persevere!  Maybe this means we run with a limp or we take a step and fall again and again, but you'll still be running if you are persevering.  ;) also the Bible doesn't say run with loveliness, blissfulness and perfectness it's perseverance...we should not take this race lightly...it will require lots of perseverance!

HEBREWS 12:2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I get really excited for this part!  You get up and fix your eyes on Jesus.  You can't see him but...Picture Him enduring the cross, dying for us enduring our shame and rising up from the dead to prove that death can not keep us in the grave if we fix our eyes on Jesus and keep running to Him!  He is the pioneer and perfecter of our faith that means while you're running He's turning you into the runner He intends you to be to make the most of the race He has given you to run!  He want to be your personal pioneer or head coach!  He wants to be the One that explores/owns your heart and settles your fears and helps you overcome race obstacles!

We need to consider Jesus when our bloody, teary-eyed, broken heart and body is ready to quit the race.  Remember what He did for you so you don't lose heart/quit.  

Heard this in a song the other day talking about God..."It must be hard to be everywhere in the world and not be seen by anyone."  

I've got to start noticing and "seeing" God....I've got to get off the treadmill and get back in the race running to God.....running for God!  

If I'm not running to God, I'm running away from Him and I don't want to Ever be away from Him! 

Dear Jesus, pioneer me to Heaven!
Open plains are all around me
With dangers I can and can not see
Dear Jesus, keep me on the path to Heaven
So I can live forever with you in Eternity.