Desperate for Healing

Ever been desperate for something or someone that you do something drastic or...desperate. "Desperate times call for desperate measures!" As Pastor Shane would say. I agree. The church can't just keep going like it always has....and Christians can't just do what we've always done. We need God like never before in this country and in our world....But when will we actually be desperate for God to move...when will we be ready to quit playing games and get serious with God? What is God going to have to do to you or in your life for you to get serious. After all we are here for God and to proclaim His Truth to stand firm because truth doesn't change. But I've blogged about this topic before so let's get into desperate for healing. 

Boy how many of us are desperate for some kind of healing these days? I know we don't always get healing or relief because God has other plans for us and we don't always get God on that...we just have to trust He knows what He's doing and He can use us as is. God will heal us one day if we are a believer in Him but for now we walk with pain and problems. 

But how desperate are we really for healing? Are we willing to go through a very hard journey? To give up many things we love? To go against our flesh? To be in constant battle? To always be attacked and exhausted? To go after something so much and not even know if it's achievable! To spend time effort lack of sleep and research just in hopes to gain an answer?  I'd say, you know how it is to be desperate.

So here's why I am desperate for healing...my health keeps getting worse and worse every year. I now have been diagnosed with RA, Fibromyalgia, chronic Fatigue and Lupus not to mention uti's and migraines. This year my health is at an all time low and I fear if it keeps up like this I soon will not be able to work, ride my horses, help Mom around the house do horse ministry or do anything or have any quality of life because of the overwhelming amount of pain and inflammation currently in my body. I know I look normal...but is it normal to be in pain just standing up? Is it normal to have no motivation to get out of bed cuz you'll know you'll really be in pain once you try to move your body.  

My hemotology results were praise the Lord no new disorders but Im at a triple high threat to getting blot clots...more labs and another Dr. Visit to follow in 4 weeks.  So adding a baby aspirin to my daily pills to help keep blood from clotting. Being only 32, and unable to walk without pain and do things because I'm so exhausted and not having Drs know what to do for me or worse making me worse, I hit my desperate for health mode.  I told the doctor, I'm too young to not be able to walk and do things without pain sometimes very intense pain! Pain gets to you... physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.  I began to research and pray and beg God for help...I also recruited any person to pray for me that I knew would. Then I just had to wait for God to move. 

I'm not the desperate type. I like being lazy when it comes to health. I don't want any restrictions. I'm already sick shouldn't I at least have some comfort food like chocolate and peanut butter? Don't I deserve to have tasty stuff when my body is so in pain and sick...that's my right right? For awhile God has been calling me to something I just haven't known what? Or maybe I just didn't want to do it. But when your health is rapidly declining and there arent many suggestions besides let's switch big meds...you get desperate for better answers. 

 God has led me to try the Carnivore diet. It's where you only eat meat and animal products. No fruit no sugar no carbs no gluten no dairy no veggies no nothing just meat. Currently, this is Day 4. I'm just eating beef. salt. and water right now. Is it hard? Yes but living in pain everyday from low to severe is quite motivating!!! Long story short. My research says that 56percent of the people who tried this diet had autoimmune diseases and out of that percentage 89 percent said they resolved there disease or experienced significant pain and inflammation relief.  Another study shows that back in the 1800s or 1900s Dr. Salisbury told his RA patients if you want to go into remission eat red meat and hence we have Salisbury steak named after this doctor. Apparently, this treatment was way more common and helped but I never was told about it in fact quite the opposite...to stay away from red meat!

Obviously I don't know if this will help as I'm only on Day 4 but I'm praying God can heal me through this because I can not keep doing life with this pain and all these health problems! I desire a better quality of life...I want to want to get out of bed! I want to do more for God and not be exhausted! I want to be able to get on my horse without struggle and stay on her without pain! I want to keep a job and work hard like a horse gal needs too! I want to have the energy and health to be around for my family and friends!  So I'll probably add to this list of reasons why I have have MUST stick to this limiting diet and punch cravings and shoot temptations because so much is at steak..hmm pun intended but in all seriousness my health is bad and that's not funny.  Please pray for me. That I can resist temptation stay true to this diet and my body would heal or feel better soon.  I'm desperate for healing. Desperate to touch the hem of His garment. I don't know where I'll find myself at the end of this journey. Healed or still very sick. I just know that God knows I'm desperate for Him and I'm proving it by throwing an idol away in my life...food.

Health Update/Family update

All of you probably know by now that my Dad lost his battle with cancer but gained forever with Jesus on December 23.  Even through it all God heard our prayers and took my Dad without making him suffer too long and he got to spend one more Christmas with the Kieser family.  

Honestly life seemed to stop for awhile for us.  The grief hits hard and then it's like your walking and going through your day reading your Bible and trying to pray but you don't really know what you're doing...it's like a fog comes over you and sits on you for awhile and it's heavy.  You go through a time of questioning....God why did Dad have to get cancer? Why couldn't the treatments work? I wasn't ready to let go yet...I still had learning to gain from my Dad.  I learned I had to call out to my Heavenly Father...my dear God because I didn't understand. I knew God loved my family and my Dad but I was still full of hurt and complete exhaustion.  Standing in the funeral line my body was completely shaking afterwards.  During the line before the funeral service I had to sit down because I felt faint.  But even during that time, I just want to thank my family and friends neighbors and church for praying for us and your outpouring of love on me and my family.  You helped us realize God will help us through so thanks for sharing His love with us and being His hands and feet. 

To help get myself out of the fog, I asked if Mom Ted and I could pray together at night. We always need Jesus but felt like we needed Him even more since everything was just hard. So we have begun praying together and it's been great to check in on each other almost everything night.  It has really helped. Praise God. We are all doing ok. Lots of new challenges/changes ahead but we have God helping us through them. Taking one day at a time helps.

Ok remember those blood tests that my RA Dr had me get? The results are in and I have mildly high platelets and my antiphospholipid antibodies are also mildly positive. I'm told I'm at a greater risk of blood clots and told that I need to go hemotology for further evaluation....I found out about this Monday. Not so good of a day for me especially when you have a cancer center calling you to make an appointment.  Doesn't God know what my poor family has already been through?  Sure He does.  My memory verse this week was super appropriate. 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me. 

I love this verse! Yes I'm super weak and my body is completely messed up...I'm even getting over another migraine as I type this.  Previously I had them every other day or so but have recently gone around 2 and a half to 3 weeks without one so that's a praise....ugh I hate em though! Also my MRI was normalish so another praise God moment. I'm exhausted but yet I love Jesus and I want to make sure you know that it is Him and Him alone that is my strength a d joy through this tough journey.  That's Him you see in me! I can't get up in the morning without His strength, I can't train horses without His wisdom, I can't encourage others without His love for me.  I will choose to boast about Jesus no matter how weak my body becomes because I do so need Christ's power resting on me.

I would very much appreciate prayers though as the devil is a great discourager. And I really really don't want another disease or disorder or ? I'd rather Jesus just take me quick....send another chariot for me God like you did for Elijah!  What a way to go!! 

Update on my Dad and Myself (God, when are you coming?)

    I haven't had the words or energy to blog.  My life and that of my family's is a constant inconstant.  Days where I just want to cry and cry but don't have the time.  Days where I cry anyway.  Perhaps I shouldn't even begin to try to even blog about it.  There are days of ups and downs.  Days where we can handle the situations (or God gives us enough joy and endurance) and days where we can't but have too (but we aren't sure how much more we can take).  How does one prepare for a single day when its so unknown.  How cruel life is when you have to watch a loved one suffer and become old and weak and not knowing what they are doing before your very eyes.  What hurt!  What deep hurt comes from that.  Questions.  No answers.  This, alone, seems to be a constant.  Exhaustion.  Stress.  Pain.  Confusion.  Worry.  Yes anger at the entanglement and truly different life changes....Things I want to do replaced with I have to dos.  My young body filled with inflammation and disease....painful joints....migraine flare ups, visual disturbances, numbness and tingling and decay and more decay....but we all fight on and say...We will be ok one of these days.  Maybe I'm just really looking forward to THAT DAY!!. So God, when are you coming?  I sure pray its soon. 

    My Dad is back in the hospital again.  He eats very little, gets dehydrated then confused, runs a fever and can barely walk at times.  He had a very bad time last night.  Mom had a rough night taking care of him and I know I didn't sleep well knowing what was likely happening after seeing a good dose before I tried going to bed.  At this point, my Dad really needs a miracle of healing or God to come get him...Again I know Christmas is a joyful season but this year all I can think of asking is...God, when are you coming back again?  Could it be this time of year when we celebrate You?  All I want for Christmas is JESUS!  

    Perhaps some of you knew, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus, two autoimmune diseases That cause inflammation all over your body.  It can be hard for my Dr. to determine where the inflammation is but if it were to settle in the right spot that could cause a heart attack or breathing issues many etc.  I was so bad with pain, I decided to try a steroid shot in September and it may have been the cause of my recent migraine issues and other sideaffects.  I was getting the effects of things associated with headaches or the bad headaches themselves every other day for 2 weeks.  My RA DR. ordered an MRI of my brain to check for MS (another autoimmune disease).  Thankfully, that test did not declare me to have that. However, I do have a couple spots on my brain we will have to recheck in a couple years as if they grow we need to try something as inflammation in your brain will very likely lead the Alzheimers and that is something I do not want.  I'm sorta unique in all the potential areas I have inflammation as I questioned my Dr as to why am I getting all these autoimmune diseases???  He used a big word for me today.  He want to do more blood tests on me because my inflammation just will not go down.  So he wants to see what those tests say.  But he said I could fall into the category of Spondyloaothoroapafy which is a huge word for YOU HAVE A VERY DISEASED BODY!!  or you could have several autoimmune diseases so you are going to be hard to treat and they will need to know more about which one is attacking me so they can better target that one so that we can control inflammation because if we can't....no good will come of it at all.  I was thinking if we can't control it how Id actually want to get struck by lightning and go quick cuz I have to tell you I'm tried of all this constant pain.  So the steroid helped me feel the most normal I have ever felt since the disease.  I have had some really really rough years gang.  I know I'm a pretty joyful person and I look normal but I rarely feel normal.  I really do live off the joy of Jesus.  I do desperately need Jesus.  On the days I feel His presence in me and around me I feel unstoppable even in this body of mine.  But boy the days where I wonder if He even cares about me cuz I just seem to get worse off, my Dad seems to get worse off, and life in general just gets worse and it feels like God is personally attacking me, those are really rough days....Again, I ask, hey, God, When are you coming for me?  How much more must I endure?

I see my own body attacked more and more, my Dad suffering and dying either from cancer or chemo or both, I see the toll it takes on all my family members, I see the world in a dying state, I see America rejecting God and His Word.  I see America's church dying of "cancer" because she let's in the world instead of the world changing because of the church, I see mass sufferings, shootings, rise of suicides and health problems and opioid use, kids being slaughtered in the womb, I hear the silence of Truth, I see kids confused with there identity, In short I see evil running rampant and I wonder...God will you come back now?  How much is enough for you?  How many more must be persecuted or killed in the womb?  How many more children led astray?  How many more of your believers must continue to suffer here on earth?  How long will you let this evil run rampant and evil men/women prosper?  (Am I sounding like David cuz I just got through reading Psalms) When will you take pity on your own?  God, You sent your son, Jesus, a long time ago.  We needed Him then, but I think we need Him even more now.  Jesus, Come quickly.

https://youtu.be/SPkq5oDGkzk

     

Eye of the Storm Shawnee 2016

Are you peppy for Jesus?

I'll never forget what a dear elderly lady in church said to me one Sunday..."You're so peppy!" Peppy is kinda an old word so I'll help give you some meanings: high spirited, enthusiastic, lively, full of energy, active, alert

Of course I loved her compliment...I can certainly be peppy. What happens when your peppy gets pooped? The devil doesnt like peppy believers at all...so he will try to tire them out in whatever way possible to create pooped worn out of all peppyness believers.

Here's the thing about peppy believers the devil cant stand....their perseverance! It falls under their spiritedness. My buckskin is very peppy and high spirited. Try telling her something she doesnt want to do....see how far you get with her. But then be amazed at how much and how far she will go for you just because she loves you and wants to please you. It's not that we lost our connection when she doesnt cooperate it's just that she thinks she can handle the situation better than you can. I suppose you could call that just plain stubborn! But even then stubborn peppy believers are tough to break away their connection with God and the devil knows that.

This type is often laid out flat on the ground but while laid out they are trying their best to trip up the devil. If we have to be down we may as well be tripping the devil ok?

This type not only wants to tell you about Jesus but wants you to experience Jesus for yourself so like my enthusiastic horse who is not content with just showing you one small trick but 10 other bigger and tougher tricks she knows! So we, as peppy believers, are not content to tell you just one thing about Jesus but everything we know about Him!! Everything! Sit down....get comfy...that may take a couple days!

Peppy believers can mess up and hurt others and have days where we want to give up but thank goodness God provides and revives our pep when we're pooped.

If you're pooped, Ask God to get you excited about living for Him again.

If you're peppy, Ask God who needs to get excited about You?

 

God's Not Done! (I just want to get you excited about loving Jesus!

 

God's Not Done. A super encouraging thought! And if you are here today reading this than you can be sure that God is not done with you either. I have known my horses for many years and I love them just as they are. When they fail I forgive them, when they get rowdy, I discipline them when they get sick, I help them in every way possible because my love for them doesn't just leave one day and come back another day depending on this or that. No my love for my horses wont ever run out or be done! Oh how my horses love to learn new things when I train them tricks! I think they get excited to please me more knowing I'm not done with teaching them new things or taking them on new adventures! It excites them! They love to be used! But they have to know certain things before I can do certain things with them. We have to have developed a strong relationship with each other. This comes from a pattern of struggles and achievements. Ups and downs and even lower than downs at times...like giving up.

Isn't this the way God works with us too? I get so much excitement from God knowing that He has placed me here for a reason! Even after knowing Him for many years, I still get excited everytime He teaches me something new about the Bible or Himself! Or how He keeps forgiving me after I fail Him or I forget what He taught me and He has to remind me again or how He provides me strength and endurance to get through another day. How much joy that brings me to know that God is not done with me or any of my situations...those struggles you are enduring could be a way that you get to experience God more in your life! Those challenging relationships could be helping you to become more like Him! All those mistakes you made could help you see your desperate need for Him. I'm so thankful that God is not done even when it seems like He's not doing anything. Nothing is done until God takes your last breath. You might be done but God isn't. He's the One that made you and knows you and wants to teach you so many new things about Himself if you and I are only willing! Willing to learn when it's easy and when it's really really hard and painful...it may be dreadful...but you wont be going through it without God! And God has so much He wants you to experience with Him! That's correct. God wants you to EXPERIENCE Him! God doesnt just want you to know Him but to experience Him. Did you know you can experience God? That you can feel God? You can but you have to go through the ups and downs and yeah sometimes the way way awefuls. But heres the encouragement...God's not ever done in your life unless you choose to be done with God so always seek God and never give up! (Luke 18:1) God can bring light even to a dark situation so seek God for direction. God can provide joy even when your situation does not change so ask God for His presence. God can answer a prayer when it seems so far out of His hearing and highly impossible so keep praying. And along your journey with God, He will amaze you by His love and provision and you will not be able to contain your love or excitement for Him.

Wow! How much more that should make us desire to spend more time with Him! Even though we have a struggle or fear or overwhelming situation...even when the trial wont quit or maybe we are faced with it forever....even when all hell is breaking loose all around us and in our country and the world...we can remember that God is not done. Stay strong believer. Pray strong! And believe that with God all things are possible! You plus God equals majority! And God wants to use you because He loves you and once you develop a relationship with God you'll develop a Gods not done attitude too!

 

 

God, I'm Exhausted

I write this being exhausted. It's a busy time at work. It's a busy time here at home with many spring projects to do or horses to train and just trying to keep up with the normal stuff! Then God asks you to do more and you do because you know its from Him. But there's still this project God wants me to do that I'm dragging my feet on as I tell God, I'm just too exhausted! I say this in complete honesty as I'm getting over a bad migraine. My body is completely drained. My health problems are flaring. But my God says Keep going. Keep fighting. Do it.

Reminds me that there are no retirement verses in the Bible. Run the race! Fight the fight! Stand fast! And having done all to stand...STAND! I heard a preacher say, When God takes me, I want to be lying exhausted on the Battlefield!! Why? Because I gave God everything I had!

Had me thinking...do I want God to find me on my couch watching a movie when I'm tired or exhausted on my face before Him praying when I'm tired?

When my body is in pain does God want me to excuse myself from the battle for that day or season or do I limp, crawl, and drag myself to the battlefield anyway because a true follower of God refuses to let circumstances deter them from the battlefield.

Will God find me exhausted on the battlefield? How does one even accomplish that?

Remember this verse? Always pray. And never give up!

Now, I'm not saying that I'm against naps or taking a day or a season to do way less. (Today I'm doing way less!) In fact that can be healthy and absolutely needed! I'm just wondering are we exhausting ourselves for Jesus? Are we all in for Him? Even when lying exhausted on the battlefield? See, We can exhaust ourselves with work hours... family functions...entertainment...and yes even good things like ministries can exhaust you.....but what about the battlefield? Are you fighting the battle God has for you or your own battle? Will God find me exhausted on the Battlefield for Him or will He find me holding back on what He called me to do? A true soldier of Jesus knows their assignment...Do you know your assignment? If you don't, ask God to show you your battlefield. He will. Wow just standing up for Biblical values in America is a battlefield now!

If you are off course in your battle and you know you have not been fighting well then get back in the fight! God desires you to stay in the fight!

Dear God, Help me to finish the race not holding back anything that you wanted me to do! Let me lie exhausted on the battlefield for you!